Fly! Be Free!

Few things are more dear to a bird than its freedom to take wing and fly. Bound to his perch, Mr. Threskiornis had become tarnished and cracked as his captors in the building below passed the years in revelry, potation, and occasional attempts at satire. Yet more damaging than his long and unrelieved exposure to the elements was the loss of Ibis' personal dignity. Unable to stir from the Lampoon's roof, he became a mere symbol--a ridiculous mascot whose captivity was somehow to be a fitting embodiment of the edifice upon which he stood.

From whence such black humor? Are not our basic liberties free from such cruel and morbid pranks?

It is time for the Lampoon truly to hold the Ibis sacred. No matter how warped one's sense of humor, a bird's freedom is no joke. Mr. Threskiornis should be set free at once. It is time that he regain his noble birthright and once again be free to stretch his wings and test the Cambridge skies.