Bok Warns Stanford Admissions

"We will bury you!"

So said President Bok at yesterday's Opening Exercises, warning Stanford not to escalate the Artifacts Race between the coastal super powers.

Bok was angered by reports of Stanford recruiting techniques involving the use of university artifacts.

According to an article in last Sunday's "Parade Magazine," a nationally syndicated weekly magazine, Stanford had lured a straight 'A' violinist to Palo Alto by offering the use of a Stradivarius violin in the university's Lang Collection of Historical Musical Instruments.

Kathryn L. Pearson, of Santa Rosa, Ca., told Parade's Lloyd Shearer, author of the magazine's hard-hitting "Intelligence Report," she opted for the campus, whose architecture has served as an inspiration for the builders of Spanishstyle condominiums, when they promised her "the use of a Stradivarius that Stanford has in its collection."

"None of the other universities offered me a Stradivarius to play," she explained.

Bok's response to Stanford was forceful. He threatened to publish a brochure which would offer students interested in Religious Studies the use of Harvard's Gutenberg Bible, a Rembrandt for Fine Arts specialists' rooms, and for American History student outings, the original Lewis and Clark birch bark canoe.

Stanford officials claim, perhaps in an attempt to persuade the Cantabridgian Khrushchev into putting his shoe back on, that the whole controversy has been blown out of proportion by the article. "We never offered her anything that any other Music major doesn't have access to," Tanya Granoff, assistant to the dean of admissions, told The Crimson last week.

"It's just a lot of hype," added Gina Balespracci, a spokesman for the Stanford music department. "She planned all along to come to Stanford."