The Name Game

Now that the Ivy League women's hockey season is over, there will be awards galore given out. There will be the MVP and the Rookie of the Year.

But all of these are so, well, imprecise. When the ballot comes in the mail the coach thinks, "Well, who killed us this year?" and to refresh his memory, he often has to refer to stats instead of intangibles.

Last year, Harvard Coach John Dooley probably had a tough time finding an answer because nobody did very well against the Crimson; the team was 12-0 against Ivy League competition.

This year, Vic Russo of Yale will have an equally tough time choosing among the opposing performers; it seemed that almost everybody had a field day against the last-place Elis.

An All-Ivy team will probably be picked as well. Nowadays, there are All-Everything teams. There is an All-Windex team for good rebounders (glass cleaners in Dick Vitale parlance). There is the All-Madden team on the tube every year. And, in the latest Sports Illustrated, there is an All-Scrabble team of hockey players like Beukeboom, Wickenheiser, and Vanbiesbrouck.

So what follows is one reporter's Ivy League All-Name Team for the 1987-88 season. Perhaps this one will go down in history for its entertainment value. Or lack thereof. You be the judge:

Goaltender: Dodie Colavecchio, Princeton. How can a team not rally around a woman with this name? Or better yet, how can an opposing fan cheer against her?

(Simple. Replace "Cola" with "Pepsi.")

Defense: Jill Tinmouth, Yale. Sounds like she wears braces, doesn't it? If she did in elementary school, she must have had quite a time.

Maybe not; she must have had some sort of leadership quality school. This year, she was the co-captain.

Defense: Katherine Savage, Princeton. This player fights like a Tiger for the puck. Perhaps this is why she went to Old Nassau. Perhaps that's why her teammates elected her captain.

Forward: Barbara Death, Cornell. If yousaw her jersey for the first time, you might say,"Naah, it can't be." Combine her with Savage andyou get a great name for a tag team. But beforeyou get the wrong idea, "Death" rhymes with"teeth." And she can take a bite out of opponents.

Forward: Mara Yale, Brown. (And I don'tmean Mara Brown, Yale.) One could go over everypossible Freudian or anti-Freudian implication ofhaving one university's name on the front of theuniform and another on the back. Wonder if there'ssomeone in her family named Eli or Padlock?

Center: Johanna Neilson, Harvard. Once atransfer student from Smith College asked me tospell her name. I said, "S-A-L-L-Y." I was wrong;she spells it Sallie.

You can do the opposite with this Harvardco-captain's name. Nobody in their right mindwould think of Johanna Neilson sounding like"Joanna Nelson."

The best "name-incident" should also be noted.It occured in the first Beanpot game againstBoston College in the first week of February atNortheastern.

Martina Albright had scored with assists toWendy Millet and Emily Diehl. But don't tell thatto the Matthews Arena announcer.

"Goal scored by Number 17, Martha Albright.Assisted by Number 12, Wendy Mill-ay andNumber 20, Emily...Dial?"