The News Of the Weird

Bert And Ernie, Alive and Well

Rumors have abounded on campus of an untimely death of Bert--the tall, yellow friend of Ernie who has gathered a sizable following in his years on "Sesame Street."

Reports have been that the muppet would be killed in an attempt to teach children viewers about death.

But according to an official of Children Television's Workshop, which produces the show, the rumor is false--although somewhat creative.

"Oh, so now it's Bert," she said "We get calls all the time asking about Ernie."


"Yesterday, Ernie got hit by a truck, today he was killed by a drunk driver," said the woman.

Receptionists at "Sesame Street" say they often receive calls from parents and teachers, who complain that their neighborhoods are beset with grief over the impending death of the short, orange one.

But, according to reliable sources at the center of the Bert and Ernie Universe, "It's just not true."

The only link with reality that "Sesame Street staffers could muster is the recent death of Jim Henson who, in addition to creating "Sesame Street" and all its muppets, was the voice of Ernie.

In any case, neither nor Ernie nor Bert are scripted to die--or even fall ill--in the near future.

May they live long and prosper.

phone Sex 900-Style

Nine-hundred numbers, used by, among others, The New Kids on the Block, various psychics and astrologers, Jose Canseco and The New Republic, are not known for their veracity.

In fact, most callers are seeking the voice of highly-advertised scantily clad women--often pre-recorded--who will "talk naughty."

But customers of one romance line in Nevada may feel particularly bamboozled when they learn of a lawsuit filed by Darryl Malone against his employer, Northwest Nevada Telco.