A Rubber for All Reasons

Word has spread quickly about the opening of a small boutique on Newbury St. in Boston. But the news hasn't quite reached everyone.

Aaron B. Cohen, the owner of Condom World, says that one elderly woman came into his store recently looking for "her cocker."

Cohen an his employees were a bit taken aback--until they realized the woman probably wasn't aware that the pet store formerly occupying the space had moved a few doors down.

Welcome to Condom, World, a store that specializes in different kind of petting. Cohen says it "takes the condoms from behind the counter."

The light-hearted, nothing's-too-taboo atmosphere of Condom World removes embarassment from the condom purchase. "If it's easier to buy them, maybe [customers will] buy them more and use them more." Cohen says.

At Condom World, there's no mistaking what patrons are after. Cohen, 31, says he has always felt awkward about buying condoms at a place like CVS--"And I'm not ashy person," he adds.

Anyone seeking protection is sure to find the right rubber, so not finding the right "fit" is non longer a good excuse. Condom World is truly the 31 Flavors of the prophylactic industry.

Confronted with a sign displaying the slogan "Protect and Serve," a consumer in Condom World first has to make a decision about which brand to buy: Lifestyles? Excita? Beyond Seven? Pleasure Plus? Condom World's own assortment packs? Or maybe the old standby, Trojan?

And then there are the many different thicknesses, fits, an textures: Ultra-thin. Form-fitting. Large Snug-fitting. Viba-ribbed. Non-lubricated. Lubricated. Lined and contoured condoms adorned with stimulating dots. There is even "Nature's Bookbag," a condom wallet for those who value discretion.

Because Cohen and his employees are so familiar with the ins and outs of condoms, they give new products the "Inspector No. 12" treatment putting the condoms over their fists and examining" the thicknesses.

While Cohen say he has no idea "how many pounds per square inch of pressure" a condom can take, he can tell customers the differences between various condoms, which lubrications are to be used with which condoms, and which ones are dependable for pregnancy prevention but not for the prevention of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). Natural lambskin condoms, for example, are too porous to be reliable protection against STDs.

"It's a shame, Cohen says. "They do feel better than anything else; it's natural against natural skin."

All condoms are not created equal: Cohen has no trouble pointing out his best-sellers. Patrons appreciate "Kimono" most of all, because it's the thinnest. "Unfortunately, the Japanese have done that. they've beat us again" he says.

Cohen estimates that for every American-made condom, he sells three Japanese, brands. "People want the thinnest one you can get," he explains.

Another popular condom, however, is American-made: "Pleasure Plus." This brand features a ribbed pouch that hangs underneath the condom. At first, customers were wary of the innovation. "Now I can't get them fast enough," Cohen says.

Sex is always an easy laugh for stand-ups, and comedians would have a field day with some of Cohen's other merchandise. there's more giggling in Condom World than at a teenage slumber party.

"Hey Rick" one customer chuckles. "Look. Stealth condoms."

"Protecting America" the box proclaims. "They'll Never see You Coming!"

Nearby, a Pop-Up Willie doll display beckons, "Squash me down and Watch Me Grow." Condom Caps are available for those who want to protect their heads as well as other parts of the anatomy. The Ultimate Birth Control Pill, when squeezed, emits a chilling reminder of what might happen if birth control devices aren't used: a baby's wail.

Whipped Creme, Body Butter, and ForPlay Condom Flavorings--including Cool Citrus, Mandarin Orange and French Vanilla--make sex a culinary, as well as a sensual, experience. Desert Shield ("Stop Naked Agression!") and Gorky Red ("The Ultimate Glasnost") condoms cater to the politically-minded, while the Slam Dunk brand gives its sports fans "Full Court Protection."

And jocks might try the Willy Exerciser, which claims that "Regular Exerciser creates a Stronger, Bigger, More Beautiful Love Muscle."

For those who aren't too modest about the subject, T-shirts advocate safe sex and the wonders of rubbers. It's toooo biiiig," says one. Another shirt says. "See Dick and Jane. See Dick go. See Jane grow. Don't Be a Dick." Below that warning, Dick and Jane grin broadly, clutching condom wrappers in their little stick fingers. Emergency condoms are provided in the neck label.

Some customers try out their own condom humor on Cohen and the employees, but rarely do they come up with anything original. "Do we have a fitting room?" is a frequent original. according to Cohen and another clerk who rolls her eyes at the mention of this oft-repeated joke.

"It doesn't bother me," says Cohen of customers' condom cracks. In fact, he says, "I'll be the first one to tell them."

Other, unintentional mix-ups are common and nearly as funny as deliberate jokes, Cohen says. He often gets phone calls from people asking "what kind of rubbers we sell." But the only protection they want is from the elements; they seek boots, not prophylactics. Some callers--who accidentally let their fingers do too much walking--ask Cohen for condo prices.

"Anywhere a mistake can be made, it's made," Cohen says abut the occasional confused callers.

Humor from a slightly more juvenile level comes from a group of pre-teens that calls Cohen "there or four times a night." he says.

Christening Cohen "the Condom Man," the giggling youths ask questions, then pass the phone around the room so that everyone has a chance to receive Cohen's wisdom."

"They're pretty funny," he smiles. But Cohen is quick to add that he doesn't have all of the answers. "I tell them to ask their parents...I'm not their guardian, I shouldn't have to do that," he says.

Innuendos and bathroom humor aside, Cohen acknowledges that pregnancy and STDs are a serious matter. The growing rate of AIDS-related deaths has created a most vital purpose for Cohen's products.

While Cohen doesn't want to be considered an expert on the disease, Condom World does its part to bring awareness about AIDS and other STDs to the community. "Youth Against AIDS" petitions on a table by the door request customers to support the distribution of AIDS prevention literature and condoms in Massachusetts public high schools.

Cohen would also like to see the Catholic church take a more lenient position on the birth control issue--a move that could mean even more business for his thriving store.

"I'd like to see the church loosen up," he says. "People don't want to go against the church."

Meanwhile Condon World will continue to protect and serve the amorous and the aroused, But some customers who find themselves among so many sperm-stoppers are, quite frankly, baffled at the store's success.

"I can't how they that much money," says Paul Schappichio, studying the Studded Love Gloves. "Altruistic reasons?...They must want to help us." he decided.

As he wanders over to the T-shirts, his female companion, with a sinister grin, asks loudly, "Where are the petite ones.?