A Few Good Men

Help Wanted

Sports fans seek professional athletes who uphold the integrity of athletics and preserve the purity of sport. Must have "Just Do It" attitude and compete for the love of the game. Ability to entertain and restore Americans' pride in sports required. Generosity and humility expected. Salary and benefits not open to long-term negociation. Applications available upon request.

Dear Sports Fans,

I am replying to your help wanted ad for professional athletes worthy of fan loyalty and capable of delivering sports excitement without the ego.

At the moment, I believe that NBA players fit your demanding description. All signs seem to indicate that basketball is capable of replacing baseball as America's national pasttime. The players of the NBA have shown they are more than willing to be the new ambassadors of sport.

NBA players boast impressive credentials. Despite recent complaints against the selfishness of some NBA players, basketball is perfectly poised to resurrect the image of sports and sports figures which was damaged by the hockey lockout and baseball strike. The current NBA playoffs provide the perfect forum for unveiling the new savior of American sports.

The integrity of sports and the purity of the game are in good hands with the likes of David Robinson, Grant Hill, John Stockton and Joe Dumars to name a few.

These men are upstanding citizens both on and off the court. Whether they are a former-league MVP, candidate for rookie of the year, one-time assist leader or respected veteran, they play the game with passion and leave any attitude they may have in the locker room. Off the court they are certified engineers, classical pianists, family men and mentors.

Men like Muggsy Bogues epitomize the "Just Do It" Nike attitude. At 5'3," Bogues makes no excuses for his height. Instead, Bogues leaves defenders stunned by his speed and opposing guards frustrated by his tenacious defense. While Muggsy Bogues is the small man's hero, he leaves footsteps other athletes would be lucky to fill.

Michael Jordan's return has redefined what it means to play for the love of the game. Since his comeback, Jordan has set season-high scoring and attendence records.

His Airness has provided the American public with a basketball demi-god and a place to invest their collective athletic pride.

The Celtics' Sunday night comeback against the Orlando Magic has added extra life to an already entertaining post-season. The triumphant second game turnarounds of the Celtics, Cavs and Lakers have made basketball all the more unpredictable and captivating.

Lastly, as noted in the most recent issue of Sports Illustrated, players like Chris Dudley, Jimmy Jackson, Jamal Mashburn, Dikembe Mutombo and Kevin Johnson have added a charitable spirit to the NBA. Through hundreds of thousands of dollars in donations, these men have aided everthing from the Dallas public school system to the medical needs of Zaire's poor.

The days of baseball's goodwill ambassadors with names like Koufax, DiMaggio, Williams, Maris and Aaron are long past. The day of hockey's ascension to the professional sports' spotlight is still to come. Now is the time for the NBA to carry the banner of good sportsmanship.

The NBA has a few good men ready to start immediately. I suggest you forward any extra applications to Commisioner Stern.