'Defending' Stereotypes

Rob Becker's Defending the Caveman is probably one of the best explorations of the comical and often frustrating relationships between the sexes. It is hilariously funny, yet at the same time makes one think about their own stereotypes of men and women: Are all men really "self-centered, immature, annoyingly incompetent assholes" or is that just one of those things people say?

Becker takes the stage like a modern day Fred Flintstone in blue jeans, work-boots and a T-shirt which reveals a definite gut. The set resembles a half-prehistoric, half-modern bachelor pad, complete with stone slab chair and hamper full of dirty laundry.

The show begins with a quick video highlighting the numerous books which have tried to explain or denounce the quirky habits of men--Why Men Aren't Intimate, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus and the curious Smart Women, Foolish Choices. From books, the video moves to those infamous talk show hosts, Sallie, Oprah and Geraldo who have profited from such titles as Men Who Won't Commit and the Women Who Love Them. Each clip shows a different anguished woman confronting the cowering man beside her as the audience yells with glee and Sallie/Oprah/Phil smiles knowingly.

The result of all this animosity? Becker says that men and women have lost the capacity for honest communication. His theory is that the differences between the sexes stem from the time when men were hunters and women were gatherers. Thus men tend to focus on the singular, while women tend to gather numerous things around them. For example, when women shop, they will often search for absolutely nothing in particular which "they will know as soon as they find it." Men, on the other hand, will focus on buying one item ("Me want shirt. Me get shirt. Go home, watch T.V.")

He uses this thesis to explain why women gossip (they have to gather other people's business), why women flip channels (they have to gather the various shows on T.V.) and why women buy five shirts which look the same (they have to gather what they like). Men are often befuddled by these tendencies, just as women are frustrated by men's complete lack of understanding and cooperation. Perhaps what women call selfishness is just the hunter coming out.

For 90 minutes, Becker proceeds in this vein of politically incorrect, sexist humor which leaves one laughing hysterically. He displays a disarming honesty and an amazing ability to poke fun at the differences which often separate the sexes. His goal is to help men and women transcend those differences and to respect each other, even if they can't fully understand each other. Becker recalls, somewhat nostalgically, the "caveman age" in which women were treated as goddesses and men were respected as their providers and protecters. Each had a different role in the community, but one role was just as valuable as the other. Men were "honored," he says with a wistful smile. "Can you imagine that, honored?" Becker challenges both sexes to "participate in each other's worlds without judgment," difficult as this is. This message must be doing reasonably well, as attested by Becker's sold-out performances in every major city from New York to Philadelphia. Even marriage counselors are encouraging couples in therapy to see the show as a sort of homework assignment.

Defending the Caveman is funny, endearing and thoughtful. Everyone who sees it should bring along his or her significant other and realize that he or she is not alone in wondering "why the hell 'they' do that." "That" can refer to anything from burping in public or trying on five seemingly identical outfits. Couples often don't realize that miscommunication and disappointment are common to everyone. Becker makes them laugh at themselves--a feat that is truly remarkable and worth more than 30 dollars.

So ladies, perhaps it isn't that your man is an "asshole" when he refuses to listen to you or to get another bag of potato chips. After all, his "culture" can only listen to or do one thing at a time. So just resign yourself to grabbing another bag yourself, and settle back on the futon while he belches.