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Guest Horoscope

Compiled by Members of the 124th Editorial Board

By Joshua A. Kaufman

Dartboard would like to welcome its newest contributor, former Governor William F. Weld '66, who has graciously volunteered to offer his personal insights to the stars, now that he has nothing else to do. With his recent record of commendable foresight, we deem him a trustworthy source.

VIRGO: You can expect to encounter passersby in the Square today. And tomorrow.

LIBRA: The Yard is full of possibilities. There are a million blades of grass. And many trees.

SCORPIO: Just cause your symbol is a snake, don't think of yourself in such negative terms. Snakes are good for the Yard. (See LIBRA.)

SAGITTARIUS: Look under your mattress. There may be hidden treasures there.

CAPRICORN: You rhyme with "cream of corn," and you taste like it too! Find a mate to complement the palate.

AQUARIUS: Dive into the Charles, just like me. But try to avoid the bacteria.

PISCES: Fish! I love to eat fish. I love to fish for fish. You will have an enjoyable fishing experience soon.

ARIES: The waters run cold through your heart this week. Sorry, the stars are pissed about that phone call you forgot to put in to Dionne Warwick last week.

TAURUS: Try squash. You've been at Harvard for a while, and it has never made any sense, but there comes a time in the life of every young person when he or she just gets it. It's a conceptual thing. It's intuition. And it's your time to start playing, baby.

GEMINI: Gemini women should be especially aware of their coupling capabilities this month, as the stars are aligned with the crowns of your fine heads.

CANCER: Oh, I hate that word! But, since it doesn't mean what we all think it means, I can tell you that you'll be having a great month. Learn to play the kazoo.

LEO: You are blessed with form and function as fine as that of Le Corbusier's buildings. Keep up the exercise. You look marvelous.

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