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DARTBOARD

The editors take aim at the good, the bad and the ugly.

NO WRITER ATTRIBUTED

Future Doctors of the World, Unite

While the rest of Harvard flies off to sunny locales and tans themselves on sandy beaches, we at Dartboard will be dusting off our number 2 pencils and setting our alarms for the pre-sunrise hours. Yep, it's MCAT season, and Kaplan has provided us with enticing spring break plans--two full length practice exams, falling like perfect bookends on the two Saturdays of the vacation week. And when we aren't engaged in taking the practice exams, we should probably be studying for the real one. Unlike you lucky pre-laws, those of you just taking the general GREs or you future investment bankers, we premeds actually have to know something for this one.

What, you mean we have to actually learn something? Yes, the Harvard classes that adeptly teach us to speak so expertly on that which we know nothing about will not help us here. So while the rest of you smear on the suntan lotion, think of us, your future doctors, sacrificing our spring vacations to desperately remember the orgo we never learned. But if all else fails, just remember to choose answer B.

A Stranger on the Bus

It seems that Harvard students have to have a right answer for everything. Not content with merely impressing their dates with an expansive knowledge of obscure trivia, they have decided to take the great matters of the world into their hands. While most college students are preparing to embark on spring break to enjoy the good life, Harvard students will be preparing to take on the afterlife. And when Dartboard gets back from Mexico with stockpiles of Cuervo Gold to help us through finals, we fully expect the Harvard Secular Society and the Harvard-Radcliffe Christian Association will be prepared to make the final call. Their question to resolve: "Is there God?"

We at the Dartboard are pleased that Harvard students feel so well equipped to deal with a question that has vexed philosophers and theologians since man first began contemplating his existence. Indeed, we're surprised that Harvard students haven't already come to a decisive conclusion. Frankly, Dartboard is a little disappointed to learn that we won't be getting the answers to other more pertinent and pressing questions such as, "How do they get the jelly inside those jelly donuts?"

Yet, while God remains in question, apparently, there will be no rest for the curious. Lest Harvard students spend their spring break tossing and turning in their tanning beds, just wishing they knew the answer, Dartboard is prepared to offer them some advice:

Go play in the sand! It's there and we don't care who made it.

Just Like Christmas Morning

Who yesterday morning was having more fun than executive assistant to the Dean of the College Harry R. Lewis '68 Phil Bean? It was the 25th; people got up early in their pajamas--hey, for all Dartboard knew, it could have been Christmas, and Bean could have been Santa Claus. The U-Hall stalwart was spotted criss-crossing the Yard, delivering joy and happiness in the form of preprinted envelopes. At least one blocking group was seen yelling at Bean not to toy with them but to "Give us the damn thing!"

Later in the day, Cabot crazies, PfoHo phreaks and Adams aesthetes were in abundance outside Annenberg. Fun House garb was distributed, but some newly minted Currier residents missed out when HoCo ran out of T-shirts. Apparently Santa Claus can out of presents for those living so far away. And Dartboard thought that little white envelope was lump of coal enough.

GROSS ANATOMY--Melissa K. Crocker; ARE YOU THERE, GOD?--Meredith B. Osborn; MR. BEAN--Vasugi V. Ganeshananthan

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