Prepping For 2004

This morning our nation awoke with a new president. After months of stimulating intellectual discourse, the people of America (or the electoral college as it may be) put an end to the statistical dead heats and elected either a stiff-necked Tennesseean or a record-dodging Texan to be the next leader of the free world. However, now is not the time to gloat about how the smarter man won out in the end. Nor is it the time to plan your emigration to Canada in the case that he didn't--at least, not quite yet. As counter-intuitive as it may seem, now is the time to be thinking about the next presidential election. In 2004 the next incumbent free-riding off the nation's economic success and the next challenger pledging to restore moral authority to the White House will invariably ask you if you are better off today than you were four years ago; now is the time to make sure that you can answer.

So, before you face the world this morning--before you collect on your bets, hide your face in shame, or tear down the campaign posters that have been obscuring your courtyard view for the past several months--sit back and take a few minutes to take stock of your current situation. Lest you enjoy falling prey to political rhetoric and inflated electoral promises, today's prudence will be tomorrow's payoff.

Instructions: Take out a clean sheet of paper and a writing utensil. Record the type of writing utensil that you are using. Are you writing with a pencil? A Bic pen? A tricolor ensemble emblazoned with a consulting firm logo? (Note: This question is not just intended to make sure that your writing utensil works. If in four years you've upgraded from a #2 to a gold plated Mont Blanc it's a sure sign that you've benefited financially and that the administration has been right on track--that you are conspicuously consuming in preparation for your first Harvard reunion is also an option, but as this is a political survey that altogether reasonable explanation will be ignored.)

Now, ask yourself the following questions:

On Taxation

Are you part of the wealthiest one percent of Americans? Are you a middle class American? What is your current marginal rate of taxation? Would you have been able to calculate your marginal rate of taxation if you had not taken Economics 1010 and 1011? Will you be able to calculate your marginal rate of taxation in 2004 after several years without Economics 1010 and 1011? If not, record appropriate formulas as well.

On Prescription Drug Coverage

How many of your elderly relatives are currently traveling to Canada to buy their medication? How many of your elderly relatives are currently traveling to Florida to buy their medication but are so senile that they think they are traveling to Canada? If your elderly relatives had prescription drug coverage, how many could actually open the childproof caps on their prescription drugs?

On Social Security

Is social security a federal program? Does the current President know that social security is a federal program? Would the President know that social security is a federal program if his advisors hadn't told him so? Have you ever seen a lock box? Have you ever seen an iron-clad lock box? If you had an iron-clad lock box in your garage would you loan it to the president contingent upon him knowing that social security is a federal program?

On the Internet

Do you use the Internet? If so, what color is your heart? Has it become progressively darker as you have used the Internet more? Do you smoke under-regulated tobacco products manufactured by large contributors to Republican campaigns? If you do, have you used such products during the time in which your heart has supposedly been darkened by the Internet?

On the Environment

Have you ever vacationed in the Arctic National Wildlife Preserve? If you wanted to vacation in the Arctic National Wildlife preserve could you even find a map that indicated its location? If you found a map that indicated its location, could you access the Arctic National Wildlife Preserve by any means besides dogsled?

On Presidential Integrity and Character

If a toddler were about to get run over by a Mac truck, would the current President risk his life to save the toddler? If a well-endowed White House intern were about to get run over by a Mac truck would the current President risk his life to save the well-endowed intern? If both a toddler and a well-endowed intern were about to get run over by a Mac truck, who would the current president save first, the toddler or the intern?

Upon completing these questions place the survey and your answers in an iron-clad lock box where they will be safe until November 2004. At that time, answer the survey questions again and compare your 2000 and 2004 responses. Will you be better off? Possibly. Will this improvement be the direct result of the next president? In all likelihood, no. But as a civic-minded Harvard graduate, won't you be glad that you have a way to outsmart the candidates, see through their rhetoric and make a judgment for yourself?

Lauren E. Baer '02 is a social studies concentrator in Dunster House. Her column appears on alternate Wednesdays.