Fifteen Minutes: Widener's Smut Stacks Reveal Much

Although having sex in the stacks of Widener has become legendary amongst students, for those who don't get any, scouring

By T. S. Dasgupta

Although having sex in the stacks of Widener has become legendary amongst students, for those who don't get any, scouring the stacks in search of porn is the chosen alternative. Rumor has it that many get their kicks in "The X-Cage," a hush-hush collection of pornographic picturebooks tucked away in Widener's farthest reaches.

Kinky S&M parlors, dark dungeons of pictorial pleasure - anything can pique the interest of a sex-deprived scholar. But to really dig for the dirt first-hand, here's what to expect in your crusade for porn:

Shuffle tensely towards the reference desk, with mind racing. Fumble for a way to tactfully request the raunchiest readings that Widener has to offer.

"Can I help you?" The sweatshirt-clad student attendant will drone drowsily, his glazed eyes previously fixated on a challenging game of Minesweeper.

Preface your sick request by sputtering, "Hi...this is going to sound really weird, but..." and then try to justify your forthcoming utterance:

"Do you know if there's a porn section in the stacks? I'm writing an article for The Salient...I mean, uhhhh..."

Sweatshirt Boy will be taken aback and will coyly suggest that you check out the Playboy collection in the Periodical Room.

Smile naughtily, and whisper, "I'm looking for something a little more hard-core."

Sweatshirt Boy's face will twitch slightly, as he reduces the game window on his monitor with gusto. He prides himself in having the power to perform a keyword search for "pornography."

Awkwardly respond, "Sure, that'd be great." Ignore the neighboring Dorito-Eating Girl's subtle but noticeable glare that undoubtedly defines the "What kind of pervert are you?" look.

The keyword search will yield disappointing results, primarily about religious establishments combating pornography. Yawn. Sweatshirt Boy heroically tries new searches with "sex" and "eroticism". No porn here. Sigh.

Make a really stupid comment. "Well, maybe you should use Porn-Quest instead of Pro-Quest!" Feel really stupid.

A second library attendant, later to be nicknamed Knowledge Boy will soon join your quest and direct you to the Fine Arts section of the stacks. He suggests books featuring the photography of Robert Mapplethorpe, a New York City artist who began his career by designing collages featuring pornographic magazines, sexual Polaroid pictures and erotic texts.

The search will seem fruitless, until you discover some interesting books:

* Jan Fabre's The Power of Theatrical Madness featuring Mapplethorpe's work. The pictures are erotic and feature lots of bare flesh. Annamirl appears bent over the naked body of Wim, who lies majestically on the ground with his crown, his phallic scepter and prominent manhood grazing his thigh.

* Folk Erotica: Celebrating Centuries of Erotic Americana is a compilation of sexual paintings, drawings, carvings, and other arousing art. Those like "Cowboy Blow-Job," created mainly of tin cans and featuring a cowboy receiving a ten-gallon hat's worth of oral delight from his favorite ranchhand, fancifully combine fantasy and humor capable of eliciting an hearty "Yee-haw!" from an appreciative audience.

Re-emerge from the stacks. Show Knowledge Boy the meager results of your porn search and allow him to peruse your selections. He will wish you luck with your pursuit of porn and send you off with a spark in his eyes, the kind of spark that tells you that perhaps Knowledge Boy knows something more than he is ready to share.

"Do you know if there's a porn section in the stacks? I'm writing an article for The Salient...I mean, uhhhh..."

--T.S. Dasgupta