Common Sense on Both Ends

A little harsh, yes, but that's my stepmom. I pooh-poohed her advice at the time, but since I've been in New York it's come to mind time and again, and I have to say that I value it a little more after living here for two weeks and developing my own spin on the Central Park incident.

You see, the generally agreed-upon turning point in the incident--the point at which the attacks escalated from lighthearted water-splashing into violence and sexual assault--was when a young woman who'd just been splashed playfully lifted her shirt and flashed the crowd. People in this city are too politically correct to say it outright, but many New Yorkers I interviewed for stories on the attacks implied it: This girl was to blame. In that brief, careless act--or so the train of thought goes--she single-handedly tipped the balance of the male spectators' conception of women.


Well, of course this woman was not to blame for any part of the attacks, and of course she was not "asking for it" in any way. But the fact remains that she should have had the foresight not to flash her breasts to a crowd of rowdy, celebrating, drunken men. As many have noted, there is a big difference between asking to be looked at and asking to be raped. But that said, just as each one of those attackers should have thought about consequences before acting, women, too, must use a little common sense.

It's helpful here to view life as one giant workplace. For example, if you show up at an interview for an investment banking position wearing ripped jeans, sneakers and a sweatshirt, you probably won't get the job. I've learned in my job as a reporter here that it takes a lot to get people to take you seriously in this city. Wear a shirt that's even a little bit tight to a meeting, and you risk losing the respect of the people whose quotes you desperately need for your story.

Like a reporter who wears tight clothing, a woman who flashes her breasts instantly transforms herself from a complete person into a mere sex object. Like it or not, this is the state of affairs in our society today. And transforming oneself into a sex object is not generally an effective strategy for empowerment.

Seldom do women get as lucky as Erin Brockovich, the movie law clerk played by Julia Roberts who used low-cut tops to distract important men into giving her confidential records. It's rare that women can reap the benefits of men's objectification of them without suffering some of the drawbacks too. Ms. Brockovich took a lot of risks, and for her, it paid off. But for most women, the eternal paradox of feminism kicks in: In order to be safe from the aggression and oppression of men, we need to lose our femininity and become like them, thus subjugating ourselves all the same.

The solution--the safe solution, that is--is to strike a balance between feminine sexuality and conservatism. Until it is safe for us to roam the streets in whatever state of dress or undress we desire, we need to fight our battle wisely. We must dress and act according to the situation and save our personal, non-professional sides for safer environments such as private gatherings and less dangerous non-mob-scene public settings, preferably with the safety net of friends accompanying us. Because especially in this city, there's no forgiveness for failing to use common sense. Women's empowerment will come about through acting like the intelligent, complex, valuable, confident and feminine beings we are--not flaunting our status as sex objects.

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