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Interactions with the Fro-Yo Machine that Reveal Sublimated Sexual Energy

The time I got my tongue stuck to its cold—but somehow hot—metallic face. The time the breakfast crew in the
By The CRIMSON Staff

  1. The time I got my tongue stuck to its cold—but somehow hot—metallic face.

  2. The time the breakfast crew in the dining hall caught me cradling it in my arms after a night of lo-cal passion.

  3. The time I got cock-blocked by the salad tongs.

  4. The time I let it drip all over my face, chest and buttocks.

  5. The time I made the card-checker lick the machine while I watched.

  6. The time I asked it to the winter formal and tried to get it drunk; all it wanted to do was spoon.

  7. The time I put my cone below the nozzle, filled it, and then enjoyed delicious frozen yogurt.

  8. The time I got turned on by the “jungle fever” aspect of the chocolate-vanilla swirl.

  9. The time I filled the cone while my roommate tossed my salad for me.

  10. The time I punched it and called it a slut after I caught it filling someone else’s cone that special way.

  11. The time I tried to talk it into a three way with the hot cocoa machine.

  12. The time the Fro-Yo wanted me to cover it with deez. Deez what? Deez crumbled nuts, butterscotch sauce and sprinkles, sucka!

  13. The time I deep-throated the cone.

  14. The time I yelled “Fuck me raw!” at it.

  15. The time I tried to get it to wear leather and spank me.

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