Confronting Car Confabulation

We drive. A lot. And as we speed along in our cars, sometimes we talk. To each other. But rarely do we actually realize that with all of this cruising, a silent communication revolution has taken place, producing an all-together new form of communication: the Car Confabulation.

People are notoriously comfortable in their own, private vehicles, making the Car Confabulation unlike any other form of in-person communication: when asked in Gallup polls, 90 percent of Americans say they would not give up their commutes if given the choice. Much like runners and swimmers and cyclists claim to accomplish their deep thinking while lost in the automatic motions of exercise, driving allows a mindless, purposeful action to take place in a seemingly private setting, creating the optimal environment for deep thought to occur.

In the movies, for example, the emotionally-disturbed characters always go for car rides to sort out their troubled lives. Apparently, it seems to help. Add a couple more people to the car, though, and passengers become at ease in a way that would be unnatural in any other setting: the passengers sit, facing forward, avoiding eye contact and generally unable to read each others’ faces. This creates a huge zone of and for the personal. Skin-to-skin contact is discouraged, dousing the average four-door’s potential for any kind of intimacy. In any other environment, avoiding all eye and skin contact would be considered blatantly unnatural, disrespectful and hostile towards the rest of the human race; within the confines of an automobile, however, such behavior is the accepted standard.

While passengers feel safe from each other in a car, they also feel safe from the rest of the world. It acts as a buffer-zone from the daily chaos that is life. Cars—at least higher-end cars—are relatively noise-free because of their elaborately comfortable seating and surround sound systems, creating a miniature world detached from the real world. (For the record, my ’90 Toyota Tercel offers neither comfortable seating nor a noise-free environment, and yet the buffer-zone is still—thank goodness—maintained.)

Car passengers are free from the many distractions of everyday home and work, unable to dodge conversation, able to tackle sensitive matters. Atmospherically encouraged to speak openly, occupants say things they might not in a less safe, less private setting. A virtual sound-stage for intimate conversation is created, and the Car Confabulation jumps to life.

With the rare opportunity to choose the background music of choice, cars give stressed-out Americans an opportunity to catch up on each others’ lives. Much like any other change of gears, these Catch-Up Car Confabulations do not spontaneously begin the moment the engine guns; it certainly take a few minutes for passengers to adjust to the intimate car environment. But a comfortable silence or light chatter marks the build up to a true Car Confabulation, imitating any other form of human intimacy.

Catch-Up Car Confabulations are particularly common between parents and children. Such rides can prove to be repetitive, featuring identical conversation through eight years of primary schooling. For example:

Parent: “So what did you do in school today?”

Child: “I dunno.”

Still, the car is one of the few arenas where people can genuinely connect with each other, free from other distractions. The Catch-Up Car Confabulation is really just a 21st century showing of care and love—troubled relationships always feature silent car rides. Once the door opens, the spell is lost. Like a phone ending a much-need nap, the occupants are thrust back into the loud realities of the non-car world, and the Car Confabulation is terminated until the next ride.

—Arianne R. Cohen