Minutes

8,340: Minutes of classes at the Extension School cancelled due to the hellacious wrath of Mother Nature. 60: Minutes of Leo Damrosch’s undergraduate class, English 185: “Wit and Humor,” that were cancelled when Damrosch misread a sign that announced the cancellation of Extension School classes.

480: Minutes it took for Joe Millionare to convince Zora and Sarah he was a bona fide millionare.

<1: Minutes it took for FOX to convince Joe Millionaire that he is in fact a bona fide millionaire.

105: Minutes it took for residents of the Yard to erect a towering representation of Harvard’s collective “manhood.”

5: Minutes it took to knock it down...to a more reasonable size.

9,090: Minutes (and counting) that “The Simpsons,” arguably the greatest show in television history, has appeared on the air.

840: Minutes (and sadly counting) that “The Anna Nicole Smith Show,” undeniably the greatest cultural blight in the span of human history, has appeared on the air.

4.5: Minutes of Madonna’s new anti-war ballad entitled “American Life.”

.5: Minutes taken on average by visitors to www.masturbateforpeace.com to make their contribution to the peace movement.

135: Minutes that the weak first-years in Wigglesworth K were snowbound when the door to their entryway jammed shut behind a wall of snow.

2: Minutes required for the mighty Yard Ops to liberate them from their ice prison.

17,251,200: Minutes the longest serving employee in McDonald’s history, Clare Kimmerle, 79, has worked for the Golden Arches.

41,522,400: Minutes Clare Kimmerle, 79, has gone without eating a Big Mac.

10,080: Minutes that Harvard Printing and Publishing Services has been sold out of the History of Architecture & Architecture 10 sourcepack.

45: Minutes it takes to copy it at Kinko’s.

46,080: Minutes since the Bush administration filed an amicus brief opposing the University of Michigan’s use of affirmative action policies in its law school admissions.

13,140,000: Minutes since the Supreme Court first ruled in UC Davis v. Bakke that some forms of affirmative action in admissions are constitutional.

360: Minutes Gossip Guy spent on this week’s column.

3.6: Minutes Gossip Guy has spent this week on his thesis.