News
Cambridge Residents Slam Council Proposal to Delay Bike Lane Construction
News
‘Gender-Affirming Slay Fest’: Harvard College QSA Hosts Annual Queer Prom
News
‘Not Being Nerds’: Harvard Students Dance to Tinashe at Yardfest
News
Wrongful Death Trial Against CAMHS Employee Over 2015 Student Suicide To Begin Tuesday
News
Cornel West, Harvard Affiliates Call for University to Divest from ‘Israeli Apartheid’ at Rally
Have you heard of the Yale Bomb? Ya, well dropping it isn’t that cool. Being a guy—and not much of a looker at that—I really wish my name was Elihu Harvard. I’d be a lot cooler. Oh the places I’d go.
They’ve done a lot of studies about being second best. Silver medalists in the Olympics aren’t happy campers. And neither am I. Princeton’s happy though. Ignorance is bliss.
People tell me Yale has cool buildings and cooler kids. They say most of us probably turned down Harvard. I didn’t, but my friend says he did. I don’t believe him.
Oh the places I’d go.
Elihu Harvard. Brother of John Harvard; son of Robert Harvard. Harvard! You know when I Google myself, I get a decent result. I mean 5,500 ain’t bad. But John gets 55,700. He probably has more friends on the Facebook than I do.
So today we’re going to get beat in football by Harvard. Surprise, surprise. Whatever.
Elihu Harvard…Oh the places I’d go.
Elihu Yale ’0-for-3-and-going-on-4 is a paint by numbers concentrator who wishes he was in your House. He is the founder of Public Lamentation About Your Status for the Unsatisfied Safety School Resident (PLAYS for the USSR).
Want to keep up with breaking news? Subscribe to our email newsletter.