15 Purchases

Harvard’s recent purchase of a timber forest in New Zealand is just the first step in the quest for worthwhile investments for its ever-growing endowment. FM has uncovered a top-secret list of the next 15 properties Harvard is looking to purchase.

1) A cheese factory in Wisconsin

2) The domain name www.harvardsucks.com

3) Larry Summers’ grade school bully

4) The entirety of Liberia

5) Al Gore III’s bail bond

6) A McDonalds franchise in the south of France

7) President Bush’s Texas ranch

8) Darth Vader’s original costume for Dean Kirby at graduation

9) Your soul

10) Any newspaper that criticizes the $34 million compensation of Harvard fund managers

11) Robert Rubin’s Citibank contract

12) Yale

13) Some attractive people…any…please

14) Versailles

15) U.S. News and World Report