Dartboard was very pleased to find that thefacebook.com has allowed its users to reveal even more information about their uber-interesting personal lives. Above and beyond listing each and every one of their closest 400 friends, committed facebook users—those in committed relationship, not those who commit their precious hours to the site—now have the option of designating exactly who that one special friend is, by naming outright who they’re “in a relationship” with.
But this savvy feature doesn’t just benefit snooping subscribers with crucial information about the lucky love lives of others. No, it also, and more importantly, confers advantages to users, like Dartboard, who are in (but will surely fall out of) love. Just yesterday Dartboard was able to dump, or rather, ‘cancel’ her relationship with her current boyfriend, leaving the unknowing dumpee still labeled as “in a relationship” whilst Dartboard had moved onto bigger and better relationship status domains. Dartboards bestows a big-up to thefacebook.com for facilitating online dumping! Never has not having to stammer out “it’s not you...” to end a doomed pairing been so easy. Just click remove and find sexy-singledom waiting for consumption.
Advantages aside, the new feature does have its faults. Namely, it doesn’t allow for those engaged in multiple relationships—those who prefer simultaneous loving to one on one—to give proper credit where all the proper credit is due. After dumping her former boyfriend, Dartboard tried to list all three of her new partners only to find that she could only list one.
But, Dartboard sighs, a love like this, and this, and this deserves to be broadcasted to the greater Harvard community in its entirety. Dartboard begs you, thefacebook.com, don’t leave me hanging.
—JASMINE J. MAHMOUD