Making Moonshine

Following the University’s decision to bust the booze budget, FM figured that some socially imprisoned youngsters would be in dire need of a cheap new way to get that Friday night buzz. Under these lock-down conditions, we thought it would be appropriate to take a cue from real inmates and present the official recipe for “Harvard Hooch,” FM’s version of prison rotgut. Sure, it might taste like sewage, but who cares? It’s free.

You can get all the ingredients you need right in the dining hall. Grab a trash bag, a gallon of orange juice, two cups of sugar, and two crusty dinner rolls. Toss the juice and rolls in the trash bag and twist it shut while leaving enough empty space for gases to build up. Put the bag in your sink and run hot water over it for thirty minutes to activate the fermentation process. Once the bag is nice and warm, wrap it in a towel and stow it in a dark place. After waiting a day, open the bag and toss in the sugar, ensuring that your hooch will have a high alcohol content.

Now it’s time to wait for your juice cocktail to bloom into a festering alcoholic abomination. Store the bag in a warm place, opening it once a day to let off excess gas. Do not be alarmed by any nauseating fumes, (we promise, these are an entirely natural part of the process). After six days of nurturing, the rotgut should reach maturity. It’s then time to finalize the process. Open the bag and scoop out the unrecognizable, mold-laced remnants of the dinner rolls. Then using an old sock or T-shirt strain the contents of the bag as you pour them into a new container. You are now in possession of a stomach-churning, 2 to 14 percent alcohol mixture. Serve on the rocks and fend off the urge to vomit. Enjoy, if you can.

[WARNING: If you actually try this, you’ll get what you deserve. Sources: Modern Drunkard Magazine, The Rogue Voice prison magazine, and Wikipedia’s entry on Pruno ]