Please, Don’t Mention Us

While it is perhaps to be expected that most Americans don’t know very much about the world’s nations—after all, nearly two-thirds of U.S. citizens from 18 to 24 years old could not find Iraq on a map in 2006 —it seems that local folks have a particular affinity for the ignorant invocation of Canada in their political discourse.

Following Alec Baldwin’s lead, disgruntled liberals in the last few years have been constantly on the verge of claiming refugee status within the borders of their northern neighbor. Meanwhile, God-fearing conservatives seem happy to share in Pat Buchanan’s nuanced vision of Canada as “Soviet Canuckistan.”

In “Bowling for Columbine,” filmmaker Michael Moore mentions how many Canadians don’t lock their doors, but fails to reveal that all the Canucks he interviewed were short-listed for Darwin Awards.

While Canada’s “Marxism” functions as a punch line on the right side of the aisle, 46 states in the union have higher combined federal and state corporate tax rates than their counterparts across the border.

In short, both the American Left and Right are seriously confused about the vast land to the north. We need not look any further than the series of conflicting attitudes on Canadian health care and military deployments to recognize America’s striking ignorance of its closest ally (in terms of distance, anyway).

Canada does have universal health care, the source of endless praise from American liberals and reactionary, name-calling from conservatives. Again, it was Michael Moore who stoked the leftist love-in with his documentary “Sicko.” When a few Canucks objected to his portrayal by pointing out the long waiting lines for treatment, Moore fired back by calling them “ingrates.” In 2007, the average patient in Canada waited more than 18 weeks between seeing their family doctor and receiving the surgery or treatment they required. A “brain drain” is also presently in effect: Better career opportunities in the United States entice many talented Canadian doctors to leave home and head south.

But, “socialized health care”—as it is known on Fox News—is also much cheaper than its American analogue. In 2006, Americans spent 15.3 percent of their GDP on health care, whereas Canadians spent 9.8 percent. In fact, the quintessential American company, General Motors, signed a letter declaring that “it is vitally important that the publicly funded health care system be preserved and renewed” in Canada. Because of the effective, socialistic health care system in place, a multinational corporation—Toyota—opted to construct a new plant in Ontario in 2005 despite being wooed by several southern U.S. states with hundreds of millions of dollars in subsidies.

Beyond the imbroglio over health care, Canada is simultaneously extolled and excoriated simply for being that pacifist nation next to the warmongering hyperpower. TV personality Tucker Carlson made his views clear after the Canadian government refused to participate in the Iraq war, calling the country out for its “limpid, flaccid nature.” Canadians have been accused of not thinking with their penises for refusing to sign on for a paltry “hundred years of war.” But forget our foresight and prudence—the question has become whether we Canadians can recover our manhood.

In reality, Carlson’s low blow is refuted by the facts: Canadian troops are doing a substantial amount of the dirty work in the forgotten war in Afghanistan. Troops are stationed under the maple leaf in one of the most dangerous Afghan provinces, Kandahar. Consequently, Canada has the highest proportion of deaths relative to the number of troops on the ground of any major coalition member in Afghanistan. To lump us in (as did one Ms. Coulter) with the effete French who refuse to set foot in Kandahar is just another product of the vast right-wing conspiracy.

It is probably too much to ask Americans to actually know details about Canada—at the end of the day, there are more people in California. But, for good measure, I would ask you to just leave Canada out of your political discourse. It’s bitter enough as it is.


Brian S. Chen ’10, a Crimson editorial editor, is a social studies concentrator in Eliot House.