15 Budget Cuts Harvard Needs

Budget cuts have swept through campus faster than news of a party during Freshman Week. But apparently the administration didn’t make it to the end of “Confessions of a Shopaholic,” because they’ve still done a lot of spending on stuff nobody really needs or cares about. FM presents some of the areas where Harvard is still losing money like a trip to the COOP. 15) The Polynesian dancers at the recent Aloha Harvard event. Although apparently we didn’t pay them enough to do the hula. 14) Picking out new couches for the Dunster Library, which is only open from 12-4 on Friday and Saturday. The four people who will notice this say thanks. 13) Boston weather will only permit us to sit in the new chairs in the Yard and the Quad for a combined total of about 20 days in the entire school year. Much cheaper to bring blankets and sit on the grass. Nature is in. 12) A class of 2013 convocation because the freshman still want more “pomp and circumstance,” so we give them a ceremony just to make them happy. 11) Self-locking doors installed—because we can’t lock the doors ourselves? If you refuse to lock your door, don’t complain about getting your stuff stolen. 10) Red phones in the rooms. The only calls we get on them are from advertisements. 9) Repainting Rev. Gomes’s house. This is just a guess, but I doubt it can maintain that incredible shade of yellow without regular upkeep. 8) Resident Deans. House Masters. House Administrators. House Superintendents. Assistant Resident Deans. Assistants to the Assistant Resident Deans? This is not the Federal Government of the United States. We do not need a system of checks-and-balances. 7) While many can appreciate the effort to re-guild the walls of Adams dining hall, we’d rather be able to sit down to a hot breakfast. Eat the gold dome we cannot. 6) We can get drunk in public without spending thousands to have Sarah Bareilles serenade us with the one song we know. Half of us didn’t make it to Yardfest anyhow. And the other half probably don’t remember it. 5) Folklore and Mythology department. Sanskrit. All departments with less than ten people. Sorry guys, but can’t you just consolidate into one “Old Shit” department? 4) I called the evening van service and told them I had a broken leg. They never came. Instead they suggested I walk to Lamont and catch the shuttle there. 3) An entire building for Gen Ed. Isn’t this what FAS meetings are for? 2) Organic Manure in the Yard. Oh, now I get why we need chairs instead of just blankets. Gross. 1) We’re all for supporting local farmers. But do we need to eat squash with every meal?