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Kanye’s latest album is a brash triumph, but just as important for 2010 was his acquisition of a Twitter account. West has quickly proven himself the year’s foremost up-to-the-minute commentator, filtering both the most common and the most exceptional of his experiences through his unparalleled blend of earnest bombast and self-conscious wit. As Kanye himself puts it, between the album and the ubiquitous media presence online, “You ain’t get the memo? Yeezy’s back in style.”
1. “I CAN HEAR YOU SCREAMING ‘COLOR INSIDE THE LINES!!!’ WELL FUCK YOUR COLORING BOOK.”
Because I’m not sure they sell coloring books in 2010. Is that an app?
2. “Yo I ain’t gone lie... the diamond teeth be looking crazy dope with tux jackets. The juxtaposition is what I live for.”
Because in 2010 we all lived for the juxtaposition.
3. “No seriously ... I said my teeth are real diamonds... these are not fronts... I replaced my bottom row of teeth with diamonds.”
Because that’s too real.
4. “On set of the movie... this doe just refuses to sit still... I told the deer... ‘what would Bambi do?’ & she looked at me like I was crazy.”
Because news of the overhyped VMAs incident must have reached the forest.
5. “Is it wrong to wear a CHANEL dinner jacket with a T shirt to the airport if it’s still breakfast time out here in Singapore uugh TOO LATE!”
Because if you’re still worrying about fixing something in 2010, it’s probably too late.
6. “Tell everyone at the label only use Gothic or Helvetic fonts for email blast unless I otherwise approve.”
Because no matter what Microsoft Word 2010 tells us, Cambria isn’t happening.
7. “Make sure your accounts receivable are faster than your accounts payable.”
Because 2010 was a year for financial awareness. Kanye’s one college dropout who knows when to step his accounts game up.
8. “I specifically ordered persian rugs with cherub imagery!!! What do I have to do to get a simple persian rug with cherub imagery uuuuugh.”
Because excess isn’t what it used to be.
9. “What’s better for devil worshipping Iphone or the Droid... Does lucifer return text... is he or she on Skype? Don’t wanna be sexist.”
Because 2010 was a year for worrying more about political correctness than eternal damnation.
10. “Everything sounds like noise!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EVERYTHING SOUNDS LIKE NOISE!!!!!!! I don’t trust anyone!”
Because this year left me confused, too.
—Adam T. Horn is the incoming Columns Editor. Columns are his beautiful dark twisted fantasy.
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