According to a recent Boston Herald article, you passed out next to an empty couch last weekend with genitalia sharpie-d on your hairless chest because of a “troubled economy,” disparaging job prospects, and our worries about our “parents’ ability to pay for tuition.” Whatever, we’re over it. FM presents its own reasons why Harvard is hitting the bottle.
1) Harvard girls.
2) Harvard guys.
3) Rubinoff is cheaper than water.
4) Professor Kaiser isn’t in to you. Let the tears roll.
5) Spring is here! As the sun touches your skin for the first time in months, the
boost in vitamin D will mean your liver’s return to health. Or something.
6) To forget some of the images locked in your mind from Primal Scream. Yes,
they’re still with you.
7) You might take off your pants outside ’Noch’s.
8)You might almost hook up with a prefrosh.
9) In your inebriated haze, you can still hold on to the delusion that you will
one day lose your virginity.
10) In your inebriated haze, you can still hold on to the delusion that you didn’t
lose your virginity in the basement of a certain final club.
11) Midterms are over—you need something to drink that’s not coffee.
12) Jesus’ first miracle turned water to wine.
13) To develop a repertoire of sketchy photos that will haunt your future
14) You can only remember the lyrics to “Don’t Stop Believing” when you’re
15) The Charles is melting.