If the question “What are you being for Halloween?” has you breaking a sweat, then look no further than FM for an answer to your problems. Though the holiday is just a week away, have no fear—this quiz will match you with your perfect Halloween costume. Happy trick-or-treating! Because that’s what college kids do these days, right?
1. Last year for Halloween, you were:
a) A “tiger” (aka you wore animal-print lingerie).
b) Not dressed up. Isn’t that so high school?
c) Britney Spears, post-breakdown. Shaved head and all.
d) A hot Albert Einstein.
2. Your favorite class is:
a) Sexological Theories in the WGS department.
b) Ec10 or CS50 or Gov20 or LS1A – I can’t decide!
c) Your Brain on Drugs: Psychopharmacology.
d) Woman and the Body.
3. The best type of Halloween candy is:
a) Hot Tamales.
c) Any candy that’s small, round, and actually a pharmaceutical.
d) Life Savers.
4. Your friends would describe you as:
a) Like, totally hot!
b) Hard working.
c) Actually crazy.
d) Smart and attractive.
5. On Halloween night at 1 a.m., people will find you:
a) Scantily clad, hopping from the Phoenix to the Delphic.
b) Drafting a history paper in Lamont.
c) Twerking on John Harvard.
d) Playing a Bananagrams drinking game.
6. The morning after Halloween at 11 a.m., people will find you:
a) Scantily clad, hopping from the Delphic to your dorm.
b) Still drafting your history paper in Lamont.
c) They won’t.
d) Coffee-fueled at lecture.
7. Your life motto is:
a) Blondes have more fun.
c) Can’t stop, won’t stop.
d) Work hard, play hard, wear bunny ears.
8. Your favorite TV show is:
a) Any E! show.
b) Game of Thrones.
d) Grey’s Anatomy.
9. This year, your friends are dressing up as:
a) What they were last year. Sexy animals.
c) Life-sized stuffed animals.
d) Seductive defense attorneys.
10. If a Top 100 song were your theme song, it would be:
a) “Young and Beautiful” by Lana Del Rey.
b) “Work B**ch” by Britney Spears.
c) “We Can’t Stop” by Miley Cyrus.
d) “Radioactive” by Imagine Dragons.
Tally up your points: for every a) add 1 point, b) add 2 points, c) add 3 points, and d) add 4 points.
1-10 points: This year, dress up as every college boy’s dream: a Playboy Bunny! It should be an easy enough outfit to throw together, seeing as you’ll be wearing essentially nothing. Yes, you might freeze your little bunny tail off, but at least you’ll look hot, right?
11-20 points: You’d better just say you’re dressing up as a “Harvard Student.” As a real Harvard student, you obviously don’t have time to bother putting together a costume. Just throw on a sweatshirt emblazoned with the H-bomb and make sure you carry a backpack wherever you go. Maybe you’ll even score some candy from the admiring tourists walking around the Yard.
21-30 points: Congratulations! You’ll be perfect as Miley Cyrus circa 2013 this year. Get an edgy haircut, buy bright lipstick, and wear tight crop tops or body suits. Better yet, just go out completely nude. Extra points if you manage to ride around on a wrecking ball the whole night.
31-40 points: Ah, the Sexy Doctor. Wearing this costume, you’ll be sure to get any Harvard student excited about their pre-med requirements. This is a pretty easy outfit to master—just make sure you've got a stethoscope and notepad. The unflattering white lab coat is optional.