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Arts Vanity Issue: 'Gravity Falls' in Quotes

By Katherine L Borrazzo
By Alan R. Xie, Crimson Staff Writer

It airs on Disney XD, but this is not just a children’s show.

1. Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Bros

Xyler: Jean Paul Sartre postulated that every existing thing is born without reason, prolongs itself out of weakness, and dies by chance.

Craz: Totally righteous, bro!

2. Louis C.K. as a Lonely Monster Head with a Protruding Hand

The Horrifying Sweaty One-Armed Monstrosity: Anybody want to get in my mouth? I’m a big, hungry monster—I’m a big hungry monster here! I would really appreciate it if someone—you ma’am, you ma’am, how would you like to get in my [inaudible background screams]—anybody? Hello? Hey hey, sir, sir! False alarm. It’s just a bird. Not one person. Not one person has gotten in my mouth. I don’t care anymore. I just—[sighs]—I’ve got to call my mother.

3. Oscar-winner J.K. Simmons as a Season-Long Guest Star

Ford Pines: My whole life I'd been teased for my six fingers. But that got me thinking about anomalies: things that were odd, unusual, statistically improbable. And according to my investigations, there was one place with a higher concentration of these things than anywhere else. A small lumber town in roadkill country, Oregon: Gravity Falls.

4. Jon Stewart as a Southern Feline Judge

Judge Kitty Kitty Meow Moew Face-Shwarstein: Order, order! This trial begins right meow!

5. Rick and Morty Creator Justin Roiland is (Fittingly) an Incompetent Time Traveler

Time Anomaly Removal Crew Operative Blendin Blandin of the year 207̃012: I'm gonna keep stammering until you find them! I, I, I, I, I...

6. Justin Roiland Does Commercials Too

Bobby Renzobbi: Hey you! Sick of constantly dropping your baby? Hi! I’m Bobby Renzobbi and what you need is the Huggy Wuvvy Tummy Bundle!

TV Extra: I can hold ten babies at once!

Bobby: I know what you’re thinking! Does it work for pigs? Ahaha, yes it does work for pigs, stupid! Feel your pig’s heartbeat next to yours!

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