Canada Goose

Our favorite childhood game has relocated from the playground to Harvard Yard. “Duck, duck, goose” has turned into a different form of entertainment on campus—pointing out “Duck boots, duck boots, Canada Goose” in the wintertime. A part of the seasonal uniform, a Canada Goose jacket typically costs about $845, with some of the most expensive nearing $1,700. Is it worth the investment? Should the funds be put toward something else? Have no fear, FM is here. We’ve put together some alternative ways to spend your cash.

FOR FANS OF A SUPERIOR GOOSE

On college campuses across the globe, there is only one kind of goose that is more beloved than the Canada Goose. It is far more comforting, and keeps your body warmer as well. Though not an ingredient for cooking liver, this goose will do serious damage to your liver. Hailingfrom France and weighing in at a whopping 80 proof, we’re talking about none other than Grey Goose. At $40 a liter, for the price of a Canada Goose jacket, you can buy 21 liters of Grey Goose. This translates into about one liter for each week of the school year. If those figures don’t have you rethinking your investment, we don’t know what will. FM recommends reusing fall jackets for winter, pocketing a flask (or a few), and braving the cold Canada Goose-less.

FOR THE FOODIES

Perhaps the Canada Goose patch isn’t enough to seduce your all too distant, all too near section love. Maybe you look a little bulky under all of the layers. Don’t worry—you can ditch the jacket and still woo the person of your dreams. After all, they say the quickest way to someone’s heart is through his or her stomach. If you’re still yearning to stick to the luxurious goose theme, order foie gras for yourself and that someone special. At $66 for two in the Cambridge area, you can go on 11 goose-filled dates. But realistically, with that Math 21a pset and Expos paper both coming up, the only relevant dates are due dates. So while awaiting those deadlines, treat yourself to JP Lick’s a total of 188 times, 200 Tasty Burger hamburgers, or 633 Insomnia cookies. Then, maybe ask your mom to order your jacket in a size up.

FOR THE ANIMAL LOVER

There’s no way to investigate Canada Goose without considering the real deal—Canadian Geese. FM needed to know if it could possibly purchase a whole farm of Canadian Geese for the price of a single jacket. After delving deep into the strange world wide web of waterfowl information, we found that Canada geese are in rare supply at most farms...and that people put diapers on their goslings. But that’s a story for another time. At $11 per gosling, a goose farm is indeed feasible, even if the Tannery and J.Press cannot supply. For the cost of one parka, we can buy 76 geese—not a bad trade off. In terms of housing our geese, we’re sure Faust will be fine with good Old Harvard Yard. Geese are practically lawnmowers— think of the amount we’ll save on landscaping.