Why Are You Reading This?

FM asks the real question: Why?
By Brian E. Wagner

You know those moments when you’re reading something and you just…zone out? What in the world are these words before you? We at FM have tried our best to answer this question, and have maybe zoned out a few too many times ourselves in the process.

1 | What are you?

A. An economics concentrator

B. A direct descendent of Adam AND Eve. Talk about legacy!

C. A Homo Erectus

2 | When are you reading this?

A. 11:30…fashionably late, that is.

B. Five minutes before your interview.

C. T-minus 24 hours until the deadline

3 | Where are you?

A. Sigma Chi all day everyday.

B. Space is all relative, because Einstein or something.

C. The depths of Widener.

4 | What are you wearing?

A. Snapback and polo button-down, brah.

B. Double-breasted suit with a folded handkerchief.

C. The same coffee-stained sweatpants you’ve had on for three days.

5 | Why are you here?

A. To get lucky.

B. I’ve wanted to be here since I was born. No, longer. I’ve wanted to be here since conception.

C. Read my proposal.

If you answered mostly A’s, you just used this article as a coaster for a 40.

If you answered mostly B’s, you’re a high school junior thinking that if you read Harvard publications you are more likely to get admitted.

If you answered mostly C’s, you’ve mistaken this article for something relevant to your thesis.

Year in Review