But the solar system is made up of planets! You’re not wrong. But I’m talking about living, breathing, talking stars, particularly the ones who made their mark in 2017 and have some striking similarities with our galaxy’s planets. Whether they were a one-hit wonder or made a long-awaited comeback, the following stars deserve recognition.
Mercury: Millie Bobby Brown
Mercury may be the smallest planet, but in no way should it be underestimated. Similarly, Millie Bobby Brown has proved herself a force to be reckoned with at the age of 13. She’s an Emmy-nominated actress, fashion icon, and the star of Netflix’s most successful show. She has even co-hosted an event for UNICEF. (Essentially, this is me giving my place at Harvard to Millie.)
Kesha, how we’ve missed you. You re-entered the music scene without the dollar sign in your name, but like Venus, you’re still as fiery but full of love as ever. You’ve channelled your glitter obsession into gritty song, championing resilience in the process. Two words: Go you.
Earth: Danielle Bregoli
Memes ruled yet another year on Earth. And one of our superstars, Danielle Bregoli, made her famous debut with a very taken aback Dr. Phil (and woefully indignant mother). Lucky for us, she’s given us a response to just about anything. Don’t agree? Cash me ousside, howbow dah.
Mars: Cardi B
We’ve been following the iconic Cardi B on social media for awhile, but no one expected her to pull off one of the most successful singles of the year. “Bodak Yellow” was a diverting, unifying escape from this year of chaos—almost like a visit to Mars would be. Will she bless us with another musical haven? Either way, she finished 2017 with a bang(er).
Jupiter: Kim Kardashian West
We get it: You’re the biggest planet. You basically own “the system.” “The system” is your famous, bronzed family. You also married a pretty famous rapper. And have two (soon to be three) beautiful children, plus a makeup line. People name workouts after you. Ugh. Stop hogging the attention.
Saturn: Miley Cyrus
You’ve been with us for awhile. In fact, many of us don’t remember life without you. You might’ve gyrated your rings a little too enthusiastically in 2013, but we always knew you’d be back. “Malibu” brought us back to Hannah Montana-era Miley, and we just about cried hearing your voice again.
Uranus: Taylor Swift
You’re the butt of every solar system joke. You can try to redeem yourself with new takes on pop music and pseudo-deep music videos, but in the end, no one wants to explore Uranus. Stop trying.