Year in Review: FM Quotes That Also Make Great Tinder Bios

Our cover stories do more than shed light on pressing issues at Harvard. They can also help you scheme cuties.
By Andrew W. Badinelli and Marella A. Gayla

Every week for the past year, Fifteen Minutes has published dynamic pieces of reporting for the cover of our magazine—pieces we affectionately call “scrutinies.” Previous scrutinies have delved into difficult, elusive subjects, shaped heated conversations on campus, and challenged dominant narratives of Harvard’s history.

But our cover stories, chock-full of compelling interviews and lively prose, more than simply shed light on pressing issues at Harvard: they can also help you scheme cuties. We, FM’s resident Tinder gurus, are here to guide you from beneath the covers of our beloved magazine to beneath the covers with that hottie you’ve had your eye on—;) ;) ;).

Here are a few lines from the year’s scrutinies that will surely spice up your dating app profiles:

“Some… fear they would not be competitive applicants.” —Hannah Natanson, The Only Veteran in the Room

But you’re worth the SuperLike anyway!

“Built to resemble a naval fortress.” —Ben G. Cort, We The Petitioners: Rewriting the History of Massachusetts's Native Americans

But a sexy naval fortress.

“Following this is a list of gruesome specifics.” —Ben G. Cort, We The Petitioners: Rewriting the History of Massachusetts's Native Americans

*scrolls down*

“Licenses can be exclusive (meaning no more than one licensee can use the invention) or non-exclusive.” —C. Ramsey Fahs, Patent Pending

You’re not really looking for something serious right now, but you’re open to it. Smooth.

“Every Republican here—and there are more than a dozen—just looks… discouraged.” —Laura E. Hatt, Hillary, I Presume?

Left-swipe for the right-leaning.

“The position comes with a short history marked by frequent change.” —Andrew W. Badinelli, Soul on the Line: Sheehan D. Scarborough ’07 and his Office of BGLTQ Student Life

Oh, we bet it does! ;)

“After all, deciding to leave also means figuring out how to come back.” —Annie E. Schugart and Emma C. Scornavacchi, Putting Harvard on Hold

For that one ex you haven’t quite moved on from.

“Maybe that alternate state of consciousness is realizing that there is no alternate state of consciousness after all.” —Benjamin D. Senzer and Lucy Wang, It’s High Time: Weed at Harvard

You fancy yourself an intellectual. Let your matches know how insufferable you are ahead of time!

“The well-dressed, polite, Nordic blonde from a family with an income of $20,000 a year and up, living in a swanky suburb.” —Mia C. Karr and Hannah Natanson, The Lightning Rod: Race and Admissions at Harvard

You’re not wearing medals and a tuxedo in your first picture, but you still want people to know what’s up.