You want to be a writer, you say? Well, you’ve come to the right place. I know exactly how to get those creative juices flowing. And before you even ask, yes, I am perfectly qualified to tell you, dear reader, how to become the stellar writer you were always meant to be. If you know me, you’ve probably heard I’ve written for Entertainment Weekly and, of course, The Harvard Crimson. One time, a high schooler even emailed me asking for my credentials so they could put it in their annotated bibliography. I’m that big of a deal. So you’re going to want to pay attention and remember these five things that should inspire and enlighten you (and if they don’t, that’s a you problem).
“The Goldfinch” by Donna Tartt
Nothing says art like art about other art. Once you slowly crawl yourself out of the deep hole of despair you have dug into while reading over 700 pages of this heart-wrenching novel, go back and look at the passages describing the painting at the heart of the story. Also, Boris. Every book ever should be about Boris.
“A Game of Thrones” by George R. R. Martin
In case you haven’t noticed, people like sex and violence (and also incest, apparently). But not just any old violence or sex will do. Martin managed to make some of the most questionable narratorial decisions and still had millions of fans. So, if you plan on being problematic, make sure to take some notes on the best ways to pull it off.
I highly suggest watching each episode of Riverdale and taking notes every time a plotpoint makes no sense. I also suggest saving an entire notebook for said notes. This show is a classic example of what not to do. Coincidentally, I also have a review of every episode of Season Four so far. Maybe you should check those out. (Bonus tip: Learn to shamelessly promote yourself).
That one book your high school English teacher recommended
Seriously, all your high school English teacher ever wanted was for one of their students to finally read their favorite book so they could talk about it. You kept promising to read it, then pretended that you had, and honestly, you kind of suck for doing that. It’s probably the cure to your writer’s block, but I guess you wouldn’t know that since you never even read it.
“Kung Fu Panda”
Spoiler alert: Po figures out how to live up to his potential. And guess what, you can too! Nothing is more inspirational than watching this lazy panda learn to be the warrior he was destined to become. Get typing! It’s what Po would have wanted.
—Outgoing Books Executive Caroline E. Tew promises she will stop talking about that one summer she spent in LA, someday, probably.