The Frequent Flier
This kid is the epitome of “Section Kid,” with scarily toned triceps from always having their hand raised and a voice that projects to the very last seat in Science Center B. The professors, the TFs, people who show up to lecture (and people who don’t) all know this student’s name. After a giddy jump after they’ve been called on for the third time that day, they’ll spit out a paragraph-long answer. It’s hard not to wonder why they do it — it’s not like most lectures have participation points anyway.
The student athlete has it hard. From juggling early morning workouts to scootering across the river to get to lecture, we honestly don’t know how they do it — we can barely manage just going to class. They deserve a break when they roll into lecture late. After all, their scooters can only go so fast.
The Plastic Fanatic
You just woke up after a refreshing five minute lecture nap and you’re attempting to copy your friend’s notes on their laptop, only to see four Urban Outfitters tabs instead of the notes document you were hoping for. This lecture kid has already bought four pairs of jeans and has their credit card propped on their screen, ready to buy another color of their favorite chenille sweater.
This student is always furiously scribbling in their notebook, doing so much work that it’s impressive — but not for this class. No, this student is finishing their GenEd essay or math homework which is due right after this lecture, something that they’ll never stop reminding you about. Nevertheless, they manage to get it done. The speediness of this procrastinator is unparalleled — can you imagine what they’d get done if they worked like this all day?
The Silent Snoozer
You have never seen this kid awake. What color are their eyes? You’ll never know because they’re always asleep. From the moment you set your coat down to the moment you’re stuffing your laptop back into your bag, this kid is knocked out. Their jacket is being used as a blanket and their hat is pulled subtly over their eyes. You don’t know why they’re here, but you secretly wish you were more like them.
Lecture can be exciting with the right lecturer, but sometimes you just have to devote your attention elsewhere, whether it be online shopping or your next class. Maybe next time, just skip lecture and get those extra zzz’s instead.