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{shortcode-da3d99f7755fbb644747bdbec8c63c18d502c7bb} Valentine’s Day is upon us, and things are looking pretty desperate for some (most) Harvard students. The dating pool (or should I say bathtub?) is shallow, and anything would be better than yet another lonely Valentine’s Day. You’re even thinking about texting that situationship to hang out. But wait! Don’t do it! A recent film gave a step-by-step set of instructions on how to make a relationship happen, and maybe more?

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Step 1: Find Your Target

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You know that cute athlete that you’ve had your eye on? Well, there is a very obvious way to Saltburn your way into their life: the infamous scooter.

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While I don’t think a popped tire will suffice in giving them a problem, a detached wheel definitely will (you’re going to have to do some research on your own for the logistics). To prepare, memorize their daily routines. Where do they need to go? How do they get there? Spare no effort. Get all of the details. Once this is complete, it’s dismantling time. Then, it’s easy. All you have to do is happen upon them on your own electric scooter when they really have somewhere to be (that Ec10 lecture is unmissable!) and offer it to them oh-so-selflessly. Great! You’ve got your foot in the door!

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Step 2: Allow Them to Show Their Gratitude

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While this may not be grabbing cocktails at a bar or at a party (are there parties at Harvard?), I imagine they take some trips to Noch’s. Run into them while they’re waiting in line, talk with their friends, and offer to pay for a pizza. Oh no! You forgot your money? Never fret, Saltburn says your target has you covered. And, bonus, they might simultaneously pity and appreciate you enough to keep you around for a while.

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Step 3: Who Do They Want You To Be?

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This next step is crucial. You must lose all autonomy over your personality. It’s fairly simple. It’s comparable to when you switched up your personality every time you had a new TV/Youtube obsession (anyone else stop sleeping entirely after watching O.G. Emma Chamberlain?) and did a full 180 on your personality. Like that.

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This step will also require some trial and error. You’ll need to interact with them a few times to figure out what they want from you. One hint: don’t criticize their cleanliness and blame it on their wealth. I don’t think anyone wants that.

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Step 4: Lie. A Lot.

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Here comes the hard part (or maybe the easy part if you’re actually taking this article seriously): maintaining the image you’ve worked so hard to develop. How do you do this? You lie. You have to force them into thinking they’d be an awful person for abandoning you… especially in the midst of a tragedy. Too many p-sets? No, a tough situation with your parents. How can they support you in this time of need? An offer to stay with them at their family mansion might not be that far-fetched with some of the big names on campus.

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Just make sure that they have absolutely no access to any information regarding your true life. We have to learn from Ollie’s failures just as much as his successes.

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Step 5: Karaoke?

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At this point, maintain the façade and have fun! Take part in some slight manipulation of their friends! Make out with their siblings! Keep them on their toes! And make sure that you’re always prepped and ready for some spontaneous karaoke!

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Relationships are hard, especially so when they’re based on your real true personality. You have so much less to lose if you just lie to people. So, stay strong, make your move, and refer to this manual when necessary.

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{shortcode-9d7404694ee1bbd3a22d399846af47d5c79ba22b} While you all are dreaming about getting that prized study abroad funding (due on Thursday, by the way!), we’re dreaming about summer internships that don’t exist yet. Let’s be honest: most internships kind of cater to our interests, but they don’t cover all the bases that we wish they would. So, in case any internship-providing companies read Flyby, we composed an imaginary list that we think Harvard students would absolutely eat up. The perfect internships for Harvard students, if you will. There’s something for every career goal in our little list…

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Pre-Vet | Longitudinal Single-Cat Case Study

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We know there are, like, five of you, but we haven’t forgotten about you! Gain some valuable veterinary experience by documenting the life of our favorite friendly cat. Follow Remy around from 6-12 a.m. every day (you can nap when he naps) and answer the questions the world is asking: What does he eat? Where does he sleep? Is his favorite spot really the Barker Center? You’ll get a “Nature” publication out of this one, guaranteed.

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Pre-Mr. Krabs | Exploring the Harvard Endowment

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Dreaming of getting rich? Take notes from the richest university in the world. This internship will give you an inside look at the Harvard endowment. First of all, where is it? Like, is it in a forbidden passageway in the Kirkland House basement? Is it all in GameStop stocks? Second of all, how does Harvard money get spent? How much of the budget do all those Science Center/Yard chairs take up? How much does it cost to make a batch of Red Spiced Chicken? All essential questions that you will get answered through this internship for anyone interested in finance!

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Pre-Med | Medical Internship (Brutally Honest)

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In this transformative experience, a few lucky pre-med students will be assistants for medical residents. You will get the privileges of a lifetime – doing all their paperwork (60 hours a week), letting attendings yell at you instead of the resident because residents deserve a break (60 hours a week), and assembling mountains of flashcards for their exams (60 hours a week). We know there aren’t 180 hours in a week. That’s why this is a transformative experience.

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Pre-President | Literally Become President

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Half the presidential battle is already won, because you go to Harvard. So, there’s not much going on in this internship. This internship has two parts. You will first be sent this poster, which you must study in order to become president. Seriously, every president since George Washington has definitely had this poster hanging in their dorm. You don’t memorize it inside and out, you don’t get the nuclear launch codes. Period. Second, you will become President Joe Biden’s dog walker. This internship will guarantee you a future spot as a leader of literally any country!

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Pre-Charles Darwin | Discover a New Species!

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In this exciting internship, you will get to discover a new species! Obviously, we can’t tell you where to look. It would ruin the fun! Try an undersea cave or the inside of a volcano or something. Go talk to biologists too; they probably know where fun new worms might be hiding. The pay is $300,000, and internship length ranges from one day to eternity.

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Pre-Saul Goodman | Do You Have What It Takes?

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You’ve heard the saying that “[insert any occupation] is born, not made.” So, future criminal lawyers, let’s find out if you were born for this. First, you will be assigned a crime to commit. Second, you will have to defend yourself in court. Under the mentorship of a Harvard Law School-trained lawyer of your choosing, you will learn the skills needed to be a criminal defense lawyer REALLY fast. It’s called on-the-job training. If you succeed, you will evade a potential jail sentence and (probably) gain automatic admission to HLS. If you fail… Well, apply for this internship at your own risk.

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Pre-Tony Stark | In Loving Memory of Anthony Edward Stark

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Literally build a fully functioning Iron Man suit. We’ll give you $300,000; just come back when you get the job done. You are allowed to take one or more gap years to finish this project. Completion will allow you to change your degree name to “B.S. in…” So you will graduate with a B.S. in Romance Languages, for example. If you are already getting a B.S. degree, you will get a B.S.^2 degree to show you are extra smart.

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Those are all the nonexistent internships we could think of! But we hope this inspires you to stop procrastinating on your summer internship applications or maybe helps you create a transformative summer experience of your own. Happy essay writing!

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{shortcode-921563b82dfb75575cf6feebbf9c6cc96ee1cb43} Back to school season is exciting, but also always exactly the same, especially when it feels like we just left for winter break yesterday. How many rows of back-to-school-bingo can you get?

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{shortcode-f7360232f8bb66eb0eddfc8764da4883622cfc4f}As you may know from all of our beautiful digital news displays around campus, Barry Keoghan is the Hasty Pudding Man of the Year, which means he’s on campus — TODAY! And we at Flyby, because we are ~public service journalism~, and the public includes Barry Keoghan, have decided to make a custom tour of Harvard’s campus just for him. Each and every one of our writers, except the ones who weren’t there when we had this conversation, weighed in with where we would take Barry on a tour. Barry, this one’s for you!

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Saltburn-Inspired Spots

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“Apley Court, because they have the nice marble bathtubs.”

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“I’d take him to Lamont basement… Pusey Library, specifically. ”

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“The Old Burial Ground… I mean…” (Many seconded this.)

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Taking Advantage of His Celebrity Status

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“We’d go to Pinnochio’s, because that’d be my only chance of getting on the wall there.”

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“The MAC, because he’s so buff. Maybe he can teach me to work out with him.”

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“I would take him to Zinneken’s because I love Zinneken’s, and I think I could get a waffle out of him.”

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Two Weeks Until Valentine’s Day…

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“The art museums. I really like his accent, so we could just chat, and I personally don’t think he’s that cute, so I wouldn’t really have to look at him. We could just look at the paintings.”

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“Black Sheep. If he doesn’t like bagels, I don’t want him.”

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“The Science Center observatory at night. #iykyk”

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Humbling Him the Harvard Way

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“Straight to the Science Center for p-setting.”

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“Any d-hall, specifically when there’s nowhere to sit.”

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“I would take him to Mather JCR just so he could see where ~the party~ happened. Maybe a ceiling tile will fall on him.”

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“Honestly, I just want to bring him to a laundry room so he can experience it. I feel like it’s humbling. And he can pay for my laundry.”

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“The John Harvard statue. He’s a pretty creative and weird guy. He’d figure something out. Maybe he’d touch the foot.”

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“The Mather tunnels because it’s real warm down there, and there’s weird sludge coming out of the walls.” (Editor’s note: we don’t really get this one, but we let our writers speak their truths.)

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“14 Plympton Street. He needs to see where we said all of these things.”

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The Barry-Centric

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“Berryline because Barry-line.”

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“Barry’s Corner on the Allston Loop. I’d just leave him there.”

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Barry, if you’re reading this, please follow and tag us on Instagram @flybyblog. We’d like more followers. Also, please hit us up for this tour. You can tell us what you think of Berryline!

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{shortcode-0888d7c064e4b1924da219bcdc55bed0828d2c70}As a resident of Leverett House, I genuinely have few complaints. The rooms are wonderfully spacious (in the towers, at least), the library is beautiful, the food is good — you might be thinking, what more could I possibly ask for? Different d-hall chairs, specifically ones without arms. This might seem dramatic, but I continuously find armed chairs in the d-hall a key part of my dining experience, and not in a good way. Hangriness aside, my patience for these chairs is running thin — please allow me to go into further detail as to why.

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They stop you from being able to get into the chair in the first place

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I feel like whenever I come to the d-hall I experience a plethora of emotions — maybe I’m trying to catch a quick bite before heading to office hours, or perhaps I’m excited to catch up with friends over a hearty meal. Whatever the circumstances might be, the common theme within all of these scenarios is that I am hungry, and therefore eating should be my primary concern. Instead, when I am trying to find an empty spot to place my tray, I not only have to worry about where to sit, but how to get into that seat. Maybe you can get by if you snag a seat on the end of a table, but if your only option is to sit between people who are already seated, it’s over for you. The only solution is to perform an acrobatic over-the-chair-arm-lunge to get into that seat, because you know there is not enough room between you and the strangers near you to be able to comfortably pull it fully out and sit down. I don’t want to work to be able to enjoy my meal, and d-hall chair arms are the one thing in my way.

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Reversely, once you’re in, you’re trapped

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Great, you finally made it in! Wait, did you forget a fork, a drink, or dessert? Too bad, because now that you’ve worked so hard to get into the chair in the first place, it’s even more effort to try and get out. At least there’s more room when you’re first trying to get into the chair, but now you are confined to the roughly one-and-a-half feet of space that the arms restrict you to. The only choice in this situation is to disrupt the peace of those around you, who are also trying to enjoy their meals, and ask them to move their chairs so you can maneuver around the arms of yours and be freed. Unnecessary interruptions and interaction? I’m not for it.

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Too much personal space

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The main argument that I receive when presenting my d-hall chair case is that they allow for personal space. Sure, you have a whole one and a half feet of space to yourself now, but also how close were you sitting to other people anyways that you need a physical barrier? I’d hope it’s not that close, but I guess that's none of my business. In the same sense, though, the physical barrier that the chair arms present restricts you from being able to reach others at the table. Someone is sitting at the other end of the table and you can’t hear them? Forget trying to lean in, you’re stuck in your personal bubble for the remainder of your meal.

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They’re just more wood

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The thing about the arms of the chairs is that they aren’t even adding any factor of comfort or support to the chair — they’re genuinely just extra pieces of wood. Maybe I’d be able to excuse some of my complaints if they were plush, providing a cushioning experience on your tired, overworked arms. But instead, they’re just as blunt as the rest of the chair, which is already not anyone’s first choice of seating. Poor design, in my humble opinion.

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Their intended purpose just makes me upset

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All in all, I truly believe that even if the arms of the chairs were elevated, if they weren’t as bulky and obstructive as I see them to be, their intended purpose is flawed. How much time is truly spent with your arms not in motion when you’re having a meal. And even when you need to rest your arms, are we forgetting that there is an entire table in front of you that your arms could go on, or if you believe in table etiquette, your lap? I just don’t know why we all of a sudden agreed that having our arms at ninety five degree angles on either side was the logical placement of them. Weird.

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At the end of the day, I recognize that the type of chair I get to eat my lunch in holds an insignificant role in my life. But hey, next time you’re hangry and the only thing between you and your delicious HUDS entree is an extra piece of wood, all you can say is: dude, that’s rude.

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{shortcode-41ddeac82ec5ce28b96f5bcbffa56ede40546ed7}Just like every other book-loving romantic, I spent the final years of my childhood picturing studying by windowed walls, basking in natural light as I typed up a ten page essay or published my next article. In my dreams of the future, my glasses were aesthetic — not functional — and I had an endless supply of cable-knit sweaters and vintage skirts. Most importantly, while my right hand was busy scanning a neurotic text or sketching out notes, my left hand securely clasped a porcelain cup.

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Not even a month into arriving on campus, my dream — or delusion — shattered. The reality of studying in coffee shops provides far more hurdles than a 12-year-old nerd could possibly anticipate.

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Coffee tables have a low, LOW carrying capacity

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While the marble counters on Tatte’s second floor and the wooden surfaces bordering Blue Bottle Cafe are perfect for resting an elbow or two coffee cups when you visit with a friend, they lack the surface area to withstand the clutter of the average workaholic’s backpack. By the time I’ve shaken out two crumpled notebooks, a computer, three chargers, my headphones, and the occasional textbook, the tabletop looks like a jenga tower — if it's still standing.

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They never have any outlets… ever

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Usually, by the time my day is free enough to make space for a cup of caffeine, I’ve spent a couple classes’ worth of battery on taking notes and responding to emails. By the time I sit down with my teacup, my laptop is fighting for its life. Worst of all, it seems everyone else is prepared for this outlet shortage. At my lowest, I spent an afternoon at Bluestone Lane sipping tea and making aggressive eye contact with my computer charging behind another patron’s table. PSA: If you STILL plan on using your devices, bring them fully charged, trust me.

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Sticky drinks and studying don’t go together

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Hot liquids, technological devices, and sticky snacks do not go together. When you truly become devoted to the practice of buying a chai latte and any selection from the bakery before you sit down and pull out your laptop, it won’t be long before your trackpad sticks to your fingertips and your screen looks like a muddy rainbow. Don’t walk into class with a coffee stained p-set. Avoid the crumbs before your keys get jammed by sugar and salt. Keep the messy drinks and their accompanying pastries far away from your final project.

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We’re at a cafe, why even bother?

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When I curl up on a couch at Smith next to my best friend on a Wednesday night, or bunker down with a project partner at Cabot, the social pressure to look studious, the moody vibes, and the white noise of computers clicking keeps me going. But when I settle into a busy coffee shop with a cozy ambiance and a new shot of energy, all study plans quickly degrade into endless tea sessions and complaints about burdensome course loads.

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There you have it, the four reasons why I fail and fail and fail again at studying in coffee shops. If it works for you, I don’t mean to bring you down with me. Please! Continue spilling coffee onto your handouts and keep typing with oily fingers. Bunker down until your computer dies, and then wallow in self pity. Delude yourself and turn study sessions into group hangouts. If that’s not enough, knock over a porcelain cup when you slam your laptop closed and feel the heat of humiliation.

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Take my advice — keep your coffee dates and study sessions separate…you can always get that cup of joe to go.

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{shortcode-fc8390a06220527bafe7ce97d6adf1c26ca6ddfa}Remy the Harvard Cat is a beloved celebrity on campus, but he often doesn’t get enough credit for how relatable he is. As you adjust back to school (and the excitement, stress, or nonexistent sleep schedule that may come with it), remember that Remy is here for you through whatever you’re feeling. Tag Yourself: Which Remy speaks to you today?

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{shortcode-5c503f1dbd2a62a01b8edb4d95b033fe4cb078f4}After a six-week winter break, Harvard students returned to something unexpected: the renovation of Capital One Café.

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Capital One Café (better known as Cap One Café) is our favorite corporate money making scheme. It’s just a coffee shop within the bank Capital One, and anyone who has a Capital One Card receives heavy discounts on their drinks. I know people who have opened an account with Capital One just to receive this discount, which illustrates just how much Harvard students run on caffeine. They also frequently offer $1 handcrafted drinks which always draws a line out the door… waiting in it is a canon event.

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Did anyone know this makeover was coming? Did anyone know that we would return to a basically new café? This is almost as exciting as the opening of Faro or the new Starbucks in the Square.

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It was honestly a great surprise. Cap One Café wasn’t frequently on my coffee shop study spot rotation. But now? It might just be awarded a spot.

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Before break, Cap One Café was a… mediocre coffee shop to say the least. It was a bit dark and dank. The brick walls and black accents didn’t make for a very aesthetically pleasing environment to answer emails or to procrastinate starting an essay by planning your workout classes or social calendar. Because does one ever get real work done in a coffee shop? No.

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It’s no Blue Bottle, but Cap One Café’s relatively characterless interior got a makeover, replaced with neural gray and black tones with woody accents. The amount of small conference rooms have been depleted and replaced with more of an open concept plan, allowing more seating options. There are even couches!

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Another perk is that Cap One Café no longer brews Peet’s coffee and switched to Verve, so no longer do you need to clarify which Peet’s you’re referring to. Are you and your friend meeting at Cap One Peet’s or the ~real~ Peet’s next to Grendel’s? Confusion, be gone.

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Honestly, I haven’t tried Verve yet so I can’t vouch for the quality, but there’s always people in there, so I guess it can’t be that bad? Either that or everyone’s just desperate for some form of caffeine. You can let me know.

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I must lament, I wish the music was also renovated with the interior. Tate McRae and Spotify’s Today’s Top Hits do not promote my peak productivity. Maybe Cap One could take a page out of the Smith Center’s book and opt for some chill lofi? Before you laugh at me, I’m not advocating for a lofi rendition of the Little Mermaid, just something to curate better vibes.

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While Cap One Café has yet to attain the status of a Faro or Blue Bottle (and never will — it’s a bank, after all), I do applaud this makeover. It was a fun surprise upon returning to campus, and hey, we gotta enjoy the little things!

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{shortcode-1146928ea6304d3d17db7853b9cd942160ffb8c8} We all know that escaping Cambridge is the number one daydream of all Harvard students, especially when they’re trying to forget that winter break is sadly over. The semester is just starting, each class seems like a vast ocean that you may get lost in, and you haven’t attended office hours yet to check that your TF is actually fine with your tendency to be late to lecture. Don’t worry: there is a solution! Why stay here and get ahead of your reading, when instead you can explore a whole new world (a.k.a. the MBTA Purple Line)? In this listicle, immerse yourself in a place with no worries, assignments, or p-sets in your way — but don’t forget: all of these places exist in *gasp* real life and are just a train ride away!

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To get to the magical places of wonder and curiosity listed below, take the MBTA Purple Line (Commuter Rail) toward Newburyport/Rockport.

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1) Gloucester, MA

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Are you aching to stare into the coastal winds while sporting the largest scarf you own and contemplating a life at sea? It might be time to visit Gloucester, MA. During the summer (an equally valid time to go), this destination serves beachy, Lana Del Rey, cherry sundae, hot-girl-summer purposes. During the winter, however, is when your favorite film, The Lighthouse (2019) starring Willem Dafoe and Robert Pattinson, really comes to life. Picture this: a frozen seaport, a glacial color scheme, snow, and storm clouds brewing — nothing more is necessary for a weekend of fun. We all know that all humanities majors go feral for Willem Dafoe, let alone a quick freaky-friday identity-switcheroo with Willem’s psyche. Discover your true fisherman persona and head on over to Gloucester. Don’t forget to pack your favorite pre-waterlogged book and some appropriate snacks (artisanal bread, tinned sardines, and an egregiously large quantity of cheese).

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P.S. Don’t even worry — I don’t know how to pronounce Gloucester either! (Masshole editor’s note: it’s Glaw-ster.)

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2) Manchester-By-The-Sea, MA

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Are you a STEM concentrator in search of some time to contemplate life decisions? Perhaps you are trying to figure out the possibilities of an artsy humanities secondary? Manchester-By-The-Sea might be for you. Anyone with an ounce of mid-west nostalgia will love this one. Discover the world where American 90s rock bands were formed — right in your own backyard! The bleak-mid-winter vibes and fisherman town (hello Irish knit wool sweater) is really quite elusive. There are so many beaches, parks, and varieties of wildlife to see in this small town. To really deep dive into your trip planning, consider watching the film Manchester By the Sea (2016), well stocked with fun cast members like your favorite closeted character from Ladybird (Lucas Hedges).

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But I know what you’re thinking. Why would I want to go here if I could just go to Walden pond? Think about the introspection possibilities. The thoughtful gazes and perfect spots to read To The Lighthouse by Virginia Woolf. This is a stem major’s biggest opportunity to cosplay being a Hum 10 freshman — but just for one weekend!

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3) Ipswich, MA

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Have you not stopped listening to the melancholy Charlie Brown soundtrack all break? Do you love a period drama or a Jane Austen classic? Or maybe you recently were gifted a 20th-century-era scarf/hat/mitten set from your favorite aunt? It may be time to visit Ipswich, MA. Snowy trees, ice-skating, and unforgiving winds… Ipswich really has my own heart. The major intrigue is most definitely the castle! Yes, there is a castle. Talk about a daydream fairytale. Take a quick tour there and then make a quick stop in a cozy New England bookstore or coffee shop.

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P.S. Take a peak at one of my personal favorite New England art pieces, Winter at Ipswich (1908) by Theodore Wendel, to get a glimpse of your weekend ahead of time.

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4) Salem, MA

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Are you a Comp Lit, History, or English concentrator? Or perhaps you haven’t yet grasped that Harvard is not, in fact, Hogwarts? Or maybe you just love Charmed and make claim to a slightly overdone 90’s flannel Sabrina the Teenage Witch lifestyle? Either way, please make your overdue plans come to life and head straight to Salem, MA. We know it's not Halloween, but that didn’t come in the way of Goody Proctor or Cotton Mather, did it? Salem is a cliffscape seaside town home to the House of the Seven Gables found in, you guessed it, the book The House of the Seven Gables by Nathaniel Hawthorne. Not only will your souvenirs curse your entire dorm building, but the cozy cafes and lovely seascape will really make your journey worth it. And don’t forget to recreate every one of your fave scenes from Hocus Pocus (1993) — it's a Salem classic.

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5) Providence, RI

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Are you feeling academically overwhelmed? Have you been feeling like it's time to outsource potential romantic relationships? It might be time to take a quick trip to Providence and visit your favorite ‘no grades and barely any assignments’ people that are still your age — Brown University students! This one doesn’t take much explanation, just grab a Brown pamphlet and explore like crazy in RI. Have fun!

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PSA: You can get to Providence by taking the MBTA Purple Line south to Providence/Stoughton.

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And, as you continue the semester, remember: sometimes it’s better to be sad somewhere else than to be sad here!

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{shortcode-d851022b22c5c7bae6cddbaaf9fc121bec9581d4} [A note for the reader: this was originally written on January 16.]

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Though this is headlined as a hate letter to the snow, I want to begin by saying I love the snow. Growing up, I loved snow days (RIP to this new generation of Zoomers) and building snowmen with my older sister on our front porch. Snow is beautiful because it slows down time around us with each of its intricate six petaled crystallizations. But, oh boy, does it slow… down… time…, especially as I wait here in NYC’s LaGuardia Airport for my flight to campus that is now four hours delayed.

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Honestly, it’s exciting — this is my first delayed flight, and I’ve never stayed in the airport this long before. I’ve already eavesdropped on countless conversations, watched exasperated people come and go, and observed how a stressed flight attendant handled a crowd of twenty anxious passengers.

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Let’s start from the beginning.

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It all started last night, as I nervously watched the snow powder the ground from my window and said to my dad, “Oh boy, I hope the snow doesn’t affect my flight tomorrow.” Famous last words.

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I arrive at the airport bright and early for my 10:15 a.m. flight (a.k.a. at 8:45 a.m.), and speed through TSA, narrowly avoiding a grumpy security officer. Bad omen #1.

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Then, my bag gets pulled aside by a TSA officer. “You got chocolate in here?” he asks as he holds up a bag that does, in fact, contain chocolate bars and is also probably 50 pounds since I’m a chronic overpacker. “Yessir,” I sheepishly say, and he lets me through. Bad omen #2.

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I lug my suitcase to my gate, happy I could finally sit down. That is, until I realize that the gate number has been changed to one at the opposite end of the building. Bad omen #3.

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All is relatively fine and dandy after that, until I get a notification on my phone that the flight has been delayed for an hour. Fine. I pull out my laptop and do some work (though not before letting my entire friend group know about my traveling woes). The problem wasn’t that first notification. It was the fifty notifications that followed it.

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Flight is now departing at 11:30 a.m.

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Flight is now delayed to a 12:00 p.m. departure.

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Now delayed to 12:30 p.m.

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Now delayed to 1:00 p.m.

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By this time, there is a long line of people frantically canceling their flight. The flight attendant makes an announcement.

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“The plane coming from Boston to NYC still has not left its gate at Boston Logan Airport. We’re expected to be able to depart here at 1 p.m., but the plane will arrive at its NYC gate by 9:45 a.m.”

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I check my phone. It’s 10:30 a.m. So I guess that plane is traveling back into time.

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Now, I don’t have anything particularly scheduled for today, so I’m fine with chilling in the airport for a few hours. It's a mixture of sunk-cost fallacy and the fact that I work better with other people around me. But just in case, I approach the flight attendant manning the front desk.

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“Hey, is it possible to rebook my flight?”

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“I’m not sure.”

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“What about canceling it? Will that incur fees?”

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“I’m not sure.”

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“Has the plane even left Boston yet?”

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“I’m not sure.”

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So much uncertainty in this world. Not enough answers.

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I wander back to my seat and realize that the people sitting around me an hour ago have been replaced by new faces. So either I’ve just got unparalleled persistence to getting on this plane, or too much free time on my hands. I also want to note: I do not need to be on this flight. I booked a flight a week earlier than the first day of classes purely for the vibes. So I acknowledge that the only person I have to blame is myself and my past self’s foolish, foolish desire to return to campus a week early.

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Unfortunately, I’ve been stuck at home all of winter break, jealously watching as people on Instagram travel to different continents. Therefore, I’m desperate to engage with the outside world. The universe has delivered that exact wish to me at this moment.

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The conclusion to this saga is that my flight is finally on its way over from Boston, and I’m projected to depart at 2:30 p.m., hopefully ending my wait in this gray carpeted gate waiting area.

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Yes, I hate the snow right now. I’ve been waiting for my flight since 9 a.m., and it’s currently past 1 p.m. Yet, what better time to experience my first flight delay and deliver this article to our beautiful Flyby readers?

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Update: We ended up taking off at 5 p.m., making the whole experience a seven hour delay for a mere 36 minute flight…

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Eve’s Addendum [January 21, 2024]: Reader, believe me when I say that when I first read Rachel’s wonderful article, I had no idea it would be an omen for me. But lo and behold, three days later, here I sit, stranded in the Chicago Midway (not even O’Hare!!!!!!) Airport waiting for a continuously delayed flight to Boston to return me from my little Radcliffe Choral Society tour of the South. And whose fault is that? The snow. The cold, wet, devious, downright malicious Boston snow. Take this as a lesson: merely THINKING about the possibility of snow can ruin your travel plans. Be careful: THIS COULD BE YOU.

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{shortcode-0d8319ba216e0b4621b515fc9c3beb6393439ef8} After the remarkable chaos that was fall semester, we flocked home with a new sense of perspective, knowledge, and perhaps more prominently, trauma. Like any good Harvard student (as if we had any choice), we took our thoughts to the one, the only, Q Guide. Later, while trying to enjoy the final moments of our winter break, Sidechat broke loose as word had spread that the long awaited Q Guide comments were released for this past semester — and I, for one, was thoroughly amused.

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Beyond the insight and trauma dumps that the Q Guide offers, it also provides the beauty of anonymity, meaning all comments are as honest as it can get. Here are some of the wildest, unhinged, untamed, unfiltered comments from none other than your own peers who survived these classes. Who knows — that random person you routinely pass in the Yard could be the very victim author of these comments!

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“Get help before you get sad” - LS1B

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This one hits a little too close to home. As a potential bio concentrator myself (it’s not looking too hot right now), I learned this lesson far too late in the semester. I cannot fathom how sad the pre-med breed has felt before getting help, or if they ever even got help. This is your sign!

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“You will be maiden-less. If you have a significant other they will be complaining about all the time they are spending away from you and then break up with you. And then you will be maiden-less as well.” - CS124

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Being maiden-less is perhaps the scariest threat in this age. But then again, maybe it’s just the life of a CS concentrator.

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“Switch to econ” - LS1A

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This is every STEM major after every midterm. In the semester of STEM classes I’ve taken so far, I can say that I’ve contemplated becoming an Econ concentrator more often than I have contemplated spending more money at CVS, a.k.a. far too many times. I did not choose the sell-out life, the sell-out life chose me!

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“To get the most out of this class, commit to the “Cult50”; i.e., going to CS50 Lunches, CS50 Hackathon, CS50 study breaks with friends, and making memes of Professor Malan in the cold darkness of your dorm room.” - CS50

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In my small public high school, David Malan was a celebrity. We followed along with his online CS50 course during AP Computer Science Principles and ate up the theatrical productions of it all. CS50 has garnered quite a reputation, I’d say even a cult following, and this seems to be true — even if the cult spends most of their time in the “cold darkness of your dorm room” which is not depressing at all.

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“if you take it with friends, it’s honestly a crack up and you will learn to love it but the first half is pain and suffering. then they trick you into love with the bbq at the end. honestly i loved this course. but i also hated it and it made me cry. but i’d do it again” - ASTRON2

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What a ride! Celestial Navigation definitely received some chatter this past semester, and after reading this, I understand why. To take, or not to take this class, that is the question. Genuinely. I can’t tell if this class is being recommended or not but then again, they give you barbecue…

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“This course being taught at Harvard is an embarrassment to John Harvard himself, who is probably rolling over in his grave over how terribly-taught this course is.” - STAT104

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In a battle between this comment roasting Stat104 or Stat104 doing John Harvard dirty, I truly would not be able to choose a winner. Let Mr. Harvard rest in peace!

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“Taking this course is like hooking up with someone who’s bad at sex” - LS1B

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Is any elaboration needed?

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So, as we venture bravely into this upcoming Spring semester and scramble to uproot our schedules too many times before the Add/Drop deadline (January 29!), I hope you have gathered some inspiration from these comments. And I truly hope that none of your classes leave you maiden-less.

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{shortcode-3d692f88161033524414da514e9f1d40b3c13465} If you don’t know by now that Flyby is always, ALWAYS listening… we don’t really know what to tell you. This FDOC (First Day of Class, if you live under a rock) was notable for the complete and total dejection present in the student body, but hopefully these quotes will at least make you feel less alone. Here are the best, most bonkers things we heard this snowy Monday.

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“Wow, this guy is really loud.” – a professor, on the professor next door.

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“You just sit here, and you get smarter just because of the people around you.” – an overly optimistic middle-aged man in Tatte.

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(In response to sounds of talking next door) “Who’s throwing a party next door? And why weren’t we invited? And is there food…?” – a presumably hungry professor.

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“Hi!!!!” – high-pitched, from a girl to her friend in the street.

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“Hi!!!!” – a man passing by, in the same high-pitched voice.

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“Blah blah blah, everything should be your own, cite your sources.” – a professor.

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“Oh yeah, you BETTER cite your sources.” – a student who has read the news.

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“I’ll admit, I didn’t know this myself. I had to ask ChatGPT.” – a course preceptor who apparently has not read the news.

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“So, usually when professors go on sabbatical, they’re doing research or working with other professors, but uh, he’s just on a boat this year. You can track him with this link!” – a sadly landlocked substitute professor.

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“I’m saying, everyone’s resolution was to save money by eating Berg food.” – someone standing in the longest Berg line since September.

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And finally, in Widener, taking FDOC pictures:

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“But I don’t have class until Wednesday.” – someone with a true galaxy brain.

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“B*tch.” – someone who needs to take more classes so they can grow their brain to the same galactic size.

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\r\nIf you also overheard any of these, you’re basically a Flyby Blog writer now… so why not comp Flyby this Spring?

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{shortcode-f47392cf085e58f9f145f35c7fa1b3ed961cfadd} As Harvard students return to humanity after hibernating for the last month, the spring semester could unfold in many directions. Whether you want to be an academic weapon or an actual loose cannon, Flyby has some tips for you on how to become the most chaotic version of yourself this semester.

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Google Calendar Chaos

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Depending on your lifestyle, this semester could go one of two ways: scheduling everything or scheduling nothing.

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As someone who meticulously curated the perfect g-cal color palette last semester, I can tell you: if you’re aiming to become the most productive version of yourself this semester, block out time for everything. Schedule time to study, socialize, fold laundry — you name it.

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Does my calendar make people gasp every time I open it in public? Sure. But I also struck the impossible balance between staying on top of my work, having a social life, and getting a decent amount of sleep.

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Haters are gonna hate, but this method works. You’ll never find yourself scrambling to finish a p-set again.

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Alternately, if you want to mellow yourself out this semester, only schedule classes and meetings on your g-cal — never anything else. If you can’t see the little colorful square, the commitment doesn’t exist.

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With all of the time in the world on your g-cal, you can live in stress-free bliss. Time is a construct anyway: getting to class on time is a myth.

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Breakfast Chaos

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You may be asking: how could a run-of-the-mill breakfast be chaotic? I’m a strong believer that your approach to your first meal of the day reveals more than your zodiac sign ever could.

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This semester, you can be the trooper who treks to Annenberg or Quincy House every morning at 8 a.m. to make yourself the most glorious buffet of HUDS offerings possible. I’m talking danishes, first picks at the fresh fruit, and sufficient time to actually enjoy your breakfast. If you want to be the most put together person that everyone in your friend group aspires to be, do this. Consistency is key to make this impressive.

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On the other hand, you could be the person who buys a box of breakfast bars or yogurts and constantly runs to your 9 a.m. with a granola bar and coffee in hand. Did you wake up late, do you just want to be the first one to class, or are you an early riser who has already had an entire morning? The world will never know, and now you seem mysterious to your new classmates. This option is time-efficient and gives you an enigmatic persona. You will be everyone’s section crush.

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“Let’s grab a meal sometime!”

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Hear me out before you laugh at me. This phrase is pretty inescapable and self-explanatory, but you can use it in one of two ways.

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You could make an effort to actually follow up and sit down for lunch or dinner with different friends, new classmates, maybe even a Classroom-to-Table with a professor at least three times a week. The key to this is offering it proactively and always listening to understand rather than to reply. Be chaotic, and turn into a meal extrovert. Everyone will wonder, “How do they know EVERYONE?!” Lunch, that’s how.

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The flip side of this is becoming the person who is all talk, offering to “grab a meal” but never meaning it. Who are you? Oh, nobody knows. But you ostensibly have a full schedule, which by Harvard logic means you are very cool.

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By following these short steps, you can transform into a more chaotic version of yourself for the spring semester and beyond, keeping yourself and the rest of campus on their toes…

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Hello our flovely readers,

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Are we perhaps using this piece as our unofficial official closeout to Flyby Blog’s readership? Maybe… But who’s going to stop us? (Potentially the managing editor, BLK, but he’s been a real one all year so if you’re reading this, he has once again pulled through and made Flyby Blog proud.)

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Wow.

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It’s crazy to think that we’ve survived spent a year in chairship — and what a year it’s been. As a blog, our content has grown so much. But more importantly, our community has also grown larger and closer together, and there’s nothing else in the world we would trade our flyfam for — and yes, that includes not even all the Trader Joe’s snacks for all of eternity.

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We both feel extremely fortunate and lucky to have led as Blog Chairs this year, and we couldn’t have done it without our infinitely talented and amazing board members, editors, and writers. Without all your hard work, how else would Flyby be a finalist for ACP - 2023 Multimedia Story of the Year: Blog? Give yourself all a round of applause and take a bow; there’s so much flove to go around.

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As we look forward into 2024, we’re so excited to see what the next year has in store. Asides from our hope for Harvard’s resolutions for the new year, we’re also manifesting a lot for the future of Flyby.

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Firstly, we’re so thrilled to hand off the torch to the next Blog Chairs, ESJ and HRO, as well as to the rest of the incoming Blog masthead. Especially over the past year, we have seen you all improve so much as both writers and editors, and you have all brought so much character to this blog. We couldn’t be more confident in all of you to continue Flyby’s legacy and its reputation of chaos and fun.

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Secondly, as our incoming managing editor MJH says best — Flyby Blog is public service journalism at its finest. Just this year, we’ve published a few essential how-to guides. We wrote a few odes, interviewed our classmates and even a founder of our new local coffee shop. In 2024, we’ll be back bigger than ever, ready to combat all the hard-hitting journalism that is expected of us. Should we rank the sidewalks of Harvard’s campus? Need us to try the new Van Leeuwen Ice Cream shop coming to the Square? Have a question for our Dear Flyby advice column? We’re here for you.

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Thirdly, we’re just hoping for ~good vibes~ for this next year — for Flyby, for The Crimson, for everyone. Whatever happens, we trust it’ll be amazing. And we’ll be watching proudly (and well-rested) from lovely dinoland.

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We could go on and on about what we’re hoping for 2024, so we won’t — at least not for this piece. But before we end, we want to send one last shout-out to show our appreciation for the people that make this all possible: you. Our readers, every single last one, all 14,426 subscribers of Harvard Today — from our fellow writers to our classmates’ grandparents to prospective students to my mentor studying abroad in Oxford. You guys are the reason why Flyby Blog was able to grow from a side hobby in 2008 to the fully-fledged board of the Harvard Crimson that we are today. For that, thank you, and we hope that you’ll keep reading us in 2024 — and beyond.

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Flove (always),

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TC & HR (the duo known as HT)

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{shortcode-93a85bd9f6644f4bd243295fe7a1e24ec0c5ce87}If there’s one thing I’ve taken out of 2023, it’s my new coping mechanism: making a playlist for every major or minor inconvenience in my life. To that end though, let’s wrap up the year with a banger or two. Here’s Flyby’s playlist that manifests good vibes only for the new year, though we welcome new surprises too ;).

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{shortcode-36cac807629f4b764553576dc2408e9c6218fda1}As the semester winds down and we reflect on the past few months, we also have new hopes and aspirations for the upcoming semester. Good grades, clear skin, mental stability — the basic things every college student desires. But there’s so much more that the semester can offer us, and we’re going to manifest every single one of them true.

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YARD FEST: The bread and butter pickles and like, any artist at this point?

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If you haven’t had the pleasure of consuming the bread and butter pickles they serve at Yard Fest every year, we manifest that you will get a taste next semester. Yes, this is important enough to warrant an entire section dedicated to it. The tartness and sweetness combined with its perfect crunch makes for an earthshattering experience. As for the artist, we would be grateful for anyone who would be willing.

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A section crush

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Raise your hand if you have a love life. Notice how you’re not raising your hand? Yeah, you and us both. But that’s all going to change next semester when the section crush of your dreams walks into your conveniently timed section. Do they play a sport? Do they have the voice of an angel? Are they a section kid? (Probably not.) No matter what you’re looking for, we are manifesting that we will all finally have a reason to go to section.

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Free laundry

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What comes to mind when we say “free laundry”? Not Harvard. But with our manifestation powers, we’re going to finally make it happen. We will no longer be held back by Crimson Cash. We will be free… just like our laundry.

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T rides

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Speaking of things that should be free, why stop at just laundry? We’re also manifesting for subsidized T rides. Maybe then we’ll be able to expand our dating pool, remember what happiness feels like burst the Harvard bubble and start to explore everything Boston has to offer (or at least someplace other than the Square).

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No Friday Sections

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No explanation needed. We think we’re all manifesting for no Friday sections.

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‘Curious George’ merch store to come back

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Legend has it, there was a “Curious George” merch store in the Square. Though it is no longer with us, we feel its ghost haunt us every time we walk past another [redacted] merch store. “Curious George” merch store, you were ahead of your time. We are finally ready for you, so please come back. We’re manifesting for your return.

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Brain break over the weekend

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Personally, our brains need a break every day of the week. We will take bagels and cream cheese or even off-brand cereal if it means we have an excuse to stop catching up on work for 10 minutes. Though, of course, we’re manifesting for something a little bit more extravagant (Charcuterie anyone?).

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To be honest, there are so many more things we could manifest. Manifestation is a team effort. So, we are counting on you to look out for 11:11’s, get your manifestation journals ready, and most importantly, stay delusional.

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