Around the Ivies
I write today as a humbled man. While last week’s Around the Ivies involved no real football analysis whatsoever, I called my picks simple, as the Ivy League matchups last weekend each had obvious choices in favor of the home teams. I was proved horribly, horribly, wrong, as the visiting squads each returned home victorious. Penn held off Harvard, Yale upset Princeton, and Cornell shocked Dartmouth in what would have been the largest surprise of the year had Brown not actually won a game last weekend. I return to you sporting an 0-4 record from the weekend prior, licking my wounds and my tail between my legs. Clearly, I did not follow Churchill’s advice, and I toyed with forces I did not understand. The football gods may not be kind, but they are just and fair. I, a mere mortal, have been punished for my hubris.
I will admit, I just wanted to mention this loss so that it is forever on the internet in yet another spot. However, I feel that my incoherent ramblings to start these columns are becoming more and more of a stretch, and they may take away my pen soon if I don’t relate it to Ivy League football in some fashion. While Evansville did pull off what Cornell will be trying this week in the form of an impossible upset, my musings of the Derby City came to mind in the week of Harvard’s final home game. For the last time, seniors will suit up and take the field at Harvard Stadium, the place they have called home for years. Before making the trek to that godforsaken, rundown city in Connecticut that does not deserve the admittedly great pizza it calls home in the season’s final week, Crimson seniors have one last go in Cambridge. At home. So as I sing one song for my Old Kentucky Home far away, half of the Ancient Eight’s seniors will sing one final song at their football homes. For this reason, and possibly having to do with the multiple lopsided matchups, I will be picking every single home team this week.
What’s next? Brown winning a conference game?
If these student-athletes can make some money off of their likenesses, why can’t I? Student journalists all put in time, and we work hard here at 14 Plympton Street. The building is bustling at all hours, and it is hard to see all of the intense manpower that goes unnoticed. And what do we get for all this work? Student experiences? Resume additions? Lifelong community? Yeah, sure, but I sure noticed that cash money wasn’t on that list whatsoever. Therefore, I announce that my Crimson email and my Twitter DMs listed at the bottom of this page are officially open to advertisers. Come one, come all. I’ll be able to market any product in these articles; it’s amazing that half of this stuff makes it in here anyways. I’ll slip it in just like you can easily slip into Levi’s new flex-fitting jeans! (See?) Sure, you can go after Justin Herbert to market Nike. But you also have me. My reader base includes my parents, my brothers if they have nothing to do in study hall, and maybe even more in the future. Keep an open mind.
I know what you’re all thinking: which one is more important? It’s tough to say. On one hand, both have already been back in theory. The Emperor made an audio appearance in previous trailers for the new Star Wars film, and Ivy League conference play has been going on for weeks. This week, however, offers two important caveats. In the cinematic world, Palpatine finally played a central role in the trailer, with the signature voice of Ian McDiarmid finally accompanied by what seemed to be the outline of his classic hooded figure. For many football fans, this commercial offered the most exciting event from this week’s abysmal Monday Night Football game. In the same vein (kind of), Ancient Eight football is finally completely central as well; no Ivy League team will play anymore non-conference games for the rest of the season. From this point forward, all of the games count for the conference standings and the race for the title.