Around the Ivies: One of These Schools is Not Like the Others

Cornell does not belong in the Ivy League.

Actually, let me back up for a second.

We here at The Crimson have several missions, chief among them educating and alerting our readers. But we also like to inspire.

Two years ago, one of our writers managed to do just that in writing “Columbia: The Ivy League’s Worst Athletics Program.” The scathing review of Lions sports drew 77 comments from personally offended readers and an ad hominem retaliation in The Columbia Daily Spectator.

It also led to a revival in Lions athletics. After winning one Ivy championship over two years, Columbia earned two crowns in 2012-13 and five more titles last year, tying the school record. You’re welcome, Lions.

Now Cornell needs the same kick in the butt, which is why I wrote that the Big Red does not belong in the Ancient Eight. And the facts bear it out.

Let’s start with a map of Ivy League schools. Seriously, pull one up. Now tell me which of these things is not like the others. Every school is within a three-hour drive of at least one other school, except for that one dot in western New York. You could pull up a map of New York for more detail, but Ithaca would not be on it.

Now let’s move to a timeline. Seven Ivy schools were founded in a 163-year period during the Colonial Era. Cornell opened almost 100 years later in 1865. Reflecting the change in times, it is also the only university of the eight with an English motto.

The Big Red’s argument for inclusion only gets marginally better when we move to today’s athletic fields. Cornell won six Ivy titles last year, its second fewest since 2001-02. I should add that none of those came in women’s sports. That’s not cool. And I haven’t even gotten to the Big Red’s 0-3 football team, which just lost to Yale, 51-13.

Cornell, we were cool with you when you had NFL prospect Jeff Mathews at quarterback, but now that he’s gone (and struggling to stay in the NFL), I just don’t know. The best thing about Big Red athletics at this point is probably the interactive Bear logo on its website (which, to be fair, is sweet).

I hoped recent displays of Cornell’s campus culture would provide the school with an argument to stay, but alas. Before Bill Gates visited the campus on Oct. 1, tickets sold out in mere minutes and students began scalping the free tickets to his talk for upwards of $200.

Anyone who has seen The Social Network knows that the proper response to a Gates visit is typified by one student who explains in the movie, “I showed up late; I don’t even know who the speaker was.”

Again, I don’t write all of this to be hurtful. I want to be helpful. If Columbia can turn it around, so can you.

That said, I don’t see Cornell proving its Ivy worth this weekend. Read why in this week’s predictions…

HOLY CROSS AT BROWN

This week brings another slate of nonconference action for most of the league, with this battle of equally mediocre Harvard foes being one of the most intriguing. While Brown’s (1-2, 0-1 Ivy) offense and its 11 new starters have understandably struggled, its defense has proven better than expected. The Bears have given up just over 17 points per game, and they should be able to contain a Crusaders (2-4, 0-2 Patriot) side that comes in having lost three straight.

Prediction: Brown 21, Holy Cross 13

COLUMBIA AT MONMOUTH

The Lions (0-3, 0-1) almost pulled off an all-time upset last week as they led defending champion Princeton late in the second quarter. After the game, Columbia coach Pete Mangurian explained why that was not worth celebrating.

“The problem is you don’t play halves,” he said. “You play a full game.”

He’s right, but Columbia must have misunderstood that lesson at halftime, because they clearly chose not to play in the second half of a 38-6 loss.

Prediction: Monmouth 34, Columbia 16

PRINCETON AT COLGATE

I suppose you can’t be too upset about a 38-6 win, but it will be interesting to see how the Tigers (2-1, 1-0) respond against one of the Patriot League’s better teams (3-2, 2-0 Patriot) after their slow start last week. With two weeks to play before Harvard’s trip to Princeton, the Orange and Black have looked far from daunting thus far.

Prediction: Princeton 38, Colgate 20

PENNSYLVANIA AT FORDHAM

Penn coach Al Bagnoli is making his departure a lot easier to stomach by starting the year 0-3. The Quakers (0-3, 0-1 Ivy) defense has given up over 30 points in each loss, and this week they face a Rams (5-1, 2-0 Patriot) team that has scored at least 40 in all six of its contests. It doesn’t take a Wharton grad to figure out that that does not bode well.

Prediction: Fordham 42, Penn 28

DARTMOUTH AT YALE

The only other Ivy game on the schedule this week will be one of the most enlightening of the season. These two teams pose the biggest threat to the Princeton-Harvard status quo after each dismantled Ancient Eight opponents last week. Yale (3-0, 1-0) has been particularly impressive, racking up 154 points over three weeks. Look for its offense to continue producing against a tough Big Green D (2-1, 1-0). A Bulldog win would set them up nicely before hosting Princeton in week nine and then traveling for The Game.

Prediction: Yale 34, Dartmouth 24

CORNELL AT HARVARD

Returning to The Stadium, the Crimson (3-0, 1-0 Ivy) will continue its procession toward its week five trip to Princeton. Even without senior quarterback Conner Hempel and junior running back Paul Stanton, Harvard will have enough firepower behind its stout offensive line to put Cornell (0-3, 0-1 Ivy) to bed early.

Prediction: Harvard 37, Cornell 13

—Staff writer Jacob D.H. Feldman can be reached at jacob.feldman@thecrimson.com.