Recap: "Married." Finally.

What a great way to end our 3-day weekend. Last night's episode of Gossip Girl had us gagging at all the cliché lines and reeling with all the plot developments. Let's see. Two break-ups, two weddings, two Orlando Bloom references, it's just too much too handle. Without further ado, our usual storyline ratings after the jump. Spoilers abound. Sorry, there really isn't a way to do this without spoilers.

The Lily and Rufus need to shut up and getting married already storyline.

PowerPlay: Lily wears the pants in the relationship. +3

Is friends with Mayor Bloomberg. +5

LilyFail: Lily has writer's block. -3

Is [probably] no longer friends with Mayor Bloomberg after wasting his time by running away from her own wedding. -5

Fashion Points: Lily's updo at her wedding. We like. +3

Um, what's with the magenta ruffles? -3

Worst Line Ever: "Or we could just LEAP. Let's LEAP, let's get MARRIED, like SOON, TOMORROW, LEAPPPP!" -10

Runner-up: "Wufus! I'm coming with you! He's our son! We're doing this together!" -5

Overall: -15

The Vanessa is a pawn storyline.

Tragic Flaw: Has no spine. -20

Or brain. -50

VanessaFail: Throughout the entire episode. -20

Except when she calls Georgina crazy to her face. +2

Overall: -88

The Georgina is awesome storyline.

Power Play: Has V wrapped around her pinky. +10

Scheme to break Dan up with Hilary Duff/Olivia Burke doesn't work. -5

Also, Orlando Bloom? So passé. -5

Blurts out Scott's secret. +12

Only one to enjoy the food at the wedding reception. +2

She wasn't even invited. +5

Gets exiled to Siberia or something, courtesy of Dorota and her sketchy connections. -13

Fashion Faux Pas: Hideous 1''-thick patent leather straps on her otherwise gorgeous dress. -2

Best quip: "What does it mean when someone that used to grab your ass doesn't?" +3

Overall: 7

The Dan is dumb part two storyline.

Tragic Flaw: IMs Hilary Duff/Olivia Burke. IMs. Who does that anymore?? -3

DanFail: Thinks he one-upped Georgina with his bad, bad acting. -2

It didn't work. -10

LOLDan: "She knows ... that I know ... that Scott is ... [extra pause for added emphasis] your brother." Cue horrible acting and vapid gape. I R UR BROTHER?! -2

Overall: -17

The we sort of feel bad for Carter even though we don't like him storyline.

CarterFail: Secrets are outed. All of them. -10

Dumped by Serena. -3

Looks like they're going to get back together. SAD. +3

Overall: -10

The boring Nate is a boring loser storyline.

Tragic Flaw: Has no thoughts. -infinity

Power Play: Sits there and pouts while Blair insults his idiot stick figure with no soul of a girlfriend. -2

Gets used by idiot stick figure with no soul. -5

Finally rids himself of idiot stick figure with no soul. +5

Mopes about being dateless at the wedding. -3

Is pretty. +1

Overall: -infinity

The Jenny lost her storyline again storyline.

Tragic Flaw: No one cares about her. -10

Fashion Faux Pas: Really stringy, patently fake hair extensions. Yeah, your mullet wasn't really working for you, but neither are these mullet add-ons. -3

Could those "boho" outfits be any more unflattering?? -5 x 2

Worst line: "Um, my family is in investment banking, so they're all broke." Too soon? -4

Overall: -27

The Scott is still creepy storyline.

Tragic Flaw: Scott is still creepy. -13

Overall: -13