What To Do With Datamatch
On Tuesday, students across campus received their true (algorithmic) soulmates via Datamatch. The question is, after you've changed your profile pictures to something more flattering and successfully stalked your matches, what do you do? Don't fret—we've come up with a few suggestions to help you make the most of your romance.
1. Be "The Bachelor"
Invite all of your matches to a dinner and make them vie for your affection, Bachelor(ette) style. Better yet, have them fight to the death—that way you won’t have to deal with awkward interactions with the ones that you don't choose.
2. Create a Doodle poll
If you don't want to choose just one, and you don't want to have to deal with the pressure of keeping them all secret from one another, create a Doodle poll. Now all of your matches can schedule a convenient time to visit with you separately! Possible location: your room.
3. Marry them
All of them.
4. Future Baby
Morph pictures of your face with the faces of each of your matches and then choose the one that looks the best with your face. It's never too early to guarantee that your future babies will be good looking.
5. Sexy Blood Drive
If, for some reason, thinking about marriage and children on your first date is too overwhelming (but why would it be?) then do the next logical thing: take all of your matches on a "Sexy Blood Drive Date." While they are giving blood, you will have time to bombard them with questions and find out how compatible you two truly are—most importantly, whether or not they could give you a blood transfusion. Plus, even if no one is your type, at least you saved a life.
6. Stalk Them
Why not go about love the old-fashioned non-algorithmic way…via stalking? It's easy, it's cheap, and you don't even need to be Facebook friends to get started. Just casually hang outside your match's room or dining hall for a casual couple of hours (or weeks) and eventually you will find the perfect opportunity to introduce yourself—casually, of course. As long as you keep bringing up the fact that the whole incident is casual, it definitely doesn't qualify as stalking.
Feeling more prepared? You can thank us later. First, quickly email/call/follow your match into a dark alley before they change their relationship status to "In a Relationship" and you loose your chance for true love forever! Or at least until next year's Datamatch rolls around.