Welcome to “Listen Up,” Flyby’s bi-weekly advice column written by two uniquely unqualified, naive, decidedly uninteresting sophomores from the back table in Adams Dining Hall. We’ve been flooded by submissions since we re-launched this column. Over the course of nine days, we’ve received more than 30 submissions (thanks, Mom!) The number of Harvard students that do not seem to know how to submit advice questions has also been somewhat disconcerting. “Steven’s scout op nerf,” is not a valid question, nor is a 424-word letter asking Dev for a casual meet-up (his answer is still yes.)
We rounded up some actual questions and provided thoughtful answers below. Prepare to be inspired.
(Also don’t forget to submit your questions here to be included in the next installment of Listen Up! Come on, we know you have problems. Here’s your chance to whine.)
Note: These are all actual questions we have received through our submission form. Yes, people actually wrote them. We were surprised too. If you submitted a question and do not see a response below, have no fear, we will do our best to address your concerns about spaghetti with self-awareness, your crush on Steven S. Lee*, and your flirting problems with Brazilian girls as soon as we can (again, people actually wrote questions on those topics.)
*Steven would love to get coffee with whomever submitted that question. HMU, please.
Dev, will you bear my offspring?
Something about the science is still out on male birthing. In other words, no. (Unless Tom Brady submitted this question, in which case, yes, our bond will make science work.)
How do I ask out the cute kid from section having barely ever spoken to him since the beginning of the year?
This is exactly the type of question we expect to see in this column. After all, a previously conducted survey shows that five out of the five students who read this column do so primarily for advice about their love lives (and yes, there are more than five people who read it.)
Your situation is both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because, hey you’re in a class with your crush! Think about it, one March 11th night as you and your crush rely on each other to stay awake studying for that midterm in the most romantic of study locations (the Larsen Room in Lamont, duh), the sparks will fly and you’ll be thanking us all the way to your honeymoon. A curse because, no one ends up liking anyone in section. Either you participate too much and look like a know-it-all or you participate too little and look like a dunce.
So what should you do? Here’s our step-by-step guide to getting a 10 out of 10 for your graded assignment and for your love life.
Never actively participate in class, but always make it a point to chime in positively after your love interest has voice his or her opinion on the topic. A common opening phrase to use is “going off of what [insert name of ‘kid’] said…” But feel free to experiment with other transition phrases like “Kid brings up a really good point…” and “What my soon-to-be lover said is the right way to think about this emerging debate among scholars…”
Can’t muster the courage to regurgitate something that was just said by the previous speaker? Have no fear. Throwing a casual wink in the direction of your crush every time they participate is a surefire way to get attention. When the TF hands back assignments, grab your crush’s hand as they reach for their paper with a little ‘oops, excuse me.’ If you’re feeling adventurous, ‘accidentally’ grab your crush’s graded assignment as you rush out the door. Email them later about the ‘mixup’: “Hey, I accidentally took your assignment instead of mine. Meet me at Crema at 6 to exchange? And if 6 doesn’t work for you, how about 11 in my bedroom :)?”
Why is a convergent sequence also bounded?