The stars have provided a different brand of inspiration this month. I’m here to report what summer job you should have based on your sign. If the opportunity you’ve found doesn’t match what I’ve reported here, you might want to check your birth certificate and make sure you didn’t misremember your birthday. This is a foolproof science.
TAURUS: See you on Wall Street, Taurus. Enjoy your internship with JP.
GEMINI: You may not have a job yet, but good things are coming your way. Just stay optimistic and keep scheduling interviews. Everything is going to work out.
CANCER: Whatever you’ll be doing, Cancer, I’m glad to report that it’s something you care about. Congrats on evading stereotypes and finding fulfillment in your career.
LEO: Working for a nonprofit? That’s awesome! Please just don't put it in your Tinder bio.
VIRGO: Backpacking across Europe is most definitely not a job, but have fun anyway. You’re going to have the best stories come September.
LIBRA: Libra, how are you so chill about still not even knowing where you’re going to live this summer? Yolo-ing summer plans is definitely fun, but you’re cutting it close.
SCORPIO: You may be another Harvard stereotype, but at least you’re not going into consulting. Congratulations on the dope CS internship.
SAGITTARIUS: Where do you even find such a bizarre, off-the-wall internship like that? You’re definitely the most successful Crimson Careers user on this campus.
CAPRICORN: Glad to hear your startup is taking off, Capricorn. Being your own boss for the summer is going to be tons of fun.
AQUARIUS: Taking the summer off to focus on yourself definitely counts as a job, and you’re probably going to be the most successful in the long term.
PISCES: Got hired for someone else’s startup? Zoinks. At least you’re going to get wild stories out of this experience.
ARIES: A job that pays well and doesn’t want to steal your soul? Good luck finding that.