University Health Services
If you're staring this view down, it's already too late...
Midterms, freezing temperatures, cuffing season… oh my! Welcome to the causes of college sickness, where few are spared and even fewer are prepared. We all have that one friend that claims he or she never, like never, gets sick. A week ago, I was that friend. Unfortunately, college sickness took this personally, so take it from me and my burning throat: avoid the plague at all costs.

Tip 1: Never Leave Your Room. Ever.

We’re serious. How many people have touched the table at your favorite spot in Lamont? Or the door handle of Annenberg? Yeah, it’s better not to think about it. You never know when or where you’re gonna encounter these illnesses, so your best bet is to stay in your room forever. Your classes are filmed and you have a case of ramen in the common room — use your resources wisely.

Tip 2: Do the Things That, um, Keep You Alive

You don’t have to be premed to understand how sickness occurs (thank god). Wash your hands often with soap and water, avoid touching your face, and hydrate as often as possible. Don’t listen to your favorite elementary school teacher: sharing is not caring. Sharing is just a recipe for a stuffy nose and the worst fatigue you’ve had since last year’s reading period. Sorry, Mrs. Lacey, it’s just not worth it.

Tip 3: Make It a Competition

Harvard likes to be the best at everything, and sickness is no exception. This place finds a way to breed any and all illnesses, even the ones we thought did not exist anymore. Why not turn that competition around? Are you the ~healthiest~ among your friends? The last person to get sick? The best germaphobe around? Congrats, you’ve won good health, which is synonymous with winning the lottery in our books.

Tip 4: Law of Attraction

Maybe, if we just focus on the idea of not getting sick, we won’t get sick. Dream it, believe it. Problem solved.

If only I had listened to my own advice, maybe I wouldn’t be writing this under a pile of tissues in bed. Spread the word (not in person, of course, because germs!) and end this plague once and for all.