How to Lose a Harvard Man in 10 Days
Harvard men are…something. Need to get out of that situationship (because relationships are practically non-existent here) ASAP? Flyby’s got you covered. Follow these steps to lose a Harvard man in 10 days.
1. Tell him you don’t like his start-up idea.
Even better: if he’s an Econ man, ask, “Why can’t we just print more money?”
2. Or… that you’ve already secured a summer analyst position at Goldman.
He won’t be able to hide his anger.
3. Do not acknowledge his brand new Canada Goose.
Canada Goose? Never heard of her. You can also try, “That’s a cute new coat, where’s it from?” He’ll love that. It’s not like his parents he dropped $900 on it or anything.
4. Respond with “sorry, my Gcal is too full!” when he tries to make plans.
Tell him that he’ll have to schedule time with you with at least five business days’ notice.
5. Explain that being in a final club is not, in fact, a personality trait.
No Chad, your future employer will not hire you based on how quickly you can shotgun a cheap beer.
6. Deny his LinkedIn connection request.
Harvard’s hookup to LinkedIn connection request pipeline is real.
7. Break the news that despite what he thinks, he’s probably not the next JFK.
Too many men on this campus are already planning their senatorial campaigns. Call. Him. Out.
8. Live in the Quad.
No explanation necessary.
9. Be smarter than him.
Bonus points if you correct an answer on his p-set. Someone who can make him realize he is, in fact, not the smartest person in the room? *gasp*
10. Develop feelings.
This one will send him running! Harvard men + fear of commitment = golden couple.
These tactics will scare away your situationship for good.