Sponsored by ARLee Consulting: A boutique admissions consulting firm offering 1on1 coaching customized to help applicants GET ACCEPTED to their dream schools. Its Founder and Managing Director, Alex Ruiz Lee, an INSEAD MBA graduate, uses his experience as former HR Head at Samsung Electronics and Admissions Interviewer for INSEAD to guide you toward acceptance.

INSEAD ESSAY

Give a candid description of yourself (who are you as a person), stressing the personal characteristics you feel to be your strengths and weaknesses and the main factors which have influenced your personal development, giving examples when necessary (500 words).

Three months ago, when I was looking for bridesmaids for my wedding, I reconnected with a friend. She told me: “You’re my role model. When I met you, I told myself to become a woman like you: strong-willed and open-minded”. But I was not always this way.

I was born as an ethnic minority in a mountainous rural area of Southwest China, where poverty prevailed, and educational opportunities were rare for girls. As a kid, I asked my mom whether boys were smarter because teachers said so. But she, a college educated woman, told me they are not. She took me to Beijing for a short trip, encouraging me to cross those mountains that surrounded us. This inspired me to grow from a girl who led other girls to play wildly in playgrounds, to a woman capable of leading a global team to overcome the most challenging projects. In university, I was bullied because I could not speak English; at work, people questioned my ability to lead big projects because I am not a German male. It has been joyful to surmount these obstacles. I have even passed determination to others as when I coached another female peer to become a successful project leader or when I guided a team of inexperienced members to collaborate effectively.

I only started to work with Western coworkers when I was 25, and set my feet outside of China for the first time in 2013. Since then, numerous international trips to various countries grew my curiosity for different cultures. A strong affinity opened my heart to express respect and care for people from different backgrounds and to bridge us with universal values. As a result, not only am I currently enjoying life in a country as different to China as Germany, but I am married to a French, and I combine professional career in Germany with continuous trips to France. These experiences shaped me to feel naturally comfortable in international settings and built up my ability to alleviate cultural conflicts.

Thomas - the best boss I have ever met – gave me complete autonomy to leverage my problem-solving skills in order to discover issues and search for solutions. I, therefore, created processes to close gaps in change management after I observed changes were not tracked systematically. I organised resources to modify designs inherited from past products in Germany when I saw they no longer fulfilled new requirements.

As a female leader, I am always proving myself to be as capable as men. Therefore, I tend to carry others’ workload all by myself without asking for help when needed, which puts unnecessary pressure on myself. I am just concerned that I will be judged as a woman who cannot honour commitments. My husband is helping me to discover that it is okay to properly show my struggles and seek support. INSEAD Gender Initiatives will bring me to an international community of female leaders who have experiences to share on how to position ourselves in men-dominated industries.

___

REVIEW

Probably the most important essay in INSEAD’s application, this is not a straightforward strengths and weaknesses essay since INSEAD also wants applicants to describe themselves as a person and highlight the factors that influenced their development.

Caroline was very concerned about her profile. By the time she applied, she was about to turn 35 whereas the age range of INSEAD’s class is 26 to 32. Her GMAT score was on par with INSEAD’s average (710), which as a Chinese applicant would be considered on the lower side. She also believed her international exposure was somewhat limited compared to a “typical” INSEAD student, and her industry (automotive manufacturing) was not the most attractive of industries for business schools.

Therefore, this essay was the perfect opportunity to highlight those aspects of her profile that could help offset these vulnerabilities. Thus, we decided to present herself as “An international mature female leader who has succeeded in a male-dominated industry while challenging the status quo”.

With this in mind, we decided to approach the essay with simple language and with a very positive tone and vibe, while touching upon strengths that could be connected to all four INSEAD’s admissions criteria: (1) Academic Capacity, (2) Leadership Potential, (3) International Motivation and (4) Ability to Contribute.

Caroline begins the essay with a novelist style paragraph. She puts us in a recent situation where she is conversing with a friend who shares with us right away two of Caroline's strengths (“strong-willed and open-minded”). She closes the paragraph with a sentence (“But I was not always this way”) that makes us wonder about her personal story and want to keep reading.

She then walks us through her childhood, and we understand that she does not come from an affluent background. She touches upon her mother influencing her to overcome obstacles as a kid and later as a project leader because of the simple fact of being a woman. In this paragraph, we understand she is connecting her strengths to two of the admissions criteria: Leadership Potential and Ability to Contribute.

Then she moves on to a paragraph that highlights her international experiences to date and how these have made her be more adaptable in international settings, and curious, respectful and caring for other cultures. Her reference to being married to a French man is a clear indication of this, and it is very easy to derive from this that she definitely meets the International Motivation criterion.

She uses the next paragraph to emphasize her problem-solving skills and her ability to think outside the box. Both strengths are connected to the Academic Capacity criterion. She also briefly mentions that Thomas is the best boss she’s ever had and gave her a great degree of autonomy. This indicates that Thomas had a great influence in her development, and it also shows that she is an appreciative and grateful person, which could also be linked to the Ability to Contribute criterion.

She concludes with one weakness. While she has chosen a cliché, I like her choice because this weakness doesn’t go against any of the admissions criteria nor against her career goals. Furthermore, she has approached it from the female angle, which makes it less of a cliché.

In short, she has been able to capture the reader’s attention from the very beginning and has connected all her strengths to INSEAD’s four admissions criteria in a very clear and straightforward way, while keeping a very positive tone and vibe throughout the entire essay.

Disclaimer: With exception of the removal of identifying details, essays are reproduced as originally submitted in applications; any errors in submissions are maintained to preserve the integrity of the piece.

Sponsored by Admissions Gateway: Admissions Gateway has helped 800+ candidates, worldwide, achieve their dreams of gaining admission to the top MBA programs. We specialize in applying to the top-15 programs. Our candidates have a 97%+ success rate with scholarship awards of up to $150,000. Our founder is the #1 rated consultant on Poetsandquants.

ESSAY

Our life experiences shape our skills, perspective and help define our paths. Reflecting on my personal and professional journey, I would like to share three lessons which have strongly shaped my journey and outlook.

My first lesson is about people. I feel fortunate to have understood the enormous potential in empathizing and collaborating with individuals to achieve community success, organizational targets and personal goals.

Perhaps due to my father’s frequent job transfers, I grew-up as a reticent, lone worker, shying away from forging long-lasting relationships. While excelling academically, I skipped participating in anything at school that required dependence on other people. It was only at my undergraduate institution, [University] that I really started building relationships with my hostel-mates and exploring the various opportunities [University] offered.

However, soon dark realities came to the forefront when a final-year student committed suicide while my close friend, [Name], got sucked into a vortex of depression due to his poor academic performance. Deeply shaken, I resolved to address mental-health issues on campus and joined the Institute Counseling Service, comprising student volunteers, faculty and professional counselors who sought to provide emotional and academic help to students.

Driven to make a difference, I led 240 student volunteers, strengthened our mentorship program to identify students in need of professional help and organized Orientation Programs. To dispel the stigma associated with mental-health and build trust, we increased the approachability of counsellors by initiating hostel visits and collaborated with NGOs to use theatre and generate awareness. I personally mentored students and it was heartwarming to create an environment in which people were able to discuss their personal issues freely with me. While I gained friends for life, I realized there is no greater happiness than witnessing one’s mentee overcome difficulties and be successful! Listening to varied personal experiences inculcated empathy and fostered ability to forge strong interpersonal connections.

This experience stayed with me during my professional journey with [Consumer Goods Company]. Just out of college, I had to navigate union strikes, reconcile socio-political contexts and motivate 600+ unskilled workers, several years my senior to transform the quality performance of an $800M factory in a small town. Leveraging interpersonal skills, I understood employee concerns and created an experiential training program. Listening to them, educating them, sharing success and owning failures together, I immersed myself in the workforce environment, instilling a culture of innovation and change. Our efforts reaped dividends as we eliminated all consumer complaints and achieved the best-ever performance in quality metrics, securing [Consumer Goods Company] market-share and launching 24 premium product variants. Thus, I learnt to drive organizational change by harnessing people’s potential.

My second life lesson is about values. I feel long-term success can only be achieved if one has the character to stand by one’s principles during testing times.

At age-5, I recall accompanying my mother to court hearings to witness a long-drawn trial involving my father. Overtime, I understood how my father had been slapped with a fake harassment case because he refused to accept a bribe for professional favors. Standing by his principles, he was later acquitted emerging as my inspiration and teaching me values of honesty and integrity.

After 17 years, these values were tested. Early-on in my role as Quality Manager of [Consumer Goods Company] plant, consumer complaints for a particular defect inflicted 10% market-share losses in [Big City]. On probing, I realized that we had overlooked an important data trend during manufacturing that could have averted the disaster. While corporate auditors were preparing a report attributing the occurrence of defect to chance, I presented the true picture, taking full responsibility. It was a difficult decision as our factory had already lost credibility prior to my joining. Our General Manager intervened to manage the crisis and while recognizing my ethics and courage, placed faith on my ability to redeem myself.

Motivated to prove myself, I worked incessantly with my team, ensuring that I drive systemic changes and build a culture of continuous improvement. Within one-year, we achieved benchmark performances, restoring faith in the unit/team. During our annual performance review, our unit was appreciated for data-integrity, reinforcing my belief in my value system.

The third lesson is about impact. I believe true success is achieved when people are guided by a desire to create sustainable impact and make a positive difference in society.

During a factory-visit, I engaged with our CEO, and advocated driving growth by monetizing [Consumer Goods Company] distribution network to service regional firms/startups. Intrigued, he inducted me into his office in the Trade Marketing and Distribution function in a strategic role, a move unheard for any non-MBA engineer. Initially, I engaged with product entrepreneurs to offer them [Consumer Goods Company] distribution for scaling-up. One case was [Company], a [City]-based startup that innovated on cost-effective sanitary napkins. We are helping them reach 60M consumers in [Country], a country where 75% women resort to unhygienic alternatives. Curious to understand their success, I engaged with the founder, [Name]. I realized [Name] was driven by a desire to positively impact the lives of rural women and this motivated him to innovate continuously.

Reflecting on this conversation, I identified how [Consumer Products Company] could play a larger role in adding to consumer-value and go beyond giving distribution access to CPG startups. If tech leaders such as Google, Microsoft could incubate technology startups, we needed to explore similar models in the CPG space. I formulated a strategic investor model to incubate and eventually acquire CPG startups, a first for an Indian CPG firm, and pitched it to senior leadership. They appreciated my vision of synergizing with startups, providing [Consumer Products Company] marketing expertise and product development insights to encourage product innovation, thereby creating an inorganic growth roadmap for [Consumer Products Company] vision of achieving $15B by 2030.

These lessons provide the foundation to succeed and define my professional ambitions. Going forward, I envision energizing the [Country] CPG startup ecosystem, stimulating innovation and strengthening symbiotic relationships with Corporations to deliver high social-impact products, creating sustainable value for 1.2B Indian consumers. While my experiences have created the primer, I see Harvard as the perfect catalyst to transform me into a change leader. Building on my life lessons, I can’t wait to engage with classmates who bring with them a wealth of global experiences and stories!

___

REVIEW

Analysis: In this essay, the author shares the three life lessons which have most strongly shaped his experiences and outlook. Each one brings forth a different side of his personality. The first focused on developing empathy and lasting relationships having mostly favored solo working up until his undergraduate days. The second lesson is built around personal family experiences that drove home the importance of standing up for his values: honesty and integrity. The third and final lesson drives home the author’s desire to achieve a lasting positive impact in his professional life, by fostering an internal culture of innovation, and championing start-ups in the Indian CPG industry.

Topic: The difficult part of an open-ended Harvard prompt is deciding what one wants to share. The writer shares the three life lessons which have strongly shaped his experiences and outlook. We think this is a great approach as the writer shows the admissions committee “who” he is and “what” his values and motivations are.

Each lesson brings forth a different side of his personality. The first focused on developing empathy and lasting relationships having mostly favored solo working up until his undergraduate days. The second lesson is built around personal family experiences that drove home the importance of standing up for his values: honesty and integrity. The final lesson drives home the author’s desire to achieve a lasting impact in his professional life, by fostering an internal culture of innovation, and championing start-ups in his country’s CPG industry.

Tone and readability: This essay does not have dramatic flair. Because that’s fine as flair is not everyone’s style and one should stick to his or her style! The writer comes across as someone who has reflected on his experiences and what is important to him. He also comes across as genuine and shows vulnerability as he goes along. There is a certain humility that comes of the page - someone who has accomplished a lot but is comfortable in his skin and able to share not only his achievements but also his failures.

Why this essay wins: We can see the candidate’s accomplishments in his resume and have heard from his recommenders. This essay wins because it allows us to answer the question:

“Would you want this person to be in class with you?”

“Yes!”

Disclaimer: With exception of the removal of identifying details, essays are reproduced as originally submitted in applications; any errors in submissions are maintained to preserve the integrity of the piece.

Sponsored by Ivy Groupe: Ivy Groupe is a boutique MBA admissions consulting company founded by Shaifali Aggarwal, a graduate of Harvard Business School. Shaifali’s philosophy focuses on authenticity and storytelling to help clients craft compelling and differentiated applications that stand out. With this approach, she has successfully helped hundreds of applicants gain admission to top-tier MBA programs. Shaifali has been quoted/featured in US News, Business Insider, Forbes, Entrepreneur, The Economist, and The Muse for her expertise. Read our stellar testimonials/request a free consultation!

ESSAY:

PROMPT: As we review your application, what more would you like us to know as we consider your candidacy for the Harvard Business School MBA Program? (no word limit)

This essay was provided by the experts at Admissions Gateway.

I remember my hands trembling as I clenched the scissors, and my mother’s gorgeous locks fell to the ground − I was six years old. Compelled to quit her studies after marriage, my mother resumed her masters in [course] after ten stifling years. With my father’s solitary income going into tuition for my mother, sister and me, a proper haircut was a wasteful luxury. My parents shielded us from their struggles, but the gravity of our situation hit home as I cut my mother’s hair.

When my mother finally cleared her examinations, I expected things to change. Instead, she declined lucrative offers to join public-services, catering to marginalized populations through [country’s] public healthcare system. My parents unwavering desire to lead a life of meaning, fuelled my own. Over the course of my journey, I have carved my own path to making a difference – one of spreading my ideas and impact, beyond what I could accomplish alone. I would like to share how three transformative experiences, starting over a decade ago, have progressively shaped this lifelong approach.

At 13, I was devastated to see my sister’s tiny frame shake violently as she coughed from asthma. What affected me most was learning that we had all contributed to these respiratory problems, by making [city] the most polluted city in the world.

I refused to remain a silent spectator and started an environment club, [club], at school. Digging-up compost pits and conducting tree-plantation drives, our team explored every opportunity to make our premises greener. The efforts of our small 10-member team indicated to me the potential to spur larger change by motivating all 1500 students to step-up. Our idea to achieve this, by integrating environmental-awareness within our curriculum, was dismissed by the administration for lack of resources. Undeterred, I started writing applications to garner financial support, and within months, led our team to the first place in a national competition. The $15K we won infused both resources and enthusiasm to implement our eco-friendly curriculum.

Juggling my graduation-examinations and endless hours of organizing activities for the entire school, we grew [club] five-fold. Students stepped-up to expand our efforts, from transitioning our school to using solar energy to organizing large-scale zero-waste campaigns. ‘Exponential’ was no longer just a graph I studied, I could tangibly see my impact multiplying by mobilising individuals around me.

Eager to replicate our success beyond school, I initiated environmental workshops for children from urban-slums in [city].

“Boys don’t need to save money for dowry, do they not have to conserve environmental resources either?” asked 11-year old [name]. Half-way into my first workshop, my analogy of saving money to explain the concept of conserving environmental resources, had derailed my session-plan.

Having witnessed the consequences of gender-disparity in my own childhood I started my non-profit [non-profit], during college, to promote holistic life-skills education to uproot such evils. I was happiest spending weekends in community-centres and public-classrooms, with my team of student-volunteers, conducting activity-based workshops for hundreds of children. I vividly remember when, beaming with pride, [name] told me that she had saved enough money to buy her house. She not only grasped complex concepts of banking and savings, but acknowledged herself as a financially-independent female – albeit in a game of Monopoly!

By graduation, we grew to a 20-member team and reached 1,000+ children. However, once I moved to join Investment-Banking, our student-volunteer model disintegrated and fundraising for a full-time team seemed impossible. While struggling to sustain momentum, I saw a class-teacher enthusiastically taking initiative to support our program, during a workshop. Watching her, it struck me that scaling-up [non-profit] was not the only way to further impact.

pullquote align=left text="Over the course of my journey, I have carved my own path to making a difference – one of spreading my ideas and impact, beyond what I could accomplish alone."}

Restructuring our workshops into a comprehensive curriculum, we showcased it to the state academic department. Winning their support, we trained 100 public-school teachers and principals to deliver the program. Within two years, these teachers extended our program to 10,000 children and even co-opted their colleagues. Their efforts reaffirmed my conviction that enabling change-agents at a systemic-level could accelerate impact at scale.

To steer my journey in this direction, I decided to quit my investment-banking job in [country] and return to [country]. Forgoing the financial comfort I was finally providing my family weighed on me, but I chose to follow my heart. I joined [foundation], a philanthropy focused on driving systemic change to tangibly impact India’s education landscape.

Innovative, low-cost teaching-aids developed by [company], my [foundation] portfolio-organisation, drastically improved learning for children in rural classrooms. However, their low-monetization potential generated minimal funder interest, threatening their existence. Their question, “How will we serve these children, when we can barely stay afloat?” echoed my own struggles at [non-profit].

Collaborating with the [state] government, I helped [company] reduce costs through subsidies and extend their program to 40,000 students. I was leading large-scale projects with public systems at [foundation], but I realized that empowering social-enterprises such as [company] to drive systemic change could create ripple-effects throughout the ecosystem.

Today, non-profit social-enterprises in India fail to reach their potential, owing to lack of financial and strategic support - the largest remains 1/100th the size of its global peers. So, I took on the mandate to launch an Accelerator within [non-profit], to ensure this support, even though this meant leaving my team and starting out alone. My path was uphill, given [non-profit’s] strategic shift towards working directly with governments − the initiative was peripheral for every decision, be it budget-allocations or team-building.

The eagerness of portfolio-organizations in leveraging every support opportunity kept me going. Months of co-creating monetization strategies and facilitating government meetings paid off, in one instance, enabling immense expansion for the portfolio-organization to reach 800,000 children. Such successes helped evangelize our potential and we are now raising an independent fund to support 30 entrepreneurs to help transform education for 5M children.

My ten-year-old self wouldn’t believe just how far I have come – my hands no longer shake when I take decisive actions, whose outcomes I cannot always predict. Striving to continually widen my impact has helped me progress from empowering school-students to supporting social-entrepreneurs, towards enabling an entire ecosystem of social change-makers.

Battling one constant challenge throughout, that of inadequate resources, has highlighted how social-finance could be the ‘driving-force’ towards my goal. Most importantly, I have learnt that beyond individual efforts, by spearheading thought-leadership and global alliances, I can mobilize the entire ecosystem, catalyzing robust social-investment markets in India.

My friend [name] described how assimilating diverse perspectives through the case-method at HBS helped him understand nuances of business across cultures, while the vibrant community provided access to global networks. HBS equipped him to launch and grow his company across eight emerging economies, through partnerships with local entrepreneurs. Similarly, I am convinced that the ideas, experiences and relationships built at HBS will help me realize my vision where every [club], [non-profit] and [company] can go on to create the change it aspires to.

__

REVIEW:

Provided by Ivy Groupe

What is most compelling is how through the three examples, the applicant demonstrates leadership, initiative, and impact at increasing levels throughout the essay, starting from a very young age.

The essay is engaging, right from the opening paragraph, when the applicant takes the reader directly to the scene as a six-year-old cutting her mother’s hair. The applicant provides important personal context with respect to the experiences that have shaped her perspective and values, “My parents unwavering desire to lead a life of meaning, fuelled my own.” This in turn, has influenced the applicant’s own desire to take action and “[carve her] own path to making a difference,” which is so clearly stated in the applicant’s thesis statement.

Throughout the essay, the applicant demonstrates her passion for giving back to the community as well as her impactful leadership and initiative, first in school by starting an environmental club, then by launching a non-profit in college, and finally, by creating an accelerator within the non-profit that she joined. In doing so, she shows the reader how she went about implementing change and the ensuing impact that resulted. However, these successes have not been achieved without their share of challenges and obstacles (“battling inadequate resources”), and so what the reader comes away with is the applicant’s humility and humanness. Moreover, the story-telling is very smooth as the applicant does an excellent job of transitioning from one story to another.

As the essay concludes, the applicant comes full-circle, referencing the opening anecdote, “My ten-year-old self wouldn’t believe just how far I have come – my hands no longer shake when I take decisive actions, whose outcomes I cannot always predict.” The last paragraph is a concise but insightful conclusion that weaves in how the applicant has gotten to know Harvard Business School and how the MBA program will help her achieve her goals.

Sponsored by ATLA.MBA: MBA Admissions Consultants: Best Results for Harvard, Stanford, Wharton.

ESSAY

“The birthing ward is to the right,” the woman explained through our translator pointing to a dark room with no electricity and six cots, three on each side. Flies swarmed throughout the open-air hospital. I was in Vilanculos, Mozambique with colleagues from the IFC. As the team responsible for monitoring the firm’s investment in a gas field joint venture (“JV”) with Sasol (a South African petrochemicals company), we had come for quarterly partner meetings. On this trip however, we had ventured out of Maputo to conduct a site visit of the gas processing plant, and a local hospital funded with its revenues. As we passed the hospital’s pharmacy we came to a leaking tank, water forming a muddy puddle beneath it. Our guide explained the water tank at the hospital had been broken for the past several months. Consequently any water that was needed had to be carried from the nearest borehole.

The previous week in Washington I had updated the valuation for the investment, worried about increasing capital expenditure and how it would impact IFC’s return. This hospital, with its dirt floors and lack of plumbing, put into question my preoccupation with the financials. It was shocking that a gas plant with multi-billion dollar sales agreements could not fund this $500 problem. I soon realized however, it was emblematic of a much larger issue: the complicated relationship between the project’s stakeholders, including the Government, local community and foreign investors.

The JV had gained “community” support through promises of economic growth and the construction of social infrastructure. Yet on our visit to Vilanculos, it was clear the local people had not significantly benefitted from the gas plant. They continued to eke out livelihoods the ways they always had and would for their foreseeable future. The Government’s healthy tax and royalty revenues were the project’s real drivers. These funds could have fixed the hospital; however, when it was told about the leaking tank, the Government claimed fixing the issue was not in its current budget. Just as I in my DC office had lost sight of the individuals who could benefit from the project’s lofty developmental goals, so too had the Government. To preserve the sustainability of the hospital, the JV partners were hesitant to crowd out government responsibility for this public resource with additional private funds. Unfortunately no constructive partnership had been reached between the Government and the providers of private capital to prevent these situations.

After returning to Washington, I worked to ensure the water tank was fixed and the beneficiaries of the development goals were not forgotten. First, I involved broader IFC resources, including a team specializing in strategizing and implementing community outreach. Second, we established a sub-committee to ensure greater accountability and alignment amongst all JV partners for these development initiatives. The water tank has since been fixed, however these broader issues involving the division of public and private responsibility are ongoing.

Through my work at Goldman Sachs and the IFC, I have developed a strong understanding of finance and firsthand experience of the core issues faced when investing internationally. Including when working in frontier markets rarely is monetary funding enough to ensure success on all fronts. IFC’s investment thesis for the Mozambique JV contained two broad objectives: financial and developmental. Without the engagement of a diverse group of stakeholders, including governments and local communities, and their expectation for sustainable returns—the developmental goal would remain unrealized.

My interest in emerging markets and the career ambitions it has fostered are deeply intertwined with my upbringing. My Father is British, and my parents used our resulting dual-citizenships as an excuse to travel. At university, I double majored in Economics and International Relations to further study the convergence of finance and geopolitics. While studying abroad in Shanghai and researching my thesis on foreign investment’s role in the economic growth of Western China, I became aware of my own biases. After receiving a poor grade on an essay I asked the professor how to improve. “You only took account the western point of view,” he said, “what about the Chinese”? I re-wrote the paper and learned to remember both sides. My Mother is an attorney who has successfully managed to run her own law firm and raise two daughters. From her role modeling I learned that I could turn these priorities into a career with significant impact.

Going forward, I plan to work in private equity within frontier markets and in the longer-term apply my knowledge to a role in international diplomacy. To reach this goal will require me to combine the technical knowledge and experiences I have garnered thus far, with a deeper understanding and development of my leadership abilities.

My most rewarding personal leadership experience has been serving as a mentor to Chason Pan, a first-generation college student at Baruch College who moved from China when he was 18. Chason wants to become an investment banker; however, when we first met he was culturally and experientially unprepared to compete for this position. At the beginning I was frustrated and unsure of the value I could add, as the hurdles to achieving this goal felt insurmountable. One day Chason mentioned a painting that had inspired him. As a fellow art lover, on a whim I suggested we go to the Met. While there his depth of knowledge surprised me. This day, leaving the confines of an office building and getting to see a different side of Chason, was the beginning of our common understanding and working relationship. After knowing Chason holistically, his challenges to achieving a finance internship did not seem as large. His intellect and disciplined work ethic would be an asset to any firm. We incorporated these attributes into his resume and cover letters. Finally, to address his obstacles, I pulled on my own experience recruiting, as well as my network of friends and colleagues, to provide him greater knowledge of the finance industry and the path to get there. After two years of working together, Chason successfully achieved an investment banking internship at JP Morgan last summer.

In business school, I want the opportunity to refine the leadership techniques I have learned though my work with Chason in order to apply them on a broader scale. Additionally, upon graduating I aim to possess a toolkit of strategies to effectively confront the macro issues I experienced in Mozambique—successfully coupling financial return with developmental sustainability.

__

REVIEW

Our mantra is a very custom program to deliver an essay that:

• considers the candidate's specific competitive pool;
• is integral to the unique positioning of the application;
• demonstrates the applicant's potential to have positive impact;
• shows authenticity, clarity of thought, and a considered self-awareness; and,
• connects with the admissions committee reader.

Sponsored by The Jaffe Advantage: The Jaffe Advantage is a full service MBA Admissions Consultancy – with a strong belief in the power of storytelling. I have been advising prospective MBA candidates since 2010 and have helped multiple applicants gain entry to the top U.S. and European business schools.

ESSAY

Prompt: Kellogg’s purpose is to educate, equip and inspire brave leaders who create lasting value. Provide a recent example where you have demonstrated leadership and created value. What challenges did you face and what did you learn?

This essay was provided by the experts at Admissions Gateway.

Most [Nationality] women would remember their first lingerie shopping experience. It is hard to forget the experience of slipping into a dingy shop with your mother, getting eyed up by the male seller, buying without trial and rushing out before, God forbid, the world realizes you bought a bra.

Lingerie remains a taboo topic in [Country], and fashionable lingerie is considered especially risqué, with a ‘one-size, one-style – fits all’ mindset. Aiming to provide an uninhibited lingerie shopping experience, [Company’s] CEO entrusted me responsibility to make [Company] the largest lingerie player in [Country].

Our primary challenge was to create a transformational lingerie shopping experience in a conservative society. Women were apprehensive to share details and openly purchase lingerie, especially from an unknown start-up. I initiated a pan-India “Fit-for-all” campaign highlighting body diversity and the importance of well-fitting lingerie both for health and self-confidence. The campaign spanned 100+ micro-influencers and connected 5Mn+ women, enrolling 400K followers on social-media.

With traditional firms selling standard sizes this campaign helped identify unavailability of non-average sizes. I then led “Fit-athons’, measuring hundreds of women and built a fit recommendation engine. Collaborating with the Sourcing Head, my team standardised raw materials to ensure comfort and quality across 300+ sizes. To promote correct fit, we disseminated educational content at offline events and social-media.

Reaching women in underpenetrated, non-urban areas was challenging. We developed a strategy to build an e-commerce platform supported with retail stores. Targeting consumers through social-media/affiliates, we focussed on customer-experience across touchpoints – instructional website interface, quality checks, discrete delivery across 28k+ zip-codes and easy try-and-buy options. This increased consumer retention and boosted revenue to $[X]Mn/year.

Concentrating on offline expansion through a micro-markets approach, I identified cities with large addressable markets to open exclusive stores. Leveraging our USP as ‘fit experts’, we introduced consultation programs at our omni-channel outlets, employing virtual inventory exposure to provide the right fit across 10k+ styles. We improved offline accessibility through ~600 neighbourhood stores establishing [Company] in 10 cities with ~$[X]Mn in offline sales and the fastest breakeven for company stores.

With [Company’s] rapid growth, I focused on ensuring sustainability by building a service-oriented culture. Tracking consumer feedback; conducting weekly reviews, introducing soft-skills training and setting-up a NPS-linked appraisal process for 150+ employees, my team enabled 35% uptake in NPS.

Growing [Company] taught me to build brand salience through product differentiation. I learnt to step into the customer’s shoes and innovate by creating interactive, immersive experiences to overcome consumer hesitation. Building consumer loyalty highlighted the importance of product quality, and the need for an unobtrusive service-oriented culture.

Today, [company] serves 2Mn customers, is set to reach $[X]Mn revenue by 2020, and is growing into a women’s fashion brand with aim to expand into Asia-Pacific, the Middle-East and Africa.
___

REVIEW

This introduction immediately captured my attention. Not only is it humorous and engaging, but it establishes that the writer is about to embark on a story focused on leadership and change. Two of the most common mistakes I see candidates make are 1) beginning their essay with a sentence that essentially reiterates the question and 2) writing an introduction that is interesting but long-winded.

Admissions officers read application essays from morning to night. Anytime a candidate can provide a respite from the “ordinary” they are one step ahead. At the same time, it is important to ensure that the essay establishes its thesis early. In this case, the writer has done both by the third sentence.

After establishing context, the writer spends the rest of the essay focusing on her actions. She addresses four different sub-topics: establishing a value proposition based on fit; reaching women in rural areas through e-commerce, creating stores in micro-markets, and building a service oriented culture. Addressing different strategies allows the writer to showcase the variety and magnitude of her experience. She demonstrates her deep knowledge of marketing from e-commerce to customer experience to social media to the use of influencers. Business schools want to know that each of their students will bring a new perspective and point-of-view to the classroom. By using a leadership essay to demonstrate a deep understanding of marketing, the writer sets herself up as an expert who can add value to Kellogg both inside and outside the classroom.

While the essay asks about leadership, Kellogg is known for its focus on teamwork. The writer does an excellent job interweaving the two. She writes about collaborating with the Sourcing Head and she makes sure to credit her team for much of the work. The essay reflects the culture of the school by putting emphasis on working well with others.

Overall this is an excellent essay. However, as a third Party Admissions Consultant (I am reviewing this essay post submission) I can’t help but notice a few things I would have recommended changing. These aren’t show-stoppers, but they are important.

• First, the solution doesn’t actually address the issue. The writer starts her essay by focusing on the fact that lingerie remains a taboo subject in her country. In order to provide an uninhibited shopping experience, it would be important for the writer to show how she changed the mindset of the consumer. Instead she focuses first and foremost on fit. While she does make reference to a “discreet delivery” in rural markets and writes about micro-influencers (who conceivably would be the ones making lingerie an acceptable subject) she never really addresses how she made lingerie acceptable. Had I been providing advice, I would have recommended that the writer explain how she used micro-influencers (or other tactics) to change the conversation in the country.
• Second, the writer interchanges the use of “I” and “we.” While it is important to own the story in a leadership essay, there are other grammatical constructions that can be used. The writer could have used the words “our” or “we” only following a reference to the company or her team.
• Finally, there is one grammatical error. She writes “[Company’s] CEO entrusted me responsibility to make…..” This should have been “[Company’s] CEO entrusted me to make” or [Company’s] CEO entrusted me with the responsibility to make.” Though the writer is foreign, the essay is written in perfect English making this stand out as an error rather than a sentence written by a candidate whose second language is English. While one grammar mistake will not make or break an application, candidates should be extremely careful to proof their essays multiple times.

Overall this is an excellent approach to Kellogg’s leadership essay. Combined with her above-average academic credentials, I am not at all surprised to learn this candidate was admitted.

Disclaimer: With exception of the removal of identifying details, essays are reproduced as originally submitted in applications; any errors in submissions are maintained to preserve the integrity of the piece.