Chainsmokers Throw Down
The Chainsmokers—a popular EDM duo—performs.

Get Team Jess and Team Logan from Gilmore Girls off your mind, because the real war is right in front of you, and it’s—naturally—about Yardfest 2017. The Class of 2019 Facebook group erupted with arguments this weekend while the rest of us were sleeping off our gobble wobble. The two factions are those who support Carly Rae Jepsen for this year’s Yardfest, and those who support The Chainsmokers, and of course, each side is violently opposed to the other.

Some background: rumor had it that the College Events Board was picking between these two artists, which brought the groups head to head. We‘re not entirely certain how much of the fight is sarcasm, but we’re pretty sure we know comedic gold when we see it.

If you’re trying to fill the gaping void that Harvard’s loss to Yale has left in your heart, it’s time to get involved in something else that only Harvard would take too seriously. Not entirely sold? We’ll help you choose.

The Chainsmokers

To paraphrase the Facebook spat, do you want the upcoming Yardfest to be a non-stop “certified banger”? Do you want music that’s more nuanced than “call me maybe?” Are you, like Alex Pall of the DJ duo, a self-proclaimed “frat-bro dude”? Look no further than The Chainsmokers. Yeah, okay, you’ve heard ‘Closer’ around a dozen times every weekend since it came out, but you can still get down to it! Yardfest isn’t really about the pinnacle of musical mastery, it’s about ending the year with a bang...er.

Carly Rae Jepsen

If you’re fighting on this side, the first and foremost requirement is that you abhor The Chainsmokers’ dudebro reputation and want an actual artist at Yardfest, thanks. If you think ‘Call Me Maybe’ is an underrated pop masterpiece, then you already know you’re Team Carly. In fact, you’re not even really reading this article; you’re already digging for more gross things The Chainsmokers have said. There’s only one person who can bring the right upbeat feel to Yardfest to you. Is it too soon to bring back #ImWithHer?

Staying neutral?

At this rate, you’re going to either sit Yardfest out, or intentionally pregame too hard. Don’t give up hope, though, because the CEB confirmed that they don’t haven’t whittled their list of potential headliners down to a top two yet. There’s still hope that Frank Ocean will get in the mix.