The blog of The Harvard Crimson

Why You Should Check Out Head of the Charles

This weekend, Cambridge and Boston will once again host the Head of the Charles, a two-day-long celebration of rowing and white people in Patagonias. Thousands of individuals will descend on the banks of the Charles to either spectate or compete in the largest crew competition in the world. If you’re like us and love fried dough, walking around in the dust, and tall people with toned quads, make sure you don’t miss it.

Right now you’re probably asking yourself, “What should I do at an event for a sport that I didn’t even know existed before coming to Harvard?” Don’t worry, Flyby’s got you covered.

Food and goodies

Around the halfway mark of the event, businesses such as Boston Burger Company and Frito-Lay will set up stands to sell (as well as give out) food between JFK St and Weeks Bridge. Overpriced mac and cheese in bread bowls anyone? Other sponsors of the regatta will also be giving out free stuff (hopefully there’s a free fidget spinner or two in the mix). If cookies and cakes are more your thing, The Radcliffe Crew team will be having a bake sale at Weld Boathouse.

Retail therapy

For the bougiest of you, Brooks Brothers will have tents near both the Weld Boathouse and the finish line (past Eliot Bridge on the Boston side), with polo shirts, sweatshirts, bags, and other goodies for sale. Unless you volunteer at the event, you’ll have to shell out close to $400 to get one of the official 2017 Head of the Charles jackets. But don’t worry, there will also be more affordable merchandise sold throughout the race course.

Support your boys and girls in the boats

Those tall specimens in spandex who take all the food in the d-hall are people too, and they would probably appreciate your cheering when they compete this weekend. The men’s and women’s teams combined have entered nearly 20 boats this year, so you can catch them at various times of the day as you eat a burger and flex your new Brooks Brothers gear (and your empty bank account) on the sideline.

All of this crew extravaganza can only be improved by some casual day drinking (although if anyone asks why you’re wandering around the river drunk at 1:48pm, it wasn’t us). Enjoy your weekend, and don’t forget to check back in for our roundup of the event.

Flyby Investigates: 8:41 a.m. Bells

It’s the wee hours of the morn, and you’re in deep sleep mode. You’re sprawled under the sheets, probably alone, dreaming about six-figure salaries or that one hot TF. Suddenly, all fantasies are shattered as the clanging of bells shakes you awake.

Why do the god-awful bells of Memorial Church ring incessantly every morning at 8:41 a.m.? Before we reveal the truth, here are some alternative conspiracy theories…

Universal Alarm: To avoid rampant absences and lateness, Harvard University decided long ago to ring the bells before 9 a.m. as an underhanded way to wake up groggy freshman and encourage classroom attendance.

John Harvard's Request: Although he didn’t have any children, there had to be a way for him to pass on some type of legacy. So, before dying and donating his property to Harvard, John himself requested the bells ring at this time as a show of tribute.

Remembering Roots: 8:41 a.m. commemorates the time at which Harvard was formally founded by Great and General Court of the Massachusetts Bay Colony in 1636.

Crazy Tourists: Rubbing John Harvard’s foot isn’t the only way to get some of that ‘Harvard luck’. A new tourist tradition includes visiting Memorial Church right at 8:41 a.m. and ringing the bells as a sign of good (and much cleaner) luck.

Disappointingly, none of the above was the case. But, after some hardcore investigating, Flyby has gotten to the bottom of the question, “What’s Up With the Damn Bells?!”

The Real Explanation: Memorial Church tolls its bells every morning as a call to service for its churchgoers. So the next time you wake up, irritated by the damn bells, silently curse the virtuous church-mice, roll over, and return to your sinful dreams about capitalism (or that hot TF).

How to Thrift Your Way Through Harvard

We’ve hit that part of the semester where clubs have finished hosting info sessions, and all the freebies that were up for grabs are dissipating. The bustle of the beginning of the school year has settled down, but that doesn’t mean the free stuff is gone. Here are some tips and tricks that’ll help you thrift your way to free essentials.

Always Have Tupperware

Ah tupperware, the best household item since sliced bread. Try something at the dining halls that just hits the spot? Don’t wait for it to rotate back. Instead take out a plastic container and stuff it to the brim with those curly fries.

Bonus tip: Use the to-go cups as a substitute if you don’t have your own tupperware.

Crimzone Rewards

Even Harvard’s less sports-conscious student body can take advantage of Crimzone’s weekly bribes, which often include pizza and t-shirts. Show up, get your points (which can add up to earn flat screens and more), then leave.

Optional: Watching the game.

Lamont Cafe After-Hours

Most baristas will pass out the remaining pastries at the end of the day. Sit it out till closing, and keep your eye on the prize. Sweet chocolate croissants (not a finished p-set).

Follow a Friend

Most organizations will have snacks during their meetings so that’s definitely an option. If the ones you’re a part of don’t satiate your appetite, feel free to follow a friend to their meetings. Once you’re there, politely introduce yourself and say you’re interested in joining next term/year before dipping with food in hand. Your friend can take it from there (if they don’t, it’s time to rethink that friendship).

Craigslist

If you pick up a free futon from Craigslist, please send a small gratuity to Flyby. If you get jumped instead, this point was never part of the article. Always bring back-ups to Craigslist pick-ups and have HUPD/Cambridge Police on speed dial.

Your Guide to Coffee in the Square

Find yourself facing down against late nights writing papers and studying for exams? Looking for a new place to chill? Or, maybe you just feel guilty about sleeping in until 2 p.m. every day and need a little boost. Lucky for you, you’re in a college town where cafes are ubiquitous and a good cup is easy to find. Cantabrigians appreciate a fine bean, and they’ve provided plenty of options for your every coffee need.

Café Pamplona

The rest are all phonies

With a crowd of regulars who can be seen smoking near the café’s sunny outdoor seating and a minimalist basement interior conducive to off-the-cuff Heidegger references, there’s a reason Crimson reporters went to Pamplona when they wanted to interview Cantabrigians about the demise of the hipster. But, as Harvard Square’s oldest café, the place has its charm—and its own Wikipedia page. An extensive tea menu, interesting crowd, and late hours make this café a great place for late-night conversation or a heartfelt journal entry.

Bring: Real live pen and paper for documenting your every artsy thought

Try: Café Pamplona (the cafe’s signature coffee drink), guava and cheese sandwich, classic hot chocolate

Crema Cafe

To unplug and chow down

Maybe it’s the easy-listening music that plays in the background, or maybe it’s the divine array of pastries lying on the counter. Whatever it is, Crema is the place to go to unplug and to boost your mood before class. The constant lines make it easy to tell that this cafe corners the market at all times of the day with its charming interior and high-quality menu. New cafes are great and all, but Crema has become a Harvard classic. If you don’t mind waiting a little for your avocado and caramelized onion grilled cheese sandwich and taking it to go (somehow, the seats are always taken), you’ll have to try out this spot. If you’re really hungry, the side of sweet potato chips is going to be your best friend.

Bring: Your whole paycheck

Try: Golden Crema or Red Crema coffee beverages, Crema Grilled Chicken sandwich, any of their cupcakes

Darwin’s Ltd.

Home away from home

You might have already passed this local coffee shop on Mt. Auburn St., but if you walk a few minutes from the Yard onto Cambridge St., or past Central towards MIT, you’ll also find two other locations. No matter which branch of the cafe you choose to visit, you’re sure to find a home-y atmosphere, a good soundtrack, and great food and beverages.

Bring: A day’s worth of work—Darwin’s is a great place to camp out and finish that English paper

Try: Chai latte, “The Story”—this is the name at the Mt. Auburn storefront, but sandwich names vary at each location

Tatte Bakery and Cafe

For good food and better aesthetics

If you’re looking for a filling—albeit overpriced—meal, some fancy coffee, or an artsy photo for your Instagram, Tatte (rhymes with latte) is the place to be. Owner Tzurit Or channeled her childhood in Israel to create the menu for the bakery, which originated in Brookline. The aesthetic of the store is unparalleled in the Square, and upstairs you’ll find additional seating as well as a coffee bar. If you don’t stop by on purpose, you’ll probably find yourself wandering in sooner or later because of the alluring smell of fresh pastries that attracts anyone who walks by outside.

Bring: $$$

Try: Spinach and labneh pita, traditional shakshuka dish, nitro-cold brew coffee, nutella cookie

Flour

For a drool-worthy addition to your cup o’ joe

Especially for those of us who really just want some fresh-baked goods with our coffee, Flour is a great place to settle down with a friend. With countless sweet and savory breads, bars, and cookies, as well as a large selection of sandwiches and salads, Flour is sure to satisfy your appetite. Who could resist a sticky bun with dark caramel and toasted pecans, or a brioche filled with pastry cream and chocolate? Or perhaps you just want a simple latte with a lemon scone, or a quiche with a salad. How about a grilled chicken sandwich with brie and onions, or a Korean BBQ beef dinner? Whatever it is that you order, you won’t be disappointed. Just make sure to get a refreshing cup of cold brew on the side.

Bring: A bag for carrying the many, many goods you will inevitably buy

Try: Roast beef sandwich, sticky buns, homemade oreos

Tealuxe / DAVIDsTEA

If you don’t actually want coffee

If you’re more of the tea type, Tealuxe and DAVIDsTEA are going to be your best bets. Pots of loose-leaf tea rest in a wall of drawers behind the counter in Tealuxe, and dark interiors lend this spot a musty, if-I-weren’t-a-chain-I’d-be-a-hole-in-the-wall vibe. With countless varieties of traditional or fruity hot and iced beverages, and even bubble teas (yes, you can get boba from places other than Boston Tea Stop), this spot is great for a break from the bustling Square.

If you want more of an energetic and bright atmosphere, stop by at DAVIDsTEA, where bright blue canisters of tea line the wall. Plus, you can get any type of tea iced, which is great for the blistering temperatures that summer brings.

Bring: Intellect (fake or not), an open mind

Try: At Tealuxe, the mint chocolate chip bubble tea, frozen matcha. At DAVIDsTEA, cinnamon rooibos chai, strawberry rhubarb parfait.

Dunkin’ Donuts / Starbucks Coffee / Peet’s Coffee & Tea

The classics

Though large-scale businesses such as these may not boast the same amount of character as the other cafes on this list, even the most snobbish of sippers will appreciate the coffee chains in the Square.

Sit at the second-story window of the main Starbucks for the best people-watching experience in town, or face inward to observe law students, tourists, and locals alike enjoying their venti Frappuccinos at the coffee bar. If that’s not your thing, head down to the basement of the T station for some of the best Dunkin’ in the state, or to Peet’s to get your commercial chain coffee fix without feeling “basic.” We know you go to Starbucks and Dunkin’ (almost) every day, so a change might be worth it.

Bring: A Boston accent

Try: At Starbucks, a coconut milk mocha macchiato. At Dunkin’ Donuts, an iced latte. At Peet’s, any of their bagels.

Cecilia R. K. Barron also contributed to this piece.

Overheard at Consulting Events

Campus Interview Program Fair
Sheraton Commander Hotel was filled with many students seeking jobs or internships at the campus interview program fair last Friday. The career fair, organized by the Office of Career Services, featured careers primarily related to finance, consulting, and tech.

Does anyone really even know what consulting is? No. But that doesn’t stop scores of snakes — er, students — from taking advantage of the many opportunities Harvard provides for them to sell their soul to the firm they’re best suited for. From networking to more networking, the events hosted by the Office of Career Services and by consulting firms are truly...fascinating affairs. Don’t believe us? Here are some of the things we’ve overheard at recent recruiting gigs:

“Didn't really know what I was gonna do and somehow I ended up in Consulting”

Said by every consultant ever to every other consultant ever.

“You know, Boston has the most consultants per capita in the world”

Mostly due to the wonderful employment opportunities offered by a degree in the Arts and Humanities at Harvard.

“Consulting is sooooooooo fun”

……

“I felt like I couldn't do anything the first two weeks. You really learn on the job.”

Proof that a Harvard education means as much to the outside world as being the principal of a home school.

“Every day I get to sit and think and present my thoughts.”

Kind of like a Kindergarten show-and-tell, really.

“The first week of my freshman year I was passed out in a ditch.”

CS50?

“We have wine tours.”

But it's Massachusetts wine so you might as well use it as engine fluid.

“My job isn't at all quantitative.”

Sorry, Stat 104. Who needs math to predict market trends when you have Massachusetts wine?

“I took a bunch of straight men to a gay club with mechanical penises on the tables.”

Actually, what?

Posts You're Bound to See in Your Class Facebook Group

We wonder if Zuck predicted how annoying people would get when he first thought of Facebook.

Class Facebook groups are either hilarious or cringe-inducing. There doesn't seem to be an in-between. Just think about it: it's that time of night again, you have absolutely nothing else you could possibly do to procrastinate on that Ec p-set, so you pay a quick visit to the Facebook page. You think: this time I will find some quality content.

Think again! Here are the types of posts you're most likely to encounter here

Introducing Me

Hi! My name’s [insert quirky name], and here’s a picture of my ugly dog. Alternatively, here’s some random dog that’s clearly not mine since I don’t know even know its name. I’m posting because I can’t stand the idea of being excluded from anything! I’m from a small town in Iowa you definitely haven’t heard of. Or I’m from New York (the ‘city’ part is implicit).

I’ve been doing this eccentric thing with my spare time since I was just a year old—I put it down on my application, so I might as well put it down here to make sure all of you know I’m a prodigy. I also love saying that I love running, walking, hiking, or any other physical activity. I say I procrastinate all the time, even though I drafted this post before I even got in. I can’t wait to meet all of you, hook up with a few of you, and then promptly forget all of your names!

Just A Good Friend

(Posting for a friend, so don’t judge me for spamming the entire class with crap that people care less about than their roommate’s sleep when a “friend” comes over for the night!) Do you want a sweatshirt with Dean Khurana eating from a bag of plain pistachios on it? No? Well, our crappy marketing team sure thinks so! Come to this obscure hall at this time when everyone—including me—is busy to leave their rooms.

PSA

Hey everyone, here’s a reminder about something important that might actually be useful for those slackers out there. Of course, I’m not doing this because I actually care about you. I just want y’all to know just how organized and helpful I am, so that you affectionately call me ‘mom’ or ‘dad’ and want to be my friend. Cheers! (Also, please like my post and constantly bump it, thanks.)

The “Poor” Concert Goer

Anyone wanna go to the [insert musician name] concert? Tickets are only like, a couple hundred dollars, and I absolutely love their music. Be my concert buddy! P.S. You will see me complaining about being a broke college student on every other post.

The Club Climber

Hey everyone, there’s this really cool event that’s happening tomorrow, and I swear it’s not something that I’m connected to. What’s that, I just want brownie points with my club? No way! This is a valuable experience that’s definitely worth your time. But if they ask you how you found out about the event, make sure to drop my name.

Lost and Found

I just lost this important item that no one will ever see again. If you’re lucky I’ll have a picture, but most of the time I’ll just give a vague description. This post will be constantly bumped by my friends making fun of me. Alternatively: I just found this important-looking thing, are any of you the owner? I know no one will actually see this post or care about the lost item, but I just wanted to remind myself what a good person I am.

Dude, That's Rude: Punch Part 2

So we told you how not to be the worst punchee ever (and we hope you listened). Now we’ve got some things to say to the people on the other side of the process: the punchers. We understand that it must be a fun power trip to have hundreds of eager sophomores bending to your will, but please, keep it cool.

Stopping mid-conversation to take notes on a punchee

We don’t need more reminders that it is your job to judge us. Please don’t pull out your phone randomly to take a few notes on us. If you really were just “trying to get to know us,”you wouldn’t need a record of our outfits.

Making speeches about ~inclusion~

An inclusive punch process is an oxymoron. If we wanted inclusion, we’d go to Khurana’s suggested Chaucer readings. Everyone knows that final clubs aren’t exactly the home of inclusivity, so stop pretending. Cut it out with the speeches. We’re not buying it.

Faking coolness for six weeks

It can’t be a coincidence that your rowdiest weeks of the year just happen to overlap with punch. We know you want us to think that you’re extra cool so that we join. But please, do us a favor and give us realistic expectations for the rest of the year. This is Harvard: We don’t expect you to party five nights a week, and we don’t even want to join if that’s your regular thing.

Apologetic emails to announce cuts

We know it’s not “just a numbers thing.” You’re not letting us down any easier by adding a GIF into your rejection email. Again, we didn’t start this process with expectations of all-inclusive love and belonging. We’ll get the message if we don’t get an aggressive knock on our doors followed by a letter.

These may seem like some big asks. After all, punch is a rude process on the whole. But we would really appreciate it if you did your part to make this campus a little less insane this month. If you catch yourself in any of these situations, keep your ears open for a: dude, that’s rude.

How to Celebrate Friday the 13th

Mark your calendars, Friday the 13th is fast approaching! While most people will probably use this day to hit up their regular party spots and traverse to neighboring colleges for a good time (or mediocre at best), why not mix it up and do something special? Whether you’re aloof, spooky, or even freaky, here are a few activities to keep in mind for the 13th.

Scare your friends with pranks: If you’re feeling a bit naughty on the night, pull a few pranks on your friends. Steal all your rower roommate’s Chubbies so he’ll stop showing off his quads. Or, rave about the nonexistent caviar that Annenberg is serving for dinner, and watch familiar disappointment slide onto your peers’ faces once they realize there’s nothing but the regular schlop.

Watch a horror movie: Gather some friends, turn off the lights, and prepare for some Amazon Prime and spooky time! Stream some of horror classics, such as Insidious, The Shining, The Exorcist, and (of course) Friday the 13th. Or, if you’re into more recent stuff, binge the new season of American Horror Story, “Cult.” Call a friend with a projector or HDMI cord for the full effect.

City-wide manhunt: Maybe Friday the 13th gets you all jazzed up. Host a manhunt game in the Cambridge area, and spend the night chasing down your inebriated buddies while screaming at other pedestrians that you go to Harvard. Loser has to jump into the Charles River.

Study at Cabot: Are you the type of person who likes to get scared all on your own? If so, swing by Cabot library in the evening and gaze around the ghostly empty room, since you’re the one loser who decided to stay in on the night of Friday the 13th.

Get psychotic in the bathroom: If all else fails, try out some Bloody Mary chants, fully clothed showers in the dark, and “bloody” mirror writing if you’re hardcore. (Red)rum anyone? Get creative, and try to spook out your roommate or the next person to use the hall bathroom that night.

Happy hauntings, Harvard!

​The Diseases You’ll Get at Harvard

Life at this prestigious institution is a great experience. Students from over 153 countries and from across all 50 states get to mix and mingle—as do their germs. We guarantee that sooner or later one of the following maladies will have you heading to HUHS for some treatment… And probably to a few other hospitals as well. After all, if you haven't spent time in quarantine, do you even go to Harvard?

Mono

Awkward eye contact in Annenberg isn’t the only consequence of sloppy makeouts at sweaty parties. If you think you’re safe because you had mono in high school, think again. The student you exchanged saliva with could be from anywhere in the world (or simply an intruder from Northeastern University), meaning you might just encounter a new strain. It’s rare, but be on the lookout.

Strep

Same symptoms as mono, but for people who spend their Saturday nights doing psets rather than going out. At least you can catch up on those readings while you’re out of class.

Chronic common cold

This is most serious for freshmen who don’t know how to take care of themselves. After the second month of surviving on cough drops and Nyquil-induced sleep, you’ll be longing for your mom to appear at the side of your flimsy, college-issue bunk bed. At this point, we’ve got no hope or advice left for you. We’re pretty sure Berg orange juice contains no vitamin C. Just turn the other way when you sneeze, please.

Mumps

By this point just a fact of Harvard life, this archaic disease has ravaged campus for the past few years. Honestly, at this point, there's no one to blame but yourself. Hasn't Paul J. Barreira told you more than enough time to wash your damn hands?

Something you’ve never heard of before

If you don’t recognize any of the words in your HUHS diagnosis, don’t panic. You’re not special. There are a lot of weird diseases lurking around campus. We’re wondering: is it Hand, Foot and Mouth disease or Foot, Mouth and Hand? Does the order even matter? And why is it capitalized?

A literal WW2 disease

Harvard takes its status as the oldest university in the United States pretty seriously, and this extends to its illnesses as well. Sure, tuberculosis may not be commonly found in industrialized countries anymore, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have it.

If you’ve gone six for six, keep going. Your Harvard career has only just begun, so we trust that you’ll find plenty more opportunities to get sick. And no, throwing up in the bathroom at school-sponsored events does not count. That’s just plain gross.

Let's Talk About Your D-Hall Crush

We’re a month into the fall semester, which means you’ve finally figured out your schedule. You're probably at the point where you take regular lunch breaks now. Health and nutrition are supes important. So, you linger a little in the lunch line. Why not? You're totally not checking out the cutie by the coffee machines. Not at all.

Yeah, we don’t buy it. It’s time to be honest: you have a d-hall crush. There are a few scientific rules for what defines these crushes, and Flyby is here to break down this phenomenon for you.

Location

The context in which you see this person is extremely limited. Not walking through the corridors of your House. Not hurrying from class to class in the Yard. You only see them at meals, in the dining hall. For all you know they’re a figment of your imagination conjured up by hunger and sleep deprivation.

Limited interaction

Your interactions have been minimal and, unfortunately, not non-verbal in the way you’d prefer. Maybe you know their name, but they probably don’t know yours. They probably don’t know you exist, actually.

Conventional attractiveness

It shames you a little, but this person is attractive enough that they make you feel very basic. Don’t get us wrong—they’re attractive. But could you be any less imaginative?

Attempts to impress

Most of your dining decisions are to show them how #fit and #healthy you are, and how much you totally love your own body! You pile veggies on your plate when they’re around, and you definitely skip dessert.

It’s in the details

They look really good in that one T-shirt. (You know the one.) You’ve never really cared for ‘Infinite Jest’ before, but they were reading it over lunch the other day so maybe you should give it a try? You refer to them by a random epithet or nickname: green polo guy. Blondie. Denim skirt girl. Kid with the Beats. Anything that’s nondescript enough for you to drop in conversation without having to worry about who’s listening (no one is). Really, it’s the little things that make this d-hall crush so captivating.

Mandatory embarrassing experience

You have horrifically embarrassed yourself at least once in their presence. Dropped a food item on the floor? Spilled juice all over yourself? Tripped and dropped your whole tray? It’s all happening, baby. This disastrous moment plays in your head every night before you fall asleep. Your d-hall crush probably didn’t notice it, but that doesn’t mean you won’t agonize over every moment.

(Un)Availability

Maybe they’re in a relationship. Maybe you’re not their type at all. Maybe you’re only crushing on them because you’re too afraid of commitment to actually emotionally invest in someone who could care for you in return. Who knows? What matters is that they’ll never be anything more than someone you worship from afar.

The Types of People You'll Find at Hemenway

Hemenway Gym
Hemenway literally lit at night

Hemenway Gymnasium is a popular spot for all the active students of Harvard. And who can blame them? The multi-story building boasts a simple architecture, a basketball court, and two squash courts for those of us who are too pretentious to play any other racquet sports. Here's a breakdown of the types of people you'll encounter if you ever happen to swing by.

The 24/7 Law Student

Yes, we all know that Harvard Law School is a big deal. But do you really need to prop your books on the bench while working out? Expect to see this type of person during odd hours, since they’re really just odd people. Don’t even try to out-bench them. They even put plates on themselves.

The Hardcore Runner

They were runners in high school, and all they’re good for is running. Just swing by the cardio section to observe these treadmill addicts toil in the same place for a whole hour. Honestly, that’s all they can do.

The Stretch Master

These people work out by doing ridiculous stretch routines on the mat areas the entire time they're at Hemenway. And the thing is, it seems to work (how did they get so jacked?)!

The Fragile Freshman

If you’re a regular at Hemenway, you’ll know that it’s mostly populated with fully grown adults (i.e. frustrated law school students) who boast well-defined physiques and respectable quads. However, there’s a sprinkling of pasty freshmen who decide they finally want to transform. After all, a lifetime of math competitions, music conferences, and claiming ultimate frisbee as your daily workout only gets you so far. You’ll probably see them scurrying around in the low-weight racks and attempting to use the flat bench press. But kudos to them!

The Squash Douche

The name says it all.

The Chest Day Everyday Bro

To this person, the bench press is all that exists. Every other machine is useless, since they don’t contribute to the ‘gainz’. You’ll easily be able to pick him out. Just look for someone with an overblown bust and stick legs.

Love it or Hate it: Fall Heat

Two Flyby staff writers weigh in on Harvard's unseasonably warm fall thus far.

Love It: “Why Are You Complaining? Winter is Terrible” by Stuti Telidevara

To say the warm weather is too warm is shortsighted. In a few months it’ll be so cold that your knuckles will hurt from the force of the blistering winds. Your lips will be permanently chapped. Your face will go numb ducking between Sever and Emerson. Do you enjoy the ten minutes of thawing you’ll have to do when entering a heated building in the winter (and the indoor overheating)? That’s what’s ahead of us. The Farmer’s Almanac says this winter is going to be much colder than last year’s, and super “wet and snowy.” No, thank you.

Compare that to the current blessed weather-utopia we’re living in. It’s pleasantly warm for your morning commute, hot in the afternoon (when, let’s be honest, everyone is usually in a building anyway), and it cools down pretty dramatically when the sun sets. That means shorts! Skirts! Birks without socks! Flip flops! Crocs, if you’re one of those people! Even more importantly: when you go out at night in ~revealing~ clothes, you don’t have to tote your monstrosity of a winter coat and worry about someone stealing it at a party. And you can actually wear aforementioned ~revealing~ clothes without losing sensation in your limbs. You want to wear sweaters? By March, you’ll be sick of them, because they’re going to be all you’re wearing.

Clothes aside, it’s so great to actually be able to feel sunlight on my face. The sun sets by 4 p.m. in the winter, and I basically have the productivity of a sloth after that. I walk out of afternoon section and into some kind of dark underworld. None of that now, though. I can actually see the colors of the sunset on the way to the dining hall. #instadaily

Speaking of the good ol’ outdoors, the warmth makes them actually survivable. I find myself wanting to take walks or sit on the lawn. And this is from someone with no desire to move whatsoever on a normal day. Do you know what it’s like to feel yourself falling asleep in a deck chair? Heaven. That’s what it feels like.

I know that Harvard’s population has a disproportionate number of Northeasterners. That, combined with the average student’s masochistic tendencies, makes some of you guys think the weather always has to be life-threatening. I’m here to tell you that’s not the case. Weather can be your friend too, if you just let it love you.

Hate It: “Sweater Weather is Just Objectively Better” by Trula Rael

Following a recent trek back from Central Square, I looked like I had just taken a dip in a swimming pool of sweat. And while I could attribute this excessive perspiration to my below-average fitness level, I choose instead to blame the merciless sun on that 86-degree day. I made a beeline for the lone window fan in my stuffy room, but alas, the air it was blowing in from outside was too hot to provide any respite. As I hugged the fan, visions of DeWolfe air conditioning danced in my heat-delirious head.

According to my Google calendar (which I live by) summer has come and gone. But my weather app tells another story. I enjoy summer as much as the next person, but now that the calendars are firmly turned to fall, how am I supposed to mentally (and physically) prepare myself when thermometers rocket to 85 degrees?

It’s hard enough to look semi-put together on any given day, but achieving any look is exponentially more difficult as the heat rages on. I find myself trying in vain to pull a nonrepetitive outfit out of the mere two-week supply of summer clothes I came to school with. I’ve got a giant box of sweaters gifted from my mom, her friends, and everyone’s second cousin twice-removed who was convinced that I would freeze to death. Not one well-wisher thought tank tops were in order.

One would think that in such unbearable heat, these sweaters would go sad and unused, but I’ve made that mistake once, and I won’t make it again. One minute outside renders anything long sleeve incredibly uncomfortable, but ten minutes into an air conditioned lecture in Sanders, and I deeply regret my clothing choices. When it’s cold outside, I can simply take off layers once I get inside. When it’s hot, however, the burden of lugging around layers to handle freezing cold buildings outweighs the joy of a breezy, light sundress.

So bring on the sweater weather. Bring on the boots, the leggings, the blankets and pumpkin spice flavored everything. I’m ready for the days when “warm” means cozy, not sweaty.

Surefire Ways to Get Cuffed

John Harvard Statue in the Snow
Don't be like John Harvard. You need to find someone to keep you warm through the impending winter.

Cuffing season may seem far off, but it's never too early to try to find a bae. Here's what you should do:

Camp outside of your potential bae’s room.

www.discountsleepingbags.com

Disclaimer: there is a 50/50 chance you will get cuffed, but not in the way you would like to be.

Check out your horoscope (and his) every single day, and just let the stars guide you. You (vir)go! With Mercury in the Twelfth House, the stars will make sure you scor(pio)!

If your bae is in your Ec10 class, tell them that they are (Man)kiw-t!

Tell them that they would be the best bunkmate ever. Repeatedly.

If you’re on the border of making things official, bring them to Border Café. What better way to taco ‘bout your feelings than over chips and salsa?

Get a job delivering HSA fans. Tell them that you’re their biggest fan and that they’ll be super cool. Keep this one on the down-low. If too many people catch wind of this, using this line won’t be a breeze.

Talk about things you have in common. Like common rooms. If he doesn’t have one, offer to show him yours.

Take Russian together, but take it slow! You don’t want to Russian-to something you’re not ready for.

If the above steps all fail, go to Widener steps and stair into their eyes.

Decoding Dress Codes

A.D. Club Punch
Students walk into the Sheraton Commander before the first punch event for the A.D. Club on Tuesday night.

With punch season in full swing and recruiting events happening all around campus, dress code etiquette can rank pretty high up on the list of unnecessarily nerve-wracking concerns. It's already tiring enough to make small-talk and regurgitate the same basic facts about yourself to 15 different people in half an hour. We shouldn’t need to waste even more time deciphering the seemingly endless list of dress codes tailored to each event. Here is a breakdown of what some of these cryptic codes mean, and how we can avoid any fashion faux pas in the future.

Semi-Casual Formal

AKA smart casual: an ambiguously-defined term that typically implies a look somewhere in between neat and casual. Different contexts, events, or venues can merit a ramping up or ramping down of "smart casual", so lookout for who’s dishing out this wardrobe assignment.

Business-Casual

A standard favorite in the fashion world. Usually denoting a style that’s less formal than traditional business attire, but still gives off a professional vibe, this particular dress code calls for a subtle sophistication that says, “I’m calm and collected, but classy af.”

Business-Formal

Generally the go-to for semi-formal events taking place during the day. Business-formal might be the move for conferences, business meetings, or an average day at the Porcellian.

Tea Attire

Ah, the classically cryptic dress code. It implies some level of sophistication that nobody is quite sure how to classify. To be clear, nobody is attending the Kentucky Derby here. Fancy dresses and extravagant hats are not the way to go. It’s better to think “classy visit to afternoon tea with your favorite squad of grandmas.”

Cocktail

Most are familiar with this recurring dress code calling for short dresses and suits and ties. Unlike other wardrobes, cocktail attire is your chance to spice things up a bit and bring your spunk to the party. This is what the average Harvard student might sport at formals.

Casual

Anything goes in the casual world, including jeans, sneakers, and even your ex-hookup’s athletic sweatshirt. While you probably won’t have the chance to sport this style at any punch events, the thought of your favorite sweats waiting for you back in your dorm will probably motivate you to power through your rounds all the more quickly.

We hope this guide can be of some service to you, no matter how minimal. The bottom line is: you are not alone. Dress code etiquette has us all equally screwed. Happy punching/recruiting!

Your 10,000 Step Day

We’ve all heard that we should aspire to take 10,000 steps per day in the name of our health. But let’s face it—when we encounter the all-too-familiar pile of psets, discussion papers, and textbook readings, our personal health crawls lower and lower down our list of priorities. Try this routine out for a day, and you’ll be fit in no time.

Flyby Fitbit
Fitbits are an excellent way to keep track of how many steps you take each day.

Have breakfast at Zinneken's: ~851 steps

What better way to celebrate your newfound health than a decadent plate of Belgian waffles smothered in syrup and dusted with powdered sugar? Never mind the calories, because the steps you took to get to the place totally cancel out the caloric intake.

Take your homework to Cabot: ~887 steps

Psetting doesn’t have to be a sedentary affair—head over to Cabot library in the Science Center to stretch your legs (and your brain) and watch the step count tick up.

Get Felipe’s for lunch: ~633 steps

That pset really got your appetite going, and you have been walking a lot today. You’ve probably entered a calorie deficit at this point. You deserve a nice, warm burrito. And maybe even a sopapilla.

Go back to Cabot: ~633 steps

A Pset calls.

Head to the Mac: ~747 steps

By now, you’re feeling like a true healthy person. Heck, you could probably even down an entire bottle of green juice. A workout at the Mac will be a nice break from your pset and a considerable contribution to your steadily improving health...

Hang a left on Bow St. and go to Insomnia Cookies instead: ~47 steps

...but you did take a lot of steps today, so do you really even need to work out? Insomnia is so close by, and you’ve been craving a snickerdoodle all day. Indulge, my friend, indulge. You’ll walk it all off by the end of the day.

Walk around the Yard: ~626 steps

While you get your steps in, count the number of tourists that touch the John Harvard statue and debate whether or not to warn them of the major health risks associated with the infamous practice.

Grab dinner at Pinocchio’s: ~561 steps

During your walk, you spotted some tourists in the yard with a Pinocchio’s Pizza box. Pinocchio’s is a godsend to Harvard Square, and you deserve a heaping slice (or two).

Late-night run (to J.P. Licks): ~462 steps

Lace up those tennis shoes and go for a light jog down Mass. Ave. to J.P. Licks. Logic says that since you ran there, you can have all the ice cream you want without worrying about compromising your health.

Total Step Count: ~5,447 steps

You know, getting 10,000 steps in a day isn’t all that important. The most significant factor of health is happiness. And what could make you happier (and thus, healthier) than a waffle cone at midnight?

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