The blog of The Harvard Crimson

Quad Alternatives to River Staples

So, you live in the Quad. By now you’ve probably discovered the many pros to Quad housing (n+1 life), but what if we said you could get your fave Square staples nearby too? Here’s Flyby’s comprehensive list of Quad alternatives for the regular go-tos.

The Basics

Let’s be honest, we wouldn’t survive without easy access to literally everything at CVS. Good news: there’s a Rite Aid just five minutes away from the Quad. Unfortunately, it’s not 24-hour like our beloved CVS, but you can’t have everything.

Coffee + Pastry Goodness

If there’s one thing the Quad can definitely get you, it’s your morning caffeine fix. Instead of Tatte or Crema, try Hi-Rise or Simon’s Coffee Shop, both only a short walk away from the Quad. If you prefer something a little more basic than those fancy options, Shepard St. has a Starbucks just like the Square too. Too broke? No worries. Cabot Café, located in the basement of Cabot’s E entryway, accepts BoardPlus and Crimson Cash., so say goodbye to Barker and LamCaf!

Get Fancy

Want an actual sit-down restaurant to take a date or your parents to? Instead of heading to Toscano for Italian, try Giulia on Mass Ave (beware, it’s bursting with people on Saturday nights). If you’re looking for a Henrietta’s Table alternative, check out Forage. And if you want a loud, friendly pub atmosphere à la Russell House, head to Cambridge Common instead (not the park).

Friday Night Bites

Miss Sinclair's cool atmosphere and bangin tunes? Check out the equally hipster Lizard Lounge, opened until 2 p.m. on the weekends. This intimately-cozy club in the basement of the aforementioned Cambridge Common hosts an eclectic mix of musicians and poets and offers a wide variety of boozy drinks and greasy fried food (perfect for combating the morning effects of the former). If you’ve pregamed so hard you didn’t even make it out of the quadrangle, the Quad Grille in Pfoho is your last chance to get some drunk chow (while also saving you real cash).

Go Green

If you have a questionable taste in food, favoring Sweetgreen over the more *ahem* palatable options, there’s a great Quad alternative that’ll satisfy all of your vegetation cravings (and we’re not talking about the Quad lawn). Poké City is a Hawaiian mix-and-match salad place right along Mass Ave. The best part is that they also do deliveries!

Can’t Go on Without Kong?

Lucky for you, there are two similar restaurants near the Quad that offer pseudo-Chinese food that’s definitely healthier than the Kong’s signature Scorpion Bowl or oily crab rangoon. One of the first Chinese restaurants in Cambridge, Changsho offers more traditional dishes, while Mix It specializes in fusion cuisine.

Dessert

You no longer have to venture to JP Licks to satisfy your sweet tooth when Honeycomb Creamery is right around the corner from the Quad. It’s a small parlor offering small-batch ice cream artisanally crafted with local ingredients and touting some unique flavors like “Apple Cider Donut” and “Honey Lavender.” Thank god our Canada Goose Jackets will soon conceal our waistlines!

Now that we’ve armed Quadlings with these amazing recommendations, you’re rarely going to see residents of Currier, Cabot and Pfoho in the Square. Good luck not gaining that Sophomore 20!

Dear Professor, Here's Why We Dropped Your Class

Today is the last day you can add/drop a class. Or, actually, the last day you can add or drop a class for free.

If you're a professor reading this at the end of the day, chances are you're staring at your course enrollment and scratching your head. Where did all the students go? Surely the candy I gave them on the first day of shopping week was enough to trap them for the entire semester?

While we Harvard students are a ravenous breed, we're also extremely lazy and will not be duped by your cheap tricks. Here are a few likely reasons why your course enrollment shrank from 50 to 5.

A Spot Opened Up for a Class That's Way More Fun

We were brutally honest when we slipped into your class during the last ten minutes it met on shopping week: this was our back up in case we didn't lottery into the class we really wanted to take. For a while, it looked like we'd be enrolled, but luckily for us, one of the other students ditched Harvard to launch a startup so we're so not dealing with the 500+ pages of reading you assign every week anymore.

You assigned a response paper/blog post during shopping period

Don't they teach manners in Kindergarten? There's an unspoken rule that you should not assign homework during shopping week. What motivation have we to complete your busy work when we're still having an existential crisis about what classes to take? If you assigned a response paper — or worse, a dreaded blog post! — during shopping period, rest assured there's a mass exodus that's going to happen today.

You scheduled a section on Friday at 8 a.m.

Duh. What did you expect? That we would all give up our chance to rage on Thursday night, or trudge into section with a hangover?

The first class was great, but the second class was a snoozefest.

Your class sounded great on paper (*ahem* Game of Thrones *ahem*) but the second lecture had us all running for the hills. Better luck next time.

Our awkward hookup is enrolled in the class

For once, it's not you, it's us. We hooked up with this person freshman year, and then never responded to their frantic texts. We know we're horrible, but we haven't quite hit that responsible adult age where we'll suck it up and subject ourselves to an hour-long awkward fest for the next semester.


    Dude, That's Rude: Punch Part I

    Ah, Sophomore fall: a time to put down those Pumpkin Spice Lattes and pick up some social climbing habits for punch season! For the uninitiated, Punch might just be one of the rudest things on this campus already (aside from tourists that block the path to your 9 a.m. when you're already ten minutes late), so don't make our lives worse by committing these punch missteps.

    Being “too busy” and taking three classes

    No matter how cool you think you are, your social climbing ways should never take the time commitment of a fourth class (yes, even Hebrew Bible). The rest of us are out here trying to “play school” and we don’t need this reminder that you’re planning on using your final club connects to get a job while we struggle to maintain a decent GPA, even with grade inflation.

    Slipping that you were punched by the PC into every conversation

    Honestly, there’s something to be said for the fact that even calling it the PC (instead of the Porcellian) is rude by assuming that everyone knows what you’re talking about. Even so, we truly don’t care that you’re among the “chosen ones”, so just stop talking about it.

    Wearing your cocktail business-casual attire and nametag the whole day

    If you come to the dining hall in a suit with a nametag still on, you’re just asking us to ask you where you’ve been. There are only two possible answers: a recruiting event or a punch event, and neither bodes well for your image. This move is simply PDA—public display of attention seeking.

    Swarming the punchmasters and ditching your friends at the event

    Don’t think we don’t know what you’re up to when you make a beeline (it’s a pun, get it?) to the punchmasters the second you step into the room. Like the good Harvard student you are, you see punch as a zero sum game where any chance of your friends' success detracts from your own. It’s rude.

    This list is by no means exhaustive, since punch is a prime time for rudeness. But please, watch out for these glaring punch mistakes. And don’t be surprised if you find your friends calling you out with their new catch phrase: Dude, that’s rude.

    The Harvard Turkey Endorses the Crimson

    The Harvard Turkey
    The Turkey has blessed our presence.
    BREAKING: The fabled Harvard Turkey has made his allegiances very clear. This afternoon, shortly after 5 p.m., around the time the sun begins to take on that angry red color, the Harvard Turkey consecrated 14 Plympton Street with His Presence. Why did He cross the road? To choose His side.

    Put off by the gaudy facade, He scornfully trotted past a certain a semi-secret Sorrento Square social organization that used to occasionally publish a so-called humor magazine. He has deemed what is funny, and what is fowl. He has separated the meat from the giblets. The poultry from the paltry. With His Approval, we shall gobble on.

    (Follow His lead; comp the Crimson! Shoot an email to flyby@thecrimson.com)

    The Worst Noises of Harvard

    Lowell Construction
    Lowell House will be renovated until the end of the 2019 academic year.

    Cambridge is home to only 100,000 people, so you’d think it would be easier to find some peace and quiet. But no, like any good educational institution, Harvard is full of annoying distractions. No matter what House you live in, you’ve probably complained about—or been woken up by—one of these.

    Lowell Construction

    The best part about Lowell House being renovated this year was that the bells don’t ring. But it seems Harvard wanted to make sure no resident of the Square missed Lowell being noisy af, because the construction is just as bad. And it’s bad all day long. Forget about even trying to take a midday nap.

    Your Roommate’s Fifth Snooze

    Considering that you and your roommate are squashed into a double so small you’re practically in the same bed, your roommate should be a little more sensitive about how annoying their alarm is. Every morning, they wake up for an 8 a.m. class—or, try to wake up, because they keep hitting snooze. One more time and you’ll drag them out of bed.

    Garbage Trucks in the Quad

    Picture this: you’re away from the chaos of the Square. It’s 9 a.m., you’re asleep, you feel great...and then the garbage truck beeps outside your window. And then it keeps beeping. For ten minutes. You don’t even need to set your own alarm at this point. Seriously, those things are moseying around the Quad for what seems like hours. Is the beeping necessary?!

    The Tour Group Outside Your Window

    For anyone living in a freshman dorm, this is literally as bad as a jackhammer. Get ready to scream when the tour guide says, “Wigglesworth! Isn’t that a weird name? Say it with me!” and then the entire tour group shouts, “WIGGLESWORTH!”

    If your morning has just begun and you hear one of these...grab your headphones, or a very fluffy pillow. It’s going to be a long, long day. Godspeed, my friends.

    An Open Letter to Freshmen Seeking Parties


    Dear Freshmen,

    Let’s get something out of the way first: Harvard is not a party school, despite some well-respected efforts. As much as you hope that dorm party you were invited to will be a rager, or that the CEB-hosted parties will rival those at state schools, trust us when we say it all goes downhill once some couple making out pins you between the wall and a Harvard-issue standing lamp. When you manage to escape (and you eventually will, once your valiant friends respond to that urgent “HELP” text message), it will take you 45 minutes of squeezing through a sea of sweaty people chatting poli-sci before you even reach the “bar” (which is actually just a dresser). We’re not trying to kill your mood, we’re just being honest.

    So, here’s a few things to keep in mind when you’re searching for a place to sport your new crop top or Vineyard Vines salmon shorts, (but, Dean Dingman help us, not your lanyards).

    In essence, every final club is the exact same arrangement of individuals a little too dressed up for a glorified frat party and music that stopped being good two months ago. Also, you are not special for getting in. If you loiter outside the Spee for 35 minutes, you’ll eventually find a window to sneak in. That is, unless you identify as a male, then good luck kid, it’s not going to happen. Don’t you dare consider skewing the ratio. You can find Citrus-flavor Rubinoff somewhere else.

    If you think this dorm party is going to be different, it won’t be, especially if it’s hosted by your freshman entryway’s resident bros. After the 40th person crams themselves into a closet-sized double, the dreaded proc-knock is only moments away. Not to mention, you’ll have to keep running into that kid you made out with on the First Chance Dance floor and you’re not very good at avoiding eye contact. If—no, when—the party inevitably ends at 11 p.m., stop by El Jefe’s to at least end the evening on a positive note.

    You will go to the quad for a party, and the round-trip travel time will amount to more than the actual time spent partying. This is a guarantee. Also, the shuttle is an urban legend that cannot be trusted.

    Freshman Fall is when you will have the most motivation to go out. As it gets colder, your tolerance gets higher, and classes get harder, your will to party will die a slow, painful death. So, don’t get too frustrated now. Take whatever dubs you can get. Remember, it’s not the parties you go to, but the friends (or mobs of fellow party-thirsty freshmen) you meet along the way.

    Godspeed,

    Flyby

    Fall Comp, Made Simple

    Still fishing around for extracurriculars to get involved with here at Harvard? Have no fear, Flyby's got a handy visual to help you figure out what club you're best suited for. (Hint: Comp Flyby!)

    Comp Flyby
    Didn't make it into the clubs of your dreams? Never fear, Flyby is here.


    Which Consulting Firm Are You?


    With campus recruiting gearing up, Harvard's juniors and seniors (and a few forward-thinking sophomores) are wondering which consulting firm will be the best fit. We might be able to help you narrow it down. We're obviously big fans of consulting!

    What’s your concentration?

    A) Econ/Statistics with a Gov secondary

    B) Applied Math

    C) Gov/Social Studies

    D) Folklore and Mythology


    What attracted you to the consulting career path?

    A) Power and prestige of the high-end lifestyle

    B) "I just really enjoy the problem solving."

    C) The crushing burden of parental expectations

    D) "I died inside a long time ago."

    What do you like to do in your free time?

    A) Have raucous dining hall debates with my blockmates about which punch events to attend.

    B) Engage in titillating intellectual discourse at the fifth networking lunch I've attended this semester

    C) Lie to my legacy dad about making the first round of cuts of the Advocate comp

    D) Binge-drink instead of attend my Ec 1011a section because 20% on a final is a B+ anyways, am I right?

    What dream did you abandon after comparing industry starting salaries?

    A) Running for office

    B) Curing cancer

    C) Making your family proud

    D) Maintaining a decent level of self-respect

    What is your special skill?

    A) Convincing people to take the high road so there’s more room for me on the low road

    B) Endlessly spinning my objectively brilliant common app essay that got me a likely letter

    C) Name-dropping Exeter

    D) Wasting my potential by indulging in self-destructive tendencies like pre-gaming so hard I never make it to Harvard-Yale.

    Results:

    Mostly As - McKinsey & Company

    Congratulations, you’re a bona fide winner who’s probably at the top of the socioeconomic food chain already! Your idea of “meritocracy” likely consists of having good friends in better places. Your favorite movies are “Wolf of Wall Street” and “American Psycho.” You probably defended the men’s soccer team and the Delphic despite being a “feminist” who’s totally for “letting hot chicks” into the Fly. You realize your charm is in your privilege and you’re not afraid to use it to strive for greatness! Good for you!

    Mostly Bs - The Boston Consulting Group

    You’re a really smart sellout destined to apply your knowledge and skills to making the world a better place for people like you . You were the only freshman at the HBS panel and the only sophomore in your Ec 1126 section. You research cases for fun and got into HFAC and HCCG. You closed your nonprofit (which provided free copies of the New Yorker to underprivileged waiting rooms) the second you got into Harvard. You know you could be the next Einstein or Hawkins but your money fetish still got the best of you. So here you are, raising your hand section kid-style at a recruiting event.

    Mostly Cs - Bain & Company

    You hate yourself because your dad never hugged you but you still force a smile and try to maintain the facade of success. Although you're doing pretty well, you know you’ll never be good enough for your Mayflower family and overachiever friends, so you settle for being 3rd best.

    Mostly Ds - Deloitte Consulting

    You’re no one's first choice but you’re still better than non-Ivy leaguers. Setting your bar so low satisfies you because you’re nothing but a hollow shell of your former self. You aim for second-tier firms because your OCS advisor said you’re not on target to become a “competitive applicant.” Eventually you’ll have a panic when you’re actually expected to do all of the things you exaggerated about in your resume.

    Have Spotify Premium? Now You Have Hulu as Well

    In what may be the greatest collab since Nelly Furtado and Timbaland, Spotify and Hulu have made a joint deal for students, in which you can get BOTH subscriptions for $4.99 a month.

    That means not only will your shower jams be blissfully commercial free with Premium, but you can finally binge-watch acclaimed Hulu originals like the Handmaid’s Tale and the Mindy Project. If you already have Spotify Premium for Students, you’re good to go just by activating Hulu. Same goes for vice versa: if you have Hulu, you can merge it with your Spotify account.

    Happy streaming!

    P.S: Now you don't have any excuse. Subscribe to Flyby's Spotify account and look out for our next playlist!

    The Most Obscure Clubs at Harvard


    While Harvard students are often conservative with their extracurricular choices, sticking to the usual debate and finance, there are a bunch of lesser-known, quirky clubs that could seriously enrich your campus experience. We rounded up the most interesting obscure campus organizations, appealing to everyone from self-proclaimed wine moms to beekeeping wannabees (too bad there is no Harvard Pun Society).

    Harvard College Magicians Society

    Salty that Hogwarts doesn't accept the ACT? Want to woo a potential bae à la Gob Bluth from Arrested Development? Skillful with your hands? The Magicians Society at Harvard is open to anyone interested in illusions, from absolute beginners to aurors. Just stay out of Salem, Mass. will you?

    Email: harvardmagicianssociety@gmail.com

    Harvard College Wine Society

    Claiming that the mission of the club is to “re-establish the European tradition of respecting and revering wine,” this extremely bougie-sounding club organizes several wine tastings and “wine and cheese pairing events” throughout the semester in order to “cultivate an appreciation and understanding of wine.” The real purpose of the club is obvious to us though—who wouldn’t use Harvard’s funding to get hammered?

    Email: info.harvardwine.org

    Harvard Undergraduate Beekeepers

    Do not confuse this wholesome organization with a certain social clique that has recently merged with the Delphic.

    Email: harvardbeekeepers@gmail.com

    Harvard College Association for the Promotion of Interplanetary Expansion

    Members of this organization are basically done with this planet (who would blame them tho?) and are actively trying to relocate to a Solar System without the threat of an impending nuclear holocaust or seeing Yalies naked again. So, if you’re ready to move on from our sad little Earth, join the company of these advocates for “human settlements on other planets.”

    Email: HAPIEcontact@gmail.com

    Lowell House Society of Russian Bell Ringers at Harvard College

    Do you like being cursed by Lowell residents? Do you have an acute interest in needing hearing aids by graduation? Then this winner of the “most obscure club title ever” is here to satisfy all of your bell-ringing needs.

    Email: bells-list@lists.hcs.harvard.edu

    Harvard College Cube Club

    “For anyone interested in the art of Cubing.” What is Cubing? Does it even matter if it sounds this cool?

    Email: ccubed@hcs.harvard.edu

    Good luck on finding your ~dream~ club, and remember that if every other conventional organization rejects you this semester, you have these to fall back onto.

    What Even is Left in Harvard Square?

    Harvard Square at Night
    Even after the sun sets, Harvard Square bustles with activity.

    In case you haven't noticed yet, Harvard Square is not what it used to be. It seems like every other week we're screaming RIP after another Square staple randomly shutters. We’ve lost some fan favorites (everything other than Boloco) as well as some places whose presence never made sense (Boloco).

    So, where are we supposed to go for all of our shopping needs when we don't want to leave the Harvard Bubble? Lucky for you, w’re experts at adventure—ask us about our study abroad—so we’ve checked out all the options for you.

    Pressed Juicery

    In case you’re sad about Pinkberry leaving, Pressed is probably close to the same thing. Except, in liquid form. TBH I’ve never been to Pinkberry or even met anyone who ever has, so I do not know what we’re comparing to. But if you’re in the market for a very expensive fruit-themed drink, Pressed seems like the place to be.

    Fjällräven Kanken

    Do you need a fancy-ass backpack? Want to match all the trendy kids who definitely can’t fit all of their books in their bags? Check out Fjällräven on Church St. And, bonus, you can check out the little Dunks and the empty place that used to be American Apparel. Mostly go to Dunks.

    Sweetgreen

    Opened last semester, but just a reminder that it is AMAZING. Certainly a bougie option, but if you’re going out to eat, think about checking it out. Finally, a place that makes healthy taste good.

    Zambrero

    So this technically isn’t open yet, but this is another burrito place opening up in the Square. Fingers crossed these are nectar-of-the-gods level burritos, because there’s no way there’s room for another mediocre burrito place in the Square.

    For more info, especially @freshmen, check out our welcome back Cheap Eats series and stay tuned because our only interest on this campus is food.

    Five Questions We Asked Ourselves in Cambridge This Summer

    Summer in Cambridge
    A summer day in Harvard Yard.

    After spending a good three months in Cambridge this summer, Flyby has had a lot of time to reflect on Harvard’s hometown. The following are some questions (of varying importance) that we found ourselves asking.

    What is Cambridge without Harvard? What is Harvard without Cambridge?

    Cantabrigians love to say that Cambridge exists beyond Harvard. But is it really true that if University President Drew G. Faust were to pack up the Yard, put it in her back pocket, and hit the road, the city would remain the same? When people think of Cambridge, their first thought isn’t the Porter Square T Station or Longfellow House. They think of Harvard University, with its brick buildings and crimson scarves (or MIT, if they’re nerds). So, this summer, we had to ask ourselves what Cambridge really means without the briefcased professors and exhausted students.

    While the greater Boston area has its fair share of summer activities (which you’ve hopefully read about on Flyby every week), events that actually take place in Cambridge often revolve around Harvard or MIT. Cambridge is a college town, albeit not your typical college town. Our ultimate conclusion, though, is that just as Cambridge is inescapably tied to Harvard, without Cambridge, Harvard might not have Felipe’s (among other things that a functioning city government and solid infrastructure allow). So, it’s a mutually symbiotic relationship.

    Are tourists who wear matching gear better or worse than normally dressed tourists?

    Worse. Definitely worse.

    What are the pros and cons of riding the T?

    There’s nothing like the moment when the AC hits you as you clamber aboard a bus you’ve been chasing, the feeling when there isn’t a line to add money to your CharlieCard, the painful-but-endearing screech of the train as the Red Line hurtles from Central into Harvard. But are these fleeting instances of satisfaction with the MBTA worth making a habit of riding the bus/train?

    After all, the MBTA gives us the Green Line. That speaks for itself. Maybe the biggest blessings are in the little things, then, like the view of the Boston skyline as the Red Line crosses the Longfellow Bridge—there’s a transitory beauty to this perspective of the Charles, a perspective unique to a ride on the T.

    Is the choice to take the T a simple matter of necessity, or does our decision to (somewhat begrudgingly) participate in a flawed system say something deeper about who we are? We haven’t found the answer to this one yet, but it’s food for thought next time you’re making a commute with the MBTA.

    What have we accomplished since June?

    Very little.

    Is Cambridge a good place to spend the summer?

    When you’re spending your summer in Cambridge, you’re not really just spending your summer in Cambridge. No city is an island—we’re surrounded by towns and linked by colonial history, a common spirit, and the T. What is Cambridge if not next to Boston? What is Boston without Brookline? What is Brookline’s purpose if JFK isn’t mentioned every few blocks? As Carl Sagan once said, we are all connected.

    So our answer to this one is a definite yes—where else can you leave the gates of Harvard, sail the Charles, and take a walk through history, all in one sunny day? If you stay here for the summer, you’d be surprised by what you might learn about the greater Boston area...and maybe even about yourself.

    Flyby's Declassified: Harvard Survival Guide

    Harvard is a weird, sometimes inscrutable place. We're here to help you survive it.

    Check back every day this week for a new addition to our fall series "Flyby's Declassified." (If you don't get the reference, please read up on your early-2000s comedy shows).

    We're bringing you definitions of some of the terms you'll hear everyday at Harvard. With our special commentary, of course :).

    First in the series: there's more to life than the Square. These are all the places you need to know about to get through your first year at Harvard.

    Flyby's Declassified: Places Edition

    There's more to life than Harvard Square. Here's every place in Cambridge and Boston that you're likely to encounter in your four years here:

    Gold Coast Gate
    Adams House's gate.

    Adams House:

    Faux-pretentious, overrated upperclassman House located close to the Yard. The adopted dining hall of many Quadlings and Wigglesworthians—those who can get past the armed butlers with megaphones and attack poodles, that is.

    All the theater kids are in Adams.”

    Allston:

    The current home of Harvard’s athletic facilities and Business School. Future home of part of Harvard’s engineering school. Also the home of Blanchard’s, king of kegs (and painfully cheap gin). It’s an area (allegedly) infested with rats after Harvard dug a humongous hole and then abandoned it due to budget constraints.

    Is Harvard ever going to finish building the new SEAS complex?”

    Annenberg (also ‘Berg,’ ‘the Berg’)

    This freshman-only dining hall is Harvard’s version of the Great Hall from “Harry Potter,” sans floating candles. The Berg is your first peek into HUDS’s culinary exploits, and the sight of many a CEB-sponsored party. Go often enough, and you can befriend John, the only good soul in this cold, terrible world. But go there too often, and you’ll run into last night’s hookup in the breakfast line.

    “Meet you at C12 in the Berg for dinner tonight, please don't be late and make me look like a sad, stood-up loser.”

    Border Café (also “Border’)

    A cozy, delicious Tex-Mex eatery tucked behind the COOP on the corner of Church and Palmer. Go here for burritos that don’t taste like greasy fast food but are still pretty easy on the wallet. It’s the best place to pretend that your 11:30 p.m. hunger is actually a classy late meal.

    “I’m taking my parents out to dinner but I’m craving a quesadilla and I’m close to broke...so Border it is!”

    Boston

    Where you tell people you go to school. The city you claim made you choose Harvard over Yale. 13 minutes from Harvard on the Red Line, but still a place you will rarely visit in your four years here.

    I go to a small liberal arts college in Boston.”

    Cabot House

    Quad House featuring large suites and abundant singles. Conveniently located next to an elementary school full of screaming kids at 8 a.m. Home of the Khurana family.

    I saw Rakesh in Cabot’s dhall yesterday. He was giving out ice cream.”

    Cabot Library

    Don't let the name mislead you—this place is neither in Cabot House nor really what you'd call a "library" anymore. Freshly renovated in 2017, Cabot is the ideal hangout for caffeine-dependent science concentrators, with its many study spaces, Clover coffee bar, and plenty of printers for all those Mathematica results you'll definitely forget about until your pre-Math section trip to Annenberg.

    “Ugh, they replaced Greenhouse Cafe with Clover in Cabot Library. Where am I going to get my afternoon pizza?”

    Cambridge Common:

    Grassy knoll separating the Quad from the rest of civilization. Steer clear at night to avoid being mugged and/or stabbed (Seriously). It’s a nice park during the day though! Also the name of a bar on Mass. Ave. popular with Quadlings.

    We’ll get to the Quad faster if we cut through Cambridge Common.”

    Central Square:

    One T-stop down Mass. Ave. The commercialized, wannabe cousin of Harvard Square.

    They just put a City Target in Central Square.”

    Coop

    Where tourists (and susceptible freshmen) go to buy overpriced Harvard sweatshirts and key chains. Where you will stand in line for hours at the beginning of each semester to buy overpriced textbooks. Where you will never go once you realize eBay and Amazon are a hell of a lot cheaper. Rhymes with “loop,” not “blow-pop.”

    “I just waited in line at the Coop and they don’t even have my textbook. I’m pissed.”

    Co-op:

    Mispronunciation of the Coop (see Coop). Harvard's alternative accommodations for those who find the housing system “restrictive,” complete with naked cooking and rampant tobacco use. Just kidding. Or are we?

    Did you hear about Betsy? She joined to Co-op after ditching Cabot House, said it was a more interesting residential experience.”

    Cornell University

    Cornell is an Ivy League school in Ithaca, NY, and the butt of many not-actually-an-Ivy jokes. They seriously ripped off Harvard when they decided to refer to their sports teams as ‘Cornell Big Red.’ Only relevant about four times a year.

    “In my country, no one’s heard of Cornell.”

    Currier House:

    House in the Quad whose dining hall resembles that of a nursing home. Still, it’s a house with plenty of party spaces and plenty of parties to fill them. Home to the much-coveted Ten-Man suite.

    Are you going to Heaven and Hell? It’s in Currier.”

    DeWolfe

    Conveniently located overflow housing for students in various River Houses. Comes complete with a TV, dishwasher, refrigerator, bathtub, and bay windows. This year, some extremely lucky freshman will live there.

    Wanna hang out in my dorm in DeWolfe? It has air-conditioning.”

    Dudley House

    The “House” affiliation for the small percentage of students who live off-campus.

    Where is Dudley House?” “Everywhere.”

    Dunster House:

    Formerly known as “Dumpster House,” a nickname it’s shed since a swanky renovation made its dining hall very Annenberg-esque. The building featured on every postcard that you will send home.

    All the athletes eat in Dunster, I hear.”

    Eliot House:

    Where Unabomber Theodore J. Kaczynski ’62 spent his formative years. Home of Fête, the best formal at Harvard. Its clock tower has probably had a better movie career than Matt Damon. Historically known for its preppy population, now famous for its ridiculous social budget.

    Can you sneak me into Eliot’s formal? I hear it’s amazing.”

    El Jefe’s

    A well-known Mexican eatery located on Mt. Auburn Street, known for its burritos and quesadillas. Slightly cheaper than Felipe’s, it’s the perfect 3 a.m. drunk safe space.

    “Hey, want to go to El Jefe’s?”“Sure, let me just finish this last tequila shot”

    Fenway Park:

    Home field of the Boston Red Sox, perennial rivals of the New York Yankees. Go now—and leave your Yankees cap at home.

    What are they singing at Fenway Park?” “Sweet Caroline. Duh.”

    Felipe’s

    Harvard Square’s most popular late-night answer to Mexican cuisine cravings. You’ll always order their burritos when you should be ordering their tacos and nachos. Occasionally the location of the Undergraduate Council’s Club 1636.

    Kirkland House

    Small house that hosts the annual Incest Fest (ask around). Former home of Harvard dropout Mark Zuckerberg. Frequently confused with Eliot House by freshmen.

    Dude, Zuckerberg stopped by his old room in Kirkland House during Commencement.”

    J.P. Licks

    The best ice cream in Harvard Square. Claims it has the best hot chocolate too, but that’s debatable. If it’s warm outside, the line will be super long. Also serves coffee to undergraduates for a little under $2, any size.

    The Kong:

    The Hong Kong restaurant on Mass. Ave. Heaven for those who love bar fights and MSG. The source of that pain in your stomach the morning after the night you can’t remember

    I only eat Kong when I’m drunk.”

    Hemenway (“The Hem”)

    One of Harvard’s gyms located on the Law School campus. A veritable testosterone fest. Muscle tanks strongly encouraged on the lifting floor.

    “About to go pump some iron at the Hem. Anyone want to ball after?”

    Lamont Library:

    The most social place to study, Lamont offers comfy chairs and textbooks 24/5 on reserve for all those readings you missed; too bad no studying will ever occur here. Home of the Lamont Cafe, which is almost like a student center, but not really.

    Leverett House:

    Home to the famous 80s dance. The only house where students have to cross the street to get to their own dining hall. The mascot is a bunny, and yes, their yard is infested with live ones.

    I hear the Leverett House Faculty Deans are serving Monkey Bread today.”

    Longwood:

    Boston neighborhood home to Harvard Medical School and the Museum of Fine Arts. Where swine flu infiltrated Harvard; the Dental School will never be the same. A half-hour’s ride away on the free M2 bus. What you will curse when you realize the one book you really need is at Countway Library.

    Longwood!? Seriously? Damn it, Harvard.”

    Lowell House:

    Lacking in views and space, Lowell House residents pay a severe price for that quaint “Harvard” look. They have some important bells, or something. Or had. It’s being renovated now, so its residents are in swing. Serves a ‘banging tea every Thursday.

    I live for Lowell Tea.”

    Mass. Hall:

    Yard building home to the offices of the University President and other central administration bureaucrats, and a few unlucky freshmen. Prepare yourself for quiet evenings alone.

    We hear Divest blockaded Mass. Hall.”

    Mather House
    Mather House is located at 10 Cowperthwaite Street.

    Mather House:

    The riot-proof monstrosity designed by a prison architect, housing a delusionally-spirited student population. They wear head-bands. Dorms are almost completely singles, hence the sex puns you'll see on housing day. We're pretty sure unappealing architecture is a turn-off for most, though.

    “I hear they have a lot of sex.”

    Pforzheimer House

    A nice place to visit, but you wouldn’t want to walk there. Home to the Bell Tower and other good party spots that you will drunkenly make your way to and from during freshman year.

    I hear there’s a cool party in the Bell Tower tonight.” “Ew, freshmen.”

    The Queen’s Head:

    Short for The Cambridge Queen’s Head Pub, the surprisingly not-awful drinking hole under Annenberg complete with three-dollar draughts, tasty snacks, and a lot of old Harvardian stuff on the wall that no one, at least of all the staff, really understands.

    Quincy House:

    Nicknamed “The People’s House” because of its (formerly) open access dining hall. Convenient location, loud parties, hideous architecture. Great late-night grille. Home of the pimpest Masters’ Residence ever and an annual game of assassins.

    Someone’s playing Assassins in the Quincy courtyard. They’re naked."

    Radcliffe:

    Formerly Harvard’s sister, women’s , it now claims just a few women’s sports teams—referred to as the “Black and White,” not the “Crimson”—and an “Institute for Advanced Study” to its name.

    Radcliffe’s yard is so much nicer than the rest of the campus.”

    Sanders:

    Short for Sanders Theatre, the large space tucked behind Annenberg. Where you will occasionally attend Ec 10 lectures, speeches, and concerts. And nap. Where a capella groups subject you to three-hour-plus concerts. Anyone, anyone?

    I’m heading over to see the Pitches perform in Sanders. Wanna come?” “Nah, I’m still scarred from Ec10 freshman year. Avoiding that place like the plague.”

    Stanford

    The community college of Palo Alto that vaguely looks like a pseudo-Mexican restaurant located in the middle of a big dusty farm. Stanford is known for it's deader than Blockbuster social life, cheating students and tiny endowment.

    “Screw Stanford, Pick Harvard”

    The Oval
    The Oval, a floral garden that features the cardinal "S" logo of Stanford University, marks the official visual entrance to the campus.

    Tatte

    Overpriced pastry place that replaced our beloved Panera Bread. You will grumble about the prices. You will still eat there. The line will be out the door.

    RIP Panera.”

    UHS

    University Health Services. Not a good place to go when you’re healthy, some say. Not a good place to go when you’re sick, others say. Will most definitely ask you if you’re pregnant. Or drunk. Or both. Especially if you’re a guy.

    I told UHS I was bleeding internally and they gave me allergy medicine.” “How’d you know you were bleeding internally? “I’m a pre-med.”

    Vanserg:

    Classroom building home to most Japanese, Chinese, and Korean classes, and some Ec 10 sections, if you’re unlucky. Farther than the Quad.

    Gah, I have section in Vanserg.”

    Widener Library

    Titanic library built in memory of a Titanic drowning victim. Home to the stacks, where students go to pore over books. Yup, nothing but readin’ in these stacks.

    “You want to go study in Widener?” “I’m not that desperate.”

    Winthrop House

    Inhabited by generations of Kennedys. A breach in the space-time continuum where bedrooms can actually be smaller than Harvard-issued beds. Or at least it used to be. Winthrop got new digs last year, so we’ll see what people have to say about it.

    Yale:

    School spirit? Check! Deep-seated inferiority complex? Check! A safety school for Harvard rejects located in a dodgy urban area of Connecticut. This unaccredited university is known for stealing from Harvard (CS50, their motto “Lux et Veritas,” and mumps), producing the second worst U.S. president, and accepting students with exhibionist tendencies.

    “Bart: Do you know what it's like to be second-best at anything?” “Lisa: Yeah, I do! I'm going to Yale!”

    ---

    Enjoyed this? Check back over the next week as we declassify Harvard's odd lingo. Next up: the people you need to know at Harvard.

    Did we miss something? Email us at flyby@thecrimson.com and we'll update this list!

    Oh, The Students You'll Meet

    Tercentenary Theater Commencement 2016
    Yep. A lot of people go to Harvard.

    ­All ye uninitiated take heed: Harvard is filled with a variety of gigantic, conflicting personalities, and how they manage to coexist in an environment this competitive remains an open question. (Alcohol may be involved.) New residents of this ever-surprising urban jungle must learn to recognize each of the tropes they’ll encounter and how to avoid the worst of the lot. Aren’t you glad you have Flyby to help?

    THE CONFESSED PRE-MED

    This is the person who asked your proctor whether he could petition to take five classes in the fall. He wants to get a secondary and a language citation and study abroad junior year. He will do anything to get you to reveal your midterm grades, and no matter what you say he will respond by putting in extra hours at Lamont.

    The Pre-Med in its natural habitat: in front of a white board, working through a jumble of formulas indecipherable to the lay student.

    Junior year he may start a club, which you will hear about over every email list you had the misfortune of signing up for. Do not sit with this person at Sunday brunch, because they will likely have gone on a run, set up an experiment at their HMS lab, and started a study group while you were still hitting the snooze button.

    Useful Phrases: “Organic chemistry in the summer vs. organic chemistry during the school year: Go!” “No, really, my P.I. is the worst.” “How do you feel about the standard deviation on the midterms?” “My parents think this is a really good thing for me.”

    Note: There is a subset of this species who are still in denial about their identity, and will not admit to being pre-med—even when cornered with an organic chemistry exam in their hand. They will attempt to disguise their identity by adopting slouchy clothes or shaggy hair or talking about how much of a slacker they are. Do not be fooled.

    THE FERVENT ACTIVIST

    After this person takes Societies of the World 25 freshman fall, you will have to sit through many dinner conversations about Paul Farmer. They join countless Facebook groups against hunger, poverty, and homelessness, and may even spend their summers in a country where they can experience all of the above. They might start wearing only organic, chemical-free clothing and get testy with the grill guy at Annenberg when he gives them non cage-free eggs.


    After they take Social Studies 10 sophomore year, all the words in their vocabulary will grow a couple of syllables. Get ready to hear about the proto-fascistic nature of socially constructed heteronormative gender structures.

    Useful phrases: “I think development is all about sustainability.” “But do you think this situation really exemplifies the Hegelian master-slave dialectic?” “What would Paul Farmer say about that?” “I just think that’s a really Western-centric—maybe even heteronormative—way of putting it.”

    THE LITERARY TYPE

    This person manages to wear a scarf in a different way each day, though they haven’t showered since Easter. By your third week they will have ranked all of Harvard Square’s cafes, a list on which Café Pamplona will rank high (hipster!) and Dunkin’ Donuts will rank low (low-brow!). They will comp The Advocate and ask you if they are more of a “fiction” or “features” type of person, and you will have to make up an answer to that question.

    Literary Discussion
    The literary type will attend everything book talk at the Harvard Book Store.

    Talking about your favorite books, movies, or music is always a dangerous endeavor with this person (prepare for feelings of inferiority). To play it safe, you would do well to make up a highly specific genre of music from a foreign country (e.g. 1950s Venezuelan jazz).

    Useful phrases: “I wish Annenberg would invest in better coffee.” “Frankly, I much prefer Franzen’s earlier work.” “I just finished reading this wonderful piece in the New Yorker.”

    THE FINAL CLUB BRO

    You will not see this person sophomore fall because they are punching four clubs, and you will not see this person junior fall because they are punching four investment banks. They may talk of how their club is not like the “other clubs” that give everyone a bad name. They’ll tell you it’s just a bunch of nice dudes who like to have some beers together without the chicks around (except after midnight). This person has a great haircut and great shoes, both of which may or may not have been paid for by daddy’s credit card.

    Useful phrases: “I just flew in from New York.” “Brah, when I was at Groton/Andover/Exeter…” “Sweet Sperry’s.” “I was just reading in the Journal that going forward Goldman might be hiring less.”

    THE HOCO MEMBER

    This person will bother you about playing IMs until you start to avoid them in the dining hall. This will be difficult, because they are always in there, more or less taking up residence in the d-hall. They are also the only one who knows the name of the kid on the 2nd floor in Math 55.

    The person who’s always trying to organize an outing, a picnic, or a game of ultimate frisbee, the future HoCo (house committee) member is the one who’s trying to make the best of a bad situation—namely, Harvard’s social scene. This is a person you are likely to develop a love-hate relationship with as it takes a special type of personality to organize an ice cream social for 300 people who barely remember your name.

    Useful phrases: “You know, I would love to help decorate for formal, but I have this exam tomorrow…” “Themes?! Ohmygod! I love themes.” “You had me at cookie decorating.” “I live for stein club.”

    Dude, That's Rude: Back From Study Abroad

    Cinque Terre
    Do NOT post this Cinque Terre pic on Instagram—we've seen it so many times that we feel like we've been there too.

    Ah, the sweet sound of back-to-school dining hall chatter. So optimistic, so upbeat. And yet, there are some individuals who have the ability to destroy the sanctity of this safe space: looking at you, summer study abroad students. We get it, you had a great time and drank a lot of alcohol. But please, turn the enthusiasm down a notch by following these basic guidelines:

    “When I was in (insert European country here)…”

    Whatever you do, avoid starting your sentences this way. Whatever follows is bound to make your peers unnecessarily jealous. Furthermore, we just don’t care about every detail of your European lifestyle. Keep your thoughts on the virtues of long dinners starting at 9 p.m. to yourself.

    Excessive throwback Instagramming

    You clogged up our feeds all summer, so give it a rest during the school year. We do not need to see your bikini pics from exotic Mediterranean destinations. It’s time to get back to term-time social media posts that we know and love—we’re talking 60’s pics with Crimson Key.

    Ditching your friends for your study abroad friends

    We’re tired of the excuse that only your study abroad friends get what you “went through,” like it was some shared trauma that merits a survivor group. We were your friends before you became a cool European, and that should count for something.

    Eschewing traditional college fun for more ~cultured~ options

    Do you think you’re too classy for beer pong these days now that you’ve done a few wine tastings? Don’t trade out red solo cups for stem-less wine glasses. This is college, let’s maintain some basic level of grossness. It’s only right. Save the $20 bottles of wine for your future consulting lifestyle.

    Taking only three classes because you have extra class credits

    It is somewhat of a joke that parading around France counts for two Harvard classes, but that’s how it is. If you’re one of the lucky returners from study abroad, you have the luxury of ditching that fourth class that’s too hard. But please, keep your happiness (and schedule) to yourself. We’re already jealous enough.

    We know you had fun. We know you’re a “changed person”. But we’re already tired of hearing it. So if you catch yourself making any of these post-study abroad mistakes, don’t be surprised if we say to you: dude, that’s rude.

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