The blog of The Harvard Crimson

Darty Season: Pros and Cons

It’s almost summer (fingers crossed), and that can only mean one thing: darty season. Whether you’re looking to enjoy the end of spring on campus instead of studying for finals, or you’re looking ahead to post-finals freedom, we see a few darties in your future. We love a good darty, but like everything in life, there are tradeoffs.

Pro: Think of the possibilities…

The daytime allows for a lot more excitement in terms of party themes and activities. We’re talking pool parties, barbeques (who doesn’t love to chill and grill?), and maybe even some spike ball (or Frisbee throwing—both equally amazing bro activities).

Con: No time for homework, or literally anything else

We don’t like to admit it, but we go to Harvard, and most of us are try-hards. A darty takes up most of the day and renders the rest of the day useless due to the post-darty daze. We like to stick to parties at night so that we can spend the day grinding through psets.

Pro: New frontier of party outfits

Did someone say Coachella? There’s something special about outfits on hot summer days that just can’t be replicated at night—we’re talking crochet crop tops and bucket hats—so darties help us diversify our party fashion. Do it for the Instagram, as they say, since Vine is dead.

Con: Actually dead by 8 p.m.

If you went to Yardfest (and began drinking mid-afternoon), you know exactly what we’re talking about. It’s very hard to rally once the alcohol and adrenaline wears off, so the choice to darty is the choice to not party that night. You’d hate to miss out on the fun the evening could hold because you passed out just after sunset.

Pro: More sunlight=more tanning time

It’s productive to make friends, have fun, and get tanned all at the same time, right? For those of us looking to replace our winter selves with a glossier, sun-kissed summer version, the darty is the ideal place to wear minimal clothing and get maximal sun exposure.

Con: We can’t rely on Boston weather

Since we’re still struggling to battle through a few cold days in April, how can we expect to have weather good enough for a darty? It’s impossible to plan a darty in advance because we can’t know if it’ll be 80 degrees and sunny or thunder-snowing, which can be quite the deal breaker for a good darty.

The jury is still out on this form of partying, but we recommend that you check one out for yourself before loving or hating darties altogether.

Close Encounters of the Bird Kind

Hard to believe, but it’s nearly May. There’s no disputing the fact that spring is here—or at least, it will be as soon as the rain clears away for good. But it turns out there’s a hidden danger to darty weather that none of us could ever have anticipated. Predators can be camouflaged in the most innocent of places…

Harvard Turkey
A turkey wanders around Harvard Yard.

MassWildlife has issued a warning about creatures that will have you locking your doors and windows—flocks of wild turkeys. You read that right. Hide yo’ kids, hide yo' wives, because it’s turkey breeding season and aggressive turkeys everywhere will not hesitate to, um, “strut their stuff.” "How does this affect little old me in my cozy Harvard dorm?" you might be asking. Well, MassWildlife says that turkeys often attack humans that they see as “low in the pecking order.”

Harvard nerds. That’s right.

Stay vigilant. Turkeys don’t discriminate between engineering nerds and Hist & Lit nerds when seeking out prey. Turkeys don’t care if you’re just trying to make it back to your room after a night of cramming. And turkeys especially don’t give a hoot about your Goldman Sachs internship. Beware the shadows lurking in the street corners, especially those of the avian sort. They can smell your fear. When you show up, humiliated and thoroughly pecked, to your next class, everyone will know that turkeys think you’re inferior.

Most Harvard students adore the Harvard turkey, who is something of a campus celebrity. But we advise that you stay well away from our feathery friend until the fall comes around again. Being pecked is simply not worth a selfie.

What’s that, you say? The Harvard turkey would never do such a thing? On your own head be it. Sometimes the person you’d take a bullet for is the one that pulls the trigger.

Alternative Punch Events for the 21st Century Final Club

Strip clubs and dolla bills? Seems a little trite to us. In not-so-breaking news, the Delphic paid $350 for strippers at a punch event back in 2010. Although this cost came “before tips and extracurriculars,” it seems a little low—they couldn’t get more expensive exotic dancers? Granted, the company name “Shamrock Entertainment” evokes an image of a beer-gutted Bostonian sipping a thick green shamrock shake more than high-class eroticism.

The Delphic Club (center) is one of Harvard's eight all-male final clubs.

Of course, decorum and leadership could have changed within the Delphic since the racy occasion. To give them the benefit of the doubt, 2010 was a notably poor-taste year for all of us, marred by Bieber hair and jeggings. In case they haven’t quite learned from their mistakes, Flyby has some advice for Final Clubs on punch event activities that aren’t ripped right out of a 1920s playbook:

Topiary Trimming

Initiate punchers with an afternoon of garden grooming. The hedgery outside the Linden Street house could use some TLC, and what better way for a couple dudes to bond than over aesthetic horticulture? Why “play Edward 40-hands” when you could pay homage to the classic film with some landscaping?

Pin the Tail on the Donkey

The blindfolds, the tease, the intrigue. This childhood classic poses as a sexy substitute. Offer up the first slice of ice cream cake as a reward for a successful pin. Ogling the celebratory cake at the end of the game and chasing some pin-up donkey tail? Perfect PG13 fun!

Pony Rides

$325 (under budget!) covers 120 pony rides for up to 50 children to make for a wholesome evening. Do the math, that’s 2-3 rides per (man)child!

Nota Bene: Not the same type of riding advertised by Shamrock Entertainment.

Harvard Square's Best Gluten-Free Eats

With the pitiful range of options at HUDS, a big appetite, and a small budget, life is hard out here for a gluten free college gal. While my allergy prevents me from devouring Noch’s or Kong, luckily, Harvard Square presents a variety of eateries which cater to a gluten-free diet. Here are my top picks, all of which I’ve sampled these past two semesters:

For Pizza - Just Crust

Just Crust takes the prize with its goldilocks greasiness, thinner crust, and overall texture and taste. Often gluten-free dough falls between the extremes of burnt-and-bland cardboard or undercooked cardboard, but Just Crust gets it just right. Places like Domino’s and Otto’s only offer full gluten free pizzas, usually with disappointing diameters and for upwards of $13. Just Crust, on the other hand, allows one to satisfy their pizza cravings at a cheaper per-slice price.

For Mexican - Border Cafe

Corn tortillas or chips naturally do not contain wheat, making Mexican places normally a typically safe option for gluten-free folks. Unfortunately, square favorites like Felipe’s and Jefe’s contaminate these options by sharing surfaces and fryers with flour tortillas, making them iffy or dangerous for those with allergies. But Border Cafe takes extra care with preparing your food, so you can be sure your corn tortilla tacos are good to go. Most importantly, the overflowing baskets of still-warm chips brought to your table throughout the meal are fried separately, so you don’t have to feel too guilty about filling up before you’ve even looked at the menu. An honorable mention goes to Chipotle, which falls in “Mexican” territory but is really in a league of its own.

For a Sit-Down Dinner - Beat Brasserie

Favorite dishes include “Luxe” pulled-pork nachos, shrimp tacos, and ‘Fall Off the Bone’ baby back ribs. With pricier menu items, dim lighting, and live music, it’s the perfect spot to have your parents or friends treat you to on a special occasion.

For Dessert - J.P. Lick’s

Most J.P. Lick’s ice cream flavors are naturally gluten-free, and its cheery atmosphere and proximity can’t be beat. Everyone, your non gluten-free friends included, likes J.P. Licks, so you can accommodate your dietary needs (yes, ice cream is a need) and won’t have to force your gluten-eating friends out of their comfort zone. An honorable mention goes to Sweet Bakery, which always has a couple gluten free options like cupcakes or brownies, brought in from dedicated gluten-free facilities.

And if you’re feeling adventurous...check out these places ~beyond Harvard square~

Mr. Crepe - Davis Square

Gluten free sweet and savory crepes!

Tavern in the Square - Central Square, Porter Square

Clearly marked “gf” menu items include nachos, fancy pizzas, burgers and sandwiches with gluten free buns, and safely-fried french fries, tater tots, and onion rings!

Thelonius Monkfish - Central Square

This fancier restaurant, which fuses a sushi bar with a jazz bar, has an extensive gluten-free menu, boasting fried rices with gluten-free soy sauce and rich Pad Thai.

Al Dente - North End

Gluten-free pasta and bread are hard to come by, and this authentic Italian restaurant offers both!

Best Pop Culture Mentions of Harvard

Legally Blonde
Freshmen gather on the steps of Widener Library to watch the screening of "Legally Blonde," hosted by the College Events Board on Thursday, Aug. 29.

There’s no denying that the Harvard brand is the pinnacle of collegiate glory. As ubiquitous as Apple and Starbucks (ironically two favorites of Harvard students) and as old—older than, actually— as JP Morgan Chase, another student favorite, our college’s logo is affixed to every kind of merch on the market. So it’s no surprise that our lionized university is invoked in popular culture more often than any other academic institution in the world. While literally every piece of media drop the H bomb sooner or later, we’ve compiled the most noteworthy mentions of the most hip and relevant University on the planet. We apologize in advance for flexin’.

The Simpsons

Unsurprisingly, Harvard has been mentioned a couple dozen times on this classic. After all, ten percent of television’s full time humour writers hail from our hallowed gates. Our absolute favorite Harvard reference? Lisa’s burn that left the Harvard rejects’ pile in shambles in “Barthood.”

Bart: Do you know what it's like to be second-best at anything?

Lisa: Yeah, I do! I'm going to Yale!

WE’RE ABSOLUTELY SHOOK

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

The protagonist of this binge-worthy comedy, Rebecca Bunch has done everything on the Harvard student’s bucket list: she’s written for The Crimson (something you should all do), worked for a prestigious New York law firm, and was even “rhythmically trashed by a junior visiting from the Brown improv troupe” on the night of the Dunster House formal. Despite her, shall we say inclination, for donning a Harvard sweatshirt to yoga and just generally name dropping our alma mater a tad too much, we still recognize ourselves in this lovable broken mess of an overachiever.

BoJack Horseman

The writers of this Netflix original clearly have some beef with the Lampoon. Not one but two characters are mentioned to have “written” for the semi-secret Sorrento Square social organization that used to occasionally publish a so-called humor magazine. Just as expected, these personas— the awkward nepotistic intern Charlie and the pretentious Cuddlywhiskers—are just as awful (very realistic) as the real deal.

30 Rock

Staffed by a slew of “hyper intelligent Harvard boys,” 30 Rock basically came for our lives by taking a jab at our pretentious use of Harvard lingo in “Plan B”:

Liz: What did you major in?

Toofer: Sorry?? I don’t understand?? Oooooh I seeeee, (condescending mode activated) at Harvard we call them concentrations.

Scream Queens

This trashy comedy takes pretentiousness to a whole new level by portraying a Harvard-educated doctor losing his hand while trying to save his class ring from a bristly demise in his garbage disposal. He didn’t suffer through all those all nighter for nothing—he definitely had to have something to show it, and a degree from Harvard Medical School just wasn’t enough. Talk about school spirit #gocrimson.

People vs. OJ Simpson

We all know that guy with whom “every eighth word coming out of his mouth is Harvard.” Harvard Law professor Alan Dershowitz, one of the original “dream team” members, was apparently one of these guys #noshade.

Bonus round

We know you expected “Legally Blonde,” “Love Story,” and the “Social Network” to make the cut, but with two of these iconic Harvard movies being shown during the opening days, you already know what they’re all about. What, like it’s hard?

So if you want to feel good about going to the most famous college in the world, cheap validation is just a Netflix click away.

Flyby Matchmaker: Chance Encounters and Double Dates

Russell Reed ’20 is a freshmen from Del Mar, Calif. who finds the Ec 10 enrollment laughable. Angel Navidad ’20, also a freshmen, hails from San Pedro, Belize and wants to study biology, but is not a premed. We sent them to one of Reed’s favorite study spots, The Fogg, to see if they’d hit it off.

Matchmaker: Russell and Angel
Russell Reed '20 and Angel Navidad '20 pose for a selfie.

Russell: My friends were like ‘Wow what a great idea. All of us should fill this out. None of us will get it, but it would be so funny if we did.’ I was kind of hesitant, but why not? It will be a funny story. And then, naturally, I’m the one who got it—It was very much a group message peer pressure thing.

Angel: I got there before [the café] closed. I didn’t know how [finding each other] was going to work so I was just hanging around, not knowing who he was and thinking I would just wait seven minutes and leave, but, fortunately, it was Russell.

Russell: [Jenny’s Café at the Harvard Art Museum] was closing at the time, but I went in and brought up my little coupon and was whispering to the people at the front asking ‘have you seen anyone else using it yet?’ They said ‘yeah actually we did’ and I asked if should I be concerned and they were like ‘no he’s super cute, wearing a blue polo.’

Angel: I was really stoked. I knew him before (from Opening Days) and knew he was cool and all.

Russell: We hugged and started.

Angel: We looked at [previous Flyby Matchmaker articles] to see what we should ask each other and we were like ‘oh shoot these guys seem like they’re having so much fun and we’re just being boring on a coffee date talking about concentrations.’ So, we tried to diversify.

Russell: We didn’t know each other super well so it was a lot of getting to know each other better which was cool. I didn’t even know he lives in Mass. Hall and I live in Matthews so we’re like right next to each other.

Angel: We talked about blocking groups and the housing and all that. And, his cool mom… [our conversation] just confirmed that he was a cool guy.

Russell: I got Lowell, so I’m super excited—the ‘Lowtel’ as I like to call it. He was blocking with his entire FIP family and a lot of friends did FIP so we had a lot of people in common to talk about. We ended up wandering around and talking about how Harvard is considering getting rid of blocking and how we both had really positive experiences with it. Harvard’s policies—my favorite date conversation.

Angel: He is going to be by the river so yeah [we’ll see each other again], Unfortunately. [laughs] No, he’s cool… I’ll probably see him again.

Russell: It’s one of those things where we were hesitant friends who would say ‘hi’ to each other, but now that we’ve had this funny experience together we’ll probably actually hang out and grab coffee by choice and pay for ourselves. Who knows? It really was fun; overall a very positive experience.

Interested in going on a Flyby Matchmaker date, but too scared to go at it alone? Now, if you and a friend both fill it out and mark that you want to go on a double date, we’ll try to make that happen!

Drop Lamont, Study Better

As results from midterm season start to roll in, you may be realizing that perhaps it's time to refine your studying techniques. Or maybe that you should have studied in the first place. We get it. Studying in your room is impossible when you have a bed right there calling your name. Your other options seem to limited to Lamont and Widener, which are radiating enough stress and angst that it sends you rocketing back to your middle school emo phase. And stop lying to yourself—you’re not getting any work done in Lamont Cafe. So, as finals season creeps toward us, scope out some of these alternative study spaces:

Studying Atop Widener Steps
Taiga Abe '17 and Marlon Seijo '18, both neurobiology concentrators, study outside on top of Widener Library's steps, overlooking the yard. Though still shopping week, Seijo was already hard at work on Chemistry 17: “Principles of Organic Chemistry.”

The New Cabot Science Library

Newly renovated and just recently unveiled, the Cabot Science Library in the Science Center should be your new study space. Everything is so sleek and shiny, and not yet imprinted with the stench of all-nighters and despair. Many parts are spacious, not restricting you to the tight cubicle designed constraints that Lamont offers. Also, Clover is apparently manning the cafe, so if you like seiten, give it a go.

Harvard Law School Library

This is a library we feel exists more as a myth than an actuality, but we're certain it must be somewhere on campus. Urban legends say that this library has free coffee after 9 p.m., but it seems like everyone who tells you about the HLS Library has never actually been there. We've heard only good things, though. Also, the more you frequent it, the greater the likelihood of you marrying a rich lawyer, which means you don’t have to worry about studying anyways.

The Great Outdoors

After months of a grueling, exhausting winter, spring is finally here! Reap these benefits, bring your books outside, and plop yourself in one of the Yard’s many multicolored chairs. Or sit on Widener's steps (don’t actually step foot in Widener though). It’s hard to be miserable cramming for SLS 20 when the sun is shining and the birds are chirping. You’ll need the Vitamin D after two weeks of living like a cave-dweller in Lamont.

We think it’s high time you try to give one of these other places a shot—not only because we want the word “Lamonster” to be eliminated from our vocabularies, but because we want this finals season to be your best yet!

Five Ways to Spot a Prefrosh

With Visitas this weekend, the Yard is flooded with naive, excited young faces eager to experience what Harvard is like, if only for a weekend. Beyond the standard lanyard and free COOP class t-shirt combination, here are some surefire giveaways that you’re walking past a prefrosh on your way to Lamont this weekend—and an indication that you should probably wave hello to make them feel welcomed.

Free Shirts for Hosts
The Undergraduate Admissions Office distributed t-shirts to undergraduates hosting admitted students to thank them for their contributions to Visitas Weekend.

The drawstring bags

These are the staples of the prefrosh’s Visitas style. It’s both a method of identification and recognition between prefrosh and a smoke signal that yes, this is indeed a prefrosh and not just a tourist wandering through the Yard.

The look of awe and excitement

From the moment a prefrosh steps out of the T station into Harvard Square, they (and likely their parents) are grinning from ear to ear, taking in the energy and novelty of Harvard. This awe and excitement doesn’t diminish over the entire weekend, with prefrosh strolling around Harvard Yard like they already own the place. It’s almost as if their AP exams and finals don’t matter anymore.

Confusion

Prefrosh can usually be found with a map of Harvard on their person at all times. However, many will still manage to make their way to Lowell to ask where Lowell Lecture Hall is.

Mispronouncing building names

Pro-tip: Sever Hall is pronounced like “see-ver”, not sever like you’re severing someone’s head.

Improper fashion

There are many strange fashion statements that a prefrosh could make that don’t fall into Harvard’s salmon-shorts-and-Sperrys aesthetic. The prefrosh may be a native Californian who has no idea how to dress for Cambridge weather and complains about the cold incessantly while wearing shorts and a T-shirt. Or (even more revealing), the prefrosh may be wearing a shirt with some configuration of “SEN17RS” on the back. We’ve all been there. These shirts end up as pajamas the moment you start college.

Whether you love them or hate them, be sure you know how to spot the members of the Class of 2021 this weekend.

Dude, That’s Rude: Prefrosh

It’s that time of year again—Visitas. It's impossible to miss, with the aggressive emails asking current students to host and the swarms of prefrosh in nametags around campus. A note to the upperclassmen: we all remember the awkward struggle that was Visitas, so cut these prefrosh a little slack—Harvard can be a scary place.

And to the prefrosh: there are a few things that just don’t fly with us, and we’d rather you know what not to do. Watch out for these Visitas mishaps and you should have a relatively pain-free revisit experience.

Travelling in Packs So Large That No One Can Pass

We see you coming from a mile away with your bright red drawstrings, lanyards, and slightly terrified smiles. If you see us coming—look out for jaded, hung-over people rushing to the library—please form a single file line to pass. The paths in the Yard are wide enough for both of us if you don’t travel in six-person-wide lines.

Crowding the Dining Halls

It will be literally impossible for freshmen to go to Annenberg this weekend without waiting a half an hour for food. We get it, being a prefrosh is hungry work and learning the ins and outs of the Berg's social life is a key skill. But please, don’t stroll around checking out the food options for ten minutes; there’s nothing that great, we promise.

Getting Too Drunk/Rowdy at Your First College Party

We’ve all experienced the excitement that comes from your first college party. Your parents aren’t around (we hope—see next point), the world of alcohol is new and exciting, and it’s time to prove to yourself that you will be more fun in college than you were in high school. But we beg you: don’t overdo it on the alcohol, or the fun for that matter. There are plenty more opportunities in your future for bad decision-making.

Judgmental Prefrosh Parents

There’s nothing worse than taking out the trash—we’re talking over 100 beer cans—from the night before and seeing prefrosh parents staring at you in judgment. We understand the judgmental looks: You are afraid to let your star student go into the world of PBR. But please cut us some slack, we promise that we have our life together. Also, don’t sit down next to us in Berg when we’re trying to work and start grilling us about the academic rigor of Harvard. Take our word for it when we say that this is a hard place.

Keep these few tips in mind and we can safely say that you won’t make any upperclassmen enemies before you arrive in fall. But if you pull any of these moves, don’t be surprised if we say: dude, that’s rude.

Tiësto’s Top Hits

So we finally know who the Yardfest artist is, after a pretty agonizing wait. We’ve all heard complaints about the announcement. You say you’ve never heard of him? Think again—we’ve compiled a list of Tiësto’s most famous songs, and we can guarantee that you’ve heard some of them. And if you haven’t, it’s time to get listening so that you can gear up for one of the best days of the semester.

Wasted

Let’s face it, we like almost everything better when we’re wasted (including Yardfest). You’ve heard this jam too many times on the radio, it was played long past its used-by date, and it’s about to make a comeback. Expect a lot of excitement when Tiësto gets to this track.

Red Lights

This is the song that you’ve heard at plenty of parties but you probably never knew what it was called or who it was by. Well, this is a Tiësto signature, so now you can’t forget it. On a serious note, we hope that Tiësto drives safely on the way to Harvard and does not, in fact, run those red lights.

All of Me (Remix)

We know that you know Tiësto’s remix of the John Legend classic. It’s just the right mixture of emotional ballad and upbeat dance music. It’ll get stuck in your head all day, so don’t be surprised if your foot starts tapping during lecture.

The Only Way Is Up

Maybe the rumors about Martin Garrix for Yardfest were onto something, since this song marks the creative union of Tiësto and Garrix. It is a classic EDM number, with words that cannot be fully made out and some quality beat drops.

Secrets

Tiësto put together this track in collaboration with KSHMR and Vassy (Will they make surprise appearances at Yardfest? We sense a new rumor in the making here.) We know that Tiësto knows a little something about keeping secrets, though, from how long we had to wait to find out that he’d be the artist.

If you aren’t listening to these songs on repeat between now and Yardfest, you should really reassess your priorities. Tiësto definitely has some gems and we’re excited to hear them in our own backYard.

How to Hypothetically Celebrate Boston's First Legal 4/20

Hey, man. Not to be blunt, but you should probably know by now that Massachusetts decided to puff, puff, pass the legislation that makes recreational marijuana legal for the 21+ crowd. Let’s be honest, we all knew California was going to legalize that green goodness, but Massachusetts? Pretty sure not too many people had high hopes. However, our trusty ol’ Commonwealth decided to light one up for all the cannabis crusaders and approve this dope law. In honor of the first 4/20 in post-legalization Massachusetts, we’ve grinded out the details of what would be the dankest spots to hit up today if we lived in a world where Harvard—and the federal government—let smoking on campus fly.

The River - A favorite of campus potheads, the river provides the ideal outdoor vibes for all your smoking needs. Not recommended January through March, when gloves and a pre-rolled joint are necessary, but ideal for late April.

Cabot Rooftop - For all you quadlings who are partial to chronic, Cabot rooftop gives you both privacy and a sick view. Day or night, this high-up spot is a great place to get high. Other roofs for reefin’ include the Carpenter Center and the Science Center.

Fogg Museum Steps - It’s literally called the Fogg, guys. This spot is a favorite of the seasoned smoker, and definitely a good one for a chillier night. Head down the staircase that leads to the basement of the museum and light up under the shelter provided by questionably clean concrete walls. Flashlight optional.

Cambridge Commons - Meeting up with a smoke squad of both quadlings and river homies? This spot is the perfect compromise. For the spookier crowd, there’s always the cemetery across the way. Just make sure you don’t confuse smoke clouds for ghosts.

Lowell Community Garden - Grass belongs in a garden, so what better place to light up than our very own community garden? For all the blazers who frequent the esteemed establishments of Mt. Auburn Street on the weekends, take a break from dancing on tabletops to consume some grade-A kush.

Your Room - For the lazy blazers. But hey, those fire escapes are pretty rad.

We’re definitely not saying you should make a trip to these locations today. That would be wrong. But maybe these spots will convince Snoop to play at Yardfest next time around.

Editor’s Note: Smoking in public spaces is still illegal under Massachusetts legislation. Read more about the nuances of Massachusetts’s marijuana laws here, and about Harvard’s drug and alcohol policies here, which prohibit smoking on campus.

In Memoriam: Yardfest Artists That Never Were

Yardfest Artists (Sike!)
The cover of our "Yardfest Artists That Never Were" playlist.
Finally, finally, the CEB has decided to let us know that Tiësto will be performing at this year’s Yardfest. It appears the non-disclosure agreement actually worked this year. For now, though, Flyby wants to think of what could have been. There have been some truly wild rumors about which musician will grace the Yard, and everybody loves a little drama. Join us in revisiting all the whispered names and the memorable Facebook fights with this playlist of Yardfest rejects. Or, more likely, artists who rejected Yardfest. Listen on Flyby’s new Spotify for these artists and more!

Martin Garrix

CEB seemed more than happy to let this rumor flourish, and it was pretty believable. After all, we’ve had Steve Aoki; Garrix would be a continuation of the EDM trend. But there’s only so many times you can get turnt to ‘Animals.’

The Chainsmokers

Speaking of things there’s only so many times you can get turnt to. The Chainsmokers are probably too expensive, too bro-y, and too we-just-won-a-Grammy for Harvard, but enthusiasts still #believe.

Carly Rae Jepsen

No matter how plausible this theory was, those in the CRJ camp were very passionate. Remember when they fought with the group that wanted The Chainsmokers in a Facebook group? Good times.

Snoop Dogg

How this was a believable possibility, we’ll never know. As if Harvard could ever get the D-O-double G. Although, come to think of it, Yardfest is scheduled for the day after 4/20, so you never know…

Take a moment, everyone.

A Beginner’s Guide to Yardfest

Steve Aoki's Yardfest Performance
Yardfest headliner Steve Aoki entertains the crowd of students and guests Sunday.
Now that the Yardfest headliner has been announced, anxiety about whether the annual event is happening has hopefully dissolved. In the absence of those doubts, the most important thing you should be worrying about right now is how to reach the optimal level of litness come Friday. We've compiled some beginner's tips to help make Yardfest amazing:

Have your schedule clear

Imagine realizing you have a pset due in 20 minutes while you are grinding on a random bro-tank dude (spoiler alert: it’s not pretty). Finish your work in advance unless you want to listen to Tiësto through Lamont's walls.

Don’t get too lit

Although party hopping is the most fun part of the day, too many amateurs end up missing out on the concert itself. Pace yourself unless you want to experience Yardfest only through your friends’ snaps or, worse, at UHS.

Wear something simple

No matter how much you want to channel the Coachella boho glam style, please wear something you will not regret ruining. Between the HUDS buffet, dirt, mud, and some other questionable stains, your cute outfit might not survive the night. And don’t forget to protect your toes from crazy moshing kids by wearing closed-toe shoes. You will thank us later.

Prepare for the social media frenzy

Charge your phone so that you can Snapchat, Instagram and tweet the day (and night) away. If you’re not planning on attending, temporarily delete all social apps to prevent the biggest FOMO in your life.

Steve Aoki's Selfie
Steve Aoki grabbed Crimson photographer Ryosuke Takashima’s camera to snap a quick selfie during Aoki’s 2016 Yardfest performance.

Don’t make everyone hate you

Elbowing your way to the front, yelling “I love you” to the artist or even trying to climb up the stage is seriously not cool even if you’re Tiësto’s biggest fan. You might not remember your rudeness the next day, but we will. You may even get a Dude, That's Rude post written about you.

Take our advice but don’t worry too much—Yardfest is supposed to be messy. No matter what you do, there’s still a chance that you’ll wake up in fetal position at 2 p.m. the next day. Embrace the upcoming wildness and leave a glass—er, jug—of water near your bed, just in case.

Visitas Bucket List

Listen up, pre-frosh: although you might have your Visitas schedules tightly packed with events tricking you into thinking our college has a social scene, they might not always reflect your future experience here. Seriously, if you think that college is all about ice-cream socials, decorating cupcakes, and welcoming social spaces, maybe you should choose the arts and crafts school of New Haven (not really tho). To help you make the most of admitted students’ weekend, we've compiled a list of things you just have to do to get an ~authentic~ Harvard experience (sans the all-nighter induced tears and feelings of inadequacy).

Prefrosh Bags at Visitas
Work those backpacks.

Sit around the Yard

Gather your Visitas besties and soak up the spring sunshine on the Yard’s famed lawn. Wrestle a lawn chair or two from some tourists or catch Dean Dingman pensively smiling at your wholesome naïveté while real Harvard students are barricaded in Lamont.

Go on a (dry) River Run

Tour the upperclassmen houses but instead of the Rubinoff your host handed you with a wink, drink plenty of water. Don’t get too cocky—you’re not a student here and the amnesty policy, while a good reason to pick Harvard, doesn’t apply to you. Don’t get too lit if you want to bring brochures and free t-shirts home instead of a rescinded letter of admission.

Eat at 3 a.m.

While your helicopter parents might be horrified at the thought of you chowing down greasy Harvard Square food long past your bedtime, your college career will be full of wee-hour binges. Start training for future grease-marathons and check out our top late night picks: El Jefes (hearty Mexican food), Tasty Burger (semi-tasty burgers), Insomnia (the best damn cookies of your life), Kong (greasy Chinese food), and a 24-hour CVS (for those who stay up really late). After all, the novelty of Annenberg will wear off quicker than you think.

Watch the sunrise from the Charles River

Enjoy the river view of our beautiful campus that actually looks like the brochures. The collegiate look of the sunlit brick buildings will make you want to see this beauty on the regular.

Pee on the Statue

While the other two Harvard traditions might be hard to execute in your position (do pre-frosh even have Widener swipe access?), jumpstart your bucket list and give John H the good ol’ golden shower. The story of how you marked the statue will forever distinguish you from the foot-touching tourists and give you major props back in high school.

Check out Eleganza

April 22 marks Harvard’s biggest fashion and dance show that will certainly make a lasting impression with its electrifying performances. Although the breathtaking Eleganza models are not exactly representative of the sweatpants-clad student body, this display of human magnificence will prove that we’ve got the moves and that we’re the hottest Ivy #watchoutBrown.

At the end of the day, Visitas is all about having fun, soaking up the welcoming atmosphere, and not choosing the New Haven community college. So immerse yourself in Harvard’s unique culture and come show off your class t-shirts this fall as freshmen. We promise—you’ll love it here.

Dude That's Rude: Spring in the Yard

After months of fickle Cambridge weather, it finally has started warming up enough for the student populace to break out the salmon shorts, Birkenstocks, and start kickin’ it in the Yard. We all want to enjoy the weather as much as the next person, but there’s always those choice few types that make us want to lock ourselves inside. This spring, don’t be these people.

Guitar Kid

Listen, we’re all about music and promoting the arts at Harvard, but not when your art is Creep by Radiohead on an acoustic guitar you bought in sophomore year of highschool and there’s nowhere else for us to run to. No, “you don’t belong here.” If you’re gonna play music, make sure you’re not right up against people trying to speed-write their term papers. The Yard’s big enough for all of us, so please don’t force us to listen to Wonderwall or any Coldplay, please.

Spikeballers

If the weather’s above 55 degrees, you can guarantee someone has set up their Spikeball camp and is smacking away. Now, there’s nothing wrong with Spikeball itself if you’ve set up a space for yourself on the grass far away from everyone else. But, when you make the people around you have to duck every time your shirtless friend spikes it too hard, you make the Yard a danger zone for all innocent passerbys. Keep your distance and Spikeball in peace. (And put a shirt on.)

Chair Hogs

There aren’t nearly enough of those $300 artisan chairs to go around, so for the love of all things good, do not use a chair for your feet or your backpack. Although you might like to think so, you aren’t royalty, and you can put your feet on the ground like all the other plebeians. Plus, no one wants to sit down on a chair full of Yard dirt once you’ve vacated the premises. And if you squirreled a Yard chair away in your dorm room all winter, please kindly return it to the collective.

Trash Monsters

The Yard is essentially a wide expanse of dirt right now, so please keep the little grass we have left clean. When you’re done with your Starbucks Frappuccino or your Liquiteria Kale Juice with Apple Lemon and Ginger, throw the cup out, will ya? No one needs to be tripping over your trash while taking a nice stroll through the Yard.

The Yard is a great space for everyone to hang out in between classes, to picnic, and to soak up some rays while getting some work in. Make it a place everyone can thoroughly enjoy by keeping Flyby’s suggestions for Yard Courtesy, or else we'll have to tell you—rather forcibly since you'll be sullying our warm weather mood—dude, that's rude.

Tiësto Is Headlining Yardfest

Tiesto at Yardfest
Tiesto will headline this year's Yardfest concert.
Well it sure took them long enough.

With three days to spare, the College Events Board has decided to grace us with the name of this year’s Yardfest headliner: Tiësto.

It seems like every year the CEB does the same song and dance, making us wait till the very last possible second to learn the name of the Yardfest pick. There’s been more than enough build up; this year, a spat broke out on Facebook between two camps of students, one pulling for Carly Rae Jepsen to headline the concert and the other hoping the Chainsmokers would take the spot.

We understand—and would, under any other circumstance, appreciate—their love of suspense, but enough is enough.

Anyway, the choice of Tiësto as this year’s performer is sure to inspire mixed reactions considering his chosen genre of music. Electronic dance music—as sick as some of its beats may be—is often considered to be ill-suited for concerts because the artist doesn’t actually sing live, but rather plays pre-designed mixes. It’s definitely less enjoyable watching someone pushing buttons on a stage for a few hours—even if there’s cake and booze involved. That didn’t stop some folks from getting lit last year when Steve Aoki smashed through campus, and hopefully Tiesto, who's been crowned the "Greatest DJ of All Time" by MixMag Magazine, won't disappoint.

Mixed feelings aside, it’s nice to know that yes, Yardfest is happening, and no, Dean Khurana will not be DJing.

Here’s a rundown of the artists performing at other Ivy-League spring concerts in case you’re thinking of skipping town for a few days and partying it up somewhere else (note that many of these schools announced their performers many months in advance):

Columbia Bacchanal (April 8)

Aluna George

DRAM

Mykki Blanco

Almand

UPenn Spring Fling (April 21-22):

DJ Zedd

Tinashe

Brown Spring Weekend (April 28-29):

Princess Nokia

Empress Of

Young Thug

Cherry Glazerr

AlunaGeorge

Erykah Badu

Yale Spring Fling (April 29):

JoJo

Tory Lanez

Cornell Slope Day (May 11):

Big Gigantic

MisterWives

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