I opened Google Calendar, only to be faced with a fully blue screen. After checking the date, I was shocked to find that it’s already April. It turns out that an entire year of college has passed by me. And thank God, because get me out of here (jk). But here’s a solemn ode to the month of March and a letter to the month of April. Please, please treat me well — there’s only so much more that I can take.

First of all, thank you, upperclassmen, for a beautiful River Run and Housing Day! Who knew that we could actually have fun at Harvard once a year? It’s truly a shame that the weekend after, I was sent back to the confines of Lamont Library.

Speaking of… I have one wish. And that is for the gems I took actually turning out to be gems. Because if I’m being honest, things aren’t looking so hot at this moment. These grades in the harder classes... are better than those in my gemmy classes? Damn, AC, don’t go too hard on us yet…

The class of 2027 barely escaped 20% + 4, but wait... The classes of 2028 and 2029 (and 2030, *shudders*) aren’t so lucky. To save all of us, I have an urgent wish for an influx of sunny, warm days. Perhaps the admin will save us and realize we all deserve to soak in more Vitamin D.

You know how other colleges cancel class on the nicest day of the year? That would be a fever dream here. We can’t even cancel Marathon Monday for an all-day darty. As I said, Housing Day (or week) is the only time we can actually have fun.

And it’s now almost Visitas season. Woah. Get ready for the hordes of pre-frosh to come upon us on campus. I still shudder whenever I think of my Visitas experience and am eternally grateful I will never have to relive that.

If you’re the class of 2030 reading this (let’s just say this is a much better use of your time than planning out your Visitas Gcal) — Flyby will soon provide you with a roadmap for succeeding here. I know you all are looking forward to the day you can announce your McKinsey job on LinkedIn, but chill out for nowwwww. Phew.

This is also your reminder to clean your room before all the pre-frosh arrive and to start drinking the Harvard Kool-Aid again. Yes, you live in the best house or dorm, the dining hall is a wonder, and the food isn’t all that bad! We all know that Visitas weekend is the one time we get to indulge in the fact that we attend Harvard and flex it to innocent incoming freshmen (well, other than at the airport…).

And finally, this part is a delusional wish, but I’m tryna snag some of those Zara Larsson tickets this month. Because every other school besides Harvard got her? Look, even Penn got Flo Rida. Who said LinkedIn wasn’t helpful… It sure is for finding a BU student to take me as a plus one to see “Eurosummer” live.

One last rant. Speaking of a Euro summer. Guess who doesn’t have a summer job and can’t afford that Euro summer? Someone, please hire me. Anyone. At this rate. I genuinely cannot stand the desperate cold emailing for free labor. Every time I open Gmail, I just shudder a bit. Unless it’s the Harvard Today newsletter in my inbox (which sign up for, babe! xx).