This spring, Harvard will become home to its own sustainable garden in front of Lowell House, and the Office of Sustainability is calling upon the community to submit names in an online contest that closes today. Ever-conscious of its responsibility to the wider-Plympton area, FM presents some choice names.
1. Your New Breakfast
This garden is supposed to provide “food for students, faculty, and the local community.” We’re guessing breakfast is going to take another hit.
2. The Drunkards’ Buffet
You exit the Fly a little sloppy. The organic sheen of a sustainable tomato plant catches your eye. Free and low-caloric. Yum.
3. The Garden Next to the Phoenix
As in, “Oh...that garden.”
4. The Secret Garden
The name section guy in your English class would submit. We all know the literary reference doesn’t make any sense, but it’s just the kind of BS he loves.
5. The Admissions-Packet Pastoral Garden
Because we couldn’t have a picture of a quaint, student-run garden if we didn’t actually have one. “Hey, we’re sustainable and organic, damn it!”
6. The Garden of Sin
Furrows are so the new stacks. Bonus points if your pick-up line includes a Biblical allusion.
7. The Harvard Garden
When all else fails, just drop that H-Bomb. Never has so much been accomplished with a last resort.
8. The Bei-root
Discarded ping pong balls from the Phoenix and the Fly will be given ground to grow into bei-roots.
9. The [Insert name of someone who just moved off the waitlist] Family Garden
Hey, the funding needs to come from somewhere...
10. The To-Be-Pollinated-By-Real-Bees Garden
FOX News would be relieved.
11. Le Jardin d’HUDS
Bohemian, questionably cultured, and possessing of a pretense for class. Just like our favorite dining service.
12. The Dirt Nasty
Full of ditches and hoes. The Phoenix is now sustainable.
Vegetables are yummy. True that.
14. The Natalie Portman Garden
She was in “Garden State”. This is a garden. Valid enough connection to warrant a guest appearance for its grand opening.
15. The Idiot Garden
Come here if you want to raise your “awareness about the critical role that food plays in our environment and our health.” Or just go starve yourself, you idiot.