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{shortcode-9a5b05723dee337aadb295e28ae21f4393576162}Dean Khurana may be known for his friendly smile, quirky Instagram posts, and level of energy he puts towards supporting Harvard undergraduates, but did you know that on the side he’s actually a ~fire~ playlist curator? Keep reading to see how we ranked his most *popping* playlists:

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1. Welcome Home Harvard

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With a whopping 78 likes, it’s no surprise the Welcome Home Harvard playlist easily dubs first place. We love the fun and goofy mood that Dean Khurana was in when combining High School Musical’s “We're All in this Together” and Diddy's “Coming Home.” Currently admiring Dean Khurana for not only inspiring us through leadership, but also music taste. Listen to “Cheeseburger In Paradise” to confuse you more than that Stat 110 pset. After a year and a half away from home, we appreciate the sentimentality.

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2. Move-In Day

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2016? What a throwback! We love to see the musical diversity and nostalgic vibes coming through on Dean K’s first playlist. Some big jams that we can never forget from 2016 are featured, like tracks from Hamilton, “Ugly Heart” by G.R.L (okayy channeling BBE), and “Come On Eileen?” We’re pretty sure this is the third time we’ve seen that song featured in these playlists so far…

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3. The Playlist with No Title

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Artistic boldness should be rewarded. This playlist has some big bops, but is ranked number three because it lacks a name :( We wished we had some type of title to explain Dean Khurana’s combinations of Drake with…John Denver??? On second thought, how do you title a playlist like this?

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4. Harvard-Yale Playlist (most recent)

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Nothing ever perks up a Harvard student’s attention more than “Free Jefes” and “Harvard-Yale.” We did the math, 22 percent of Dean Khurana’s playlists are dedicated to Harvard-Yale. With one even titled #BeatYale, we love the feistiness! What’s more Harvard than listening to a Harvard playlist by the Harvard Dean on your way to Harvard-Yale? However, we ranked it fourth because of song repeats from previous playlists – Dean K we need ~more spice~.

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5. Harvard College Playlist – Pt. 1

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Coming in at number five, we have this truly, extremely Harvard playlist. With some absolute BOPS (gotta love supporting our awesome arts groups on campus!), this is sure to give you a healthy dose of school spirit as you pass that tourist lovingly caressing John Harvard’s foot. Some points lost for no part two – maybe it’s time to update? Or better yet, now that in-person shows are back, go check out these arts groups in real time!

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6. Pro and Con: The Valentine Playlist

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Damn. Really getting at the heart (*wink wink*) of the issue. Who needs Love It/Hate It: Valentine’s Day – simply listen to this playlist and let your ears decide if Valentine’s Day is worth the hype. Dean Khurana, we have to know: is Valentine’s Day a pro or con? It may not be his best playlist of all time, but it’s certainly one that leaves us asking, “Who hurt you?”

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7. Mid-Summer Playlist

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Are you a true Spotify playlist aficionado if you don’t have at least one iconic summer playlist? This mid-summer playlist ranks a good bit lower than DJ Khurana’s other musical endeavors, but with a good variety of throwbacks and 2019 favorites (love the Maggie Rogers!), it’s still sure to be a crowd pleaser.

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8. Socially-Distant Karaoke Playlist

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Closing out our rankings, we have another one of Dean Khurana’s more recent playlists. In the midst of the Covid-19 pandemic, social opportunities can be few and far between – what’re you to do but host your own socially distant karaoke night? We can only assume these must be the songs that Rakesh himself is ready to belt out at a moment’s notice. Just one question remains: why weren’t we invited?? Alas, maybe next time we can join in and perhaps even be featured on the Insta

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Bonus: Playlists Nov. 2016 - May 2018

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What we like to call, the Cassette Collection: these custom image covers add some special flare to already great playlists. Who knew Dean K was a graphic design king, too?

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What can you learn about someone from their Spotify playlists? Apparently, that they love “Come On Eileen” and creating ambitious mash-up’s of “22” by Taylor Swift and “Party Rock Anthem.” Dean Khurana, keep those playlists coming – we can only aspire for our playlists to be as good as yours!

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...and with Halloweekend coming up, be sure to get into the spooky spirit with yet another timely playlist from our favorite personal DJ!

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{shortcode-2e24c5601e31a7c236c5d18e93ce044222919bab}So you asked for three roommates and instead got one? Or maybe you asked for one and got six? You said that you wanted to sleep at 3 a.m., but instead got paired with a bunch of kids who go to sleep at 8 p.m.? Every night? The rooming situation for freshmen isn’t always ideal, but sometimes, there are ways to make the best of it!

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Here are seven ways to form a fam with your freshmen roomies:

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Talk to them. Every. Single. Day.

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“Good morning,” “Good night,” “How are you?” And at the bare minimum: acknowledge their existence with a “hi.”

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Share Your Food... Or Head to the Berg Together

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Nothing is nicer than free food. Period. Note: they have to know you’re sharing food before you start eating all their peanut butter while they’re in class.

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Show Some Love

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Go to their events – their games, their performances, their study breaks – and show your support. They may not say it, but they’ll love it… and when they’re too stressed by their CS50: Introduction to Computer Science psets and Gov 20: Foundations of Comparative Politics readings (potentially because they haven’t done them in five weeks like this writer), bring them brain break snacks or Jefe’s (or Felipe’s, I guess).

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Do the Chores Together (Yes, The Chores)

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Fold the laundry, broom the floors, chase that rat out of the dorm, and hang the tapestry that fell three weeks ago back up. While you’re at it, make a cleaning chart for that en-suite bathroom & never give each other the stare down when the trash fills up again.

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Game Nights, Movie Nights, Football Games, Picnics

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Whether it’s in your fancy basement (lookin at you, Thayer) or somewhere you have to take the T to get to, plan an event that can become a fond memory for you guys to reminisce about during finals.

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If You’re Not Besties By This Point – Set Your Limits & Be Patient.

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Remember to agree on the non-negotiables: visitors at night, drinking, pineapple on pizza… Struggling to break it to them that you don’t really like country music at three a.m. on the speakers? Leave a sticky note, send them a text, or just tell them casually!

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Did all of these things and still no luck? They just suck? Suck it up buttercup, there’s two more months till winter break. It’s time to stock up on those ear plugs, white noise machines, and sleep masks.

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{shortcode-6a117bc9c0427672be8a6e1ddc8a71f1c1067d21}When I, a naive, young Harvard premed, already in my junior year, arrived in LS2 on Wednesday, October 13, 2021, at 11:57:23 a.m., my friend sat expectantly with her laptop screen open to the dreaded purple banner and subpar page design of the Association of American Medical Colleges website. MCAT registration was opening today, TODAY, in two minutes and 37 seconds. To me, this was semi-interesting news as I supposed that I could sign up for the January test date whenever I saw fit. I wisely decided not to worry and attempted to enjoy the riveting lecture.

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But as my friend’s screen began counting down the seconds to registration opening, I began to wonder if I was missing something. When my MCAT friend turned to me and exclaimed that all her preferred test centers were full ZERO seconds after sign-ups started, I knew I was missing something. And when her check-out total of $325 flashed across the screen, I KNEW I was missing A LOT of things.

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As a typical Harvard premed with little individuality, too much confidence, raging imposter syndrome, and a predictable obsession with boringly good grades, I’ve been constantly debating for years whether I want to sell out, cry, drop out, or start studying for the MCAT. Unfortunately for me, on August 1, 2021, Anki ensnared my soul. One would think that software with such a cute little name and its own reputation on medical school TikTok would provide all the sunshine and rainbows necessary to carry you to easy MCAT success. WRONG.

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I repeat, Anki owns my soul. Every day, two hours a day, it’s flashcard after flashcard. Wow! Did you learn 30 new cards today? That’s great! Now here’s 200 from previous days you can review. Miss a day? No problem! Here are 400 reviews and 60 new cards xoxo. How long could this really last, you might ask? My deck (I’ve been using MilesDowns for anyone looking for a special kind of torture;)) contains 2,888 cards. I’ve been going for 74 days. No food, no sleep, just Anki. A moment of silence for myself and all those who have suffered under the thumb of this astounding software mind controller.

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Every day, for the past 37 days, I have considered the beautiful dreamland that could be awaiting me in the world of biotech consulting. After the PS2 midterm, when I sat in my bed reviewing my 123rd flashcard, I thought my career in medicine might already be over. The very next day, after the LS2 midterm, with my sanity teetering and awakeness fading, I pulled out my laptop and opened the dreaded Anki once again because IT NEVER STOPS *sniff sniff*.

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All this leads me to think about what happened to my social life. Not that I have time for any non-premed thoughts, don’t get me wrong. Did I ever have time for hanging with friends and going out? I’m too busy studying for the MCAT to study for the MCAT, let alone to have a spicy night (or day). On top of that, today I pledged 325 beautiful dollars to the test-taking demon corporation that does an even better job of crushing hopes and dreams than orgo<3.

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Lower the barriers to entering medicine, they said. We need doctors, they said. Hahahaha, hang in there my premed friends. Would love to rant more, but I need to go study for, you guessed it, the MCAT. January 21 test date is only 95 days away baby.

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{shortcode-e93492bb4aebf27b9664513b4ea7feb6fc94eaff}It’s the time of year where there’s more ~color~ everywhere—in the trees, in our lives, and most importantly, in our Google Calendars. And with the Add/Drop deadline behind us, those long days without lunch breaks are now officially here to stay. But never fear: Flyby is here to teach you how to get those carbs (and veggies) in, even in the busiest of weeks.

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Drop by FlyBy (Not to be confused with Flyby Blog!)

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For the chronic overschedulers, drop by FlyBy (or Baby Berg for freshmen) before or in between back-to-back classes! The line winding through Annenberg basement or the SEAS building may seem daunting at first, but trust us — once you leave with three packets of Oreos to stuff in your face during the CS50 break, you’ll realize that it was all worth it. Plus, the sandwiches and wraps are great for sneaking in bites under your mask on your way to class.

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HUDS Take out

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If you feel like you don’t have enough hours in the day for all the midterm studying you have to do, take HUDS back to your room! Picture this: you’re eating a lukewarm blend of what appears to be baked beans, Red’s Best Fresh Catch, and salad out of a plastic box as you cry over your never-ending task list. Add fairy lights twinkling in the background and you’ve got a scene that speaks to the heart of mid-October college life. And even if you end up spending the next hour rewatching The Office instead of catching up on your GenEd readings, it’s the thought that counts, right?

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Really maximize on those to-go containers.

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This is on here twice for a reason. Sure, after your fifth plastic-box request of the day, the HUDS staff may start to know you by name and walk the other way when they see you coming. Still, just keep reminding yourself that there is no limit to what these boxes can store. Pro-tip: To-go containers don’t have to just be for storing a typical meal. Take an extra to fill up with brownies and cookies for your room, and you’ll be the favorite suitemate by the time the midnight sugar cravings roll around.

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If all else fails, load up on snacks.

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CVS wasn’t playing when they opened a store right in the middle of Harvard Square. Stock up on all your favorite foods (and empty your wallet) to satisfy any late night craving you may have. But a word of caution: after you’ve made instant mac & cheese once, it might be hard to stop.

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Whatever the method, please remember to make time to eat, sleep, and take yourself. Fueling your body is important, and even if it doesn’t feel like it, your four unfinished psets can wait just a little bit more.

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{shortcode-6923a54e85415708651c66aca3c3a299e75d7dab}While Housing Day is still (unfortunately) a semester away, it is never too early to reignite the House pride that all us upperclassmen have and that first-years will eventually be infected with. To help with that, we're blessing you with a ranking of house mascots based on the only criteria that matters: environmental impact. Because let’s be real, every House thinks it’s the best, so we needed to get a little bit objective here.

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\r\n12. Lowell’s Blue Man

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Let’s be real. If Lowell’s Blue Man is a man, no matter how much he tries to lower his carbon footprint, if he’s a citizen of the United States, he will still have a carbon footprint of 16 tons a year. And if he’s anything like the other blue men I know, he will have a blue house with a blue little window and a blue Corvette. I guess everything’s just blue for him.

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11. Leverett’s Bunny

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They may seem cute and cuddly, but the bunnies we see running around on campus are actually hard at work taking over the mythical land of Australia as we speak, hurting native species. As much as we love our bunnies, we also love koalas and kangaroos and we really need to call out Leverett for this. Our bunnies should be held accountable.

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10. Kirkland’s Boar

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We would much prefer to walk a puppy than interact with a wild boar in real life. These pigs are running all over the continental United States and uprooting natural vegetation. They can also hurt the birds and amphibians that form an important part of our ecosystem.

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9. Dunster’s Moose

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You have probably heard of farting cows, but have you ever heard of the belching moose? That’s right, meese aren’t as clean as you would think. Technically, the animals on Dunster’s crest are actually elk, so maybe it isn’t too late for the House to make a change.

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8. Eliot’s Mastodon

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Granted, the mastodon is extinct and not here at all, but what would happen if they were brought back? Flyby thinks this is a very important question to ponder. However, because we can’t know for sure, Eliot gets some leeway in the rankings. Maybe they would interbreed with the elephants and prevent the species from going extinct? Now that’s a positive environmental impact!

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7. Winthrop’s Lion

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We’re at the middle of the list. You know what that means. Houses that couldn’t be classified as either extreme too easily! Winthrop’s lions are ethical carnivores, only eating as much as they need. They also live together, which means that if they were to travel together, they would get on one bus instead of all driving different cars. Talk about environmentally friendly!

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6. Pfoho’s Polar Bear

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Polar bears are extremely useful because they are cute and people LOVE them. From encouraging mere humans to become invested in the fight against climate change to using their ~adaptations~ to conserve heat, polar bears are true powerhouses.

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5. Quincy’s Penguin

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While potentially less cute than polar bears, penguins are smaller, giving them the advantage of being able to consume less food in order to function. Eating fish is much more environmentally friendly than eating seals. All Harvard students should avoid adding seals to their diet. In addition, Emperor penguins collect in huge colonies to conserve heat. Working together for the good of others!

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4. Mather’s Gorilla

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Gorillas are mostly just like chill humans. They stick together, eat mostly plant-based diets, and don’t fly around in private jets. That might make them losers (our private jet is currently in Bermuda), but that does make them more environmentally friendly.

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3. Cabot’s Fish

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What do fish do? They swim around. They chill. Cabot does not specify what kind of fish is its mascot, yet from the shield, it is safe to assume that it is not the invasive lionfish. All in all, the Cabot mascot is rock solid. Unless it’s secretly the lionfish.

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2. Adams’ Acorn

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Let’s be real, if you’ve made it this far down, you definitely know which House is going to be number 1. And based on that, there’s only so much I can say for Adams. Yes, the acorn by itself is not emitting carbon dioxide, and thus not hurting the environment at all. Yes, it has the potential for greatness. But there’s one house that’s just way ahead of it.

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1. Currier’s Tree

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Currier wins the top spot as the only House whose mascot is actually protecting us from climate change. By photosynthesizing, the trees convert carbon dioxide into the oxygen we breathe (not sure about specifics, I am not a pre-med), which is pretty dang useful since I enjoy breathing.

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{shortcode-8f70124cf8a03be6cb5946254453b06f43db8f46}Masks may protect us against Covid-19, but they definitely do not protect us against awkward interactions. In fact, leave a lot of room for them. What do I mean? Imagine this: you’re walking out of the Science Center and you see someone that you are convinced you remember from a Zoom class. “Omg, it’s Anne!” Obviously, you wave and walk over. As you do so, they take off their masks, and low and behold, they are not who you thought they were. But there you are, standing in front of them. What do you do? Here are some ways you can handle the situation:

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Continue the conversation as if you haven’t made a mistake

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Admitting to yourself that you’ve messed up doesn’t mean that you have to admit it to the person you are talking to. Confidence despite your error may be key. Ask them about the class you thought you took together. If they look at you confusedly, try to convince them that you were in fact in the same class by, let’s say, mentioning a TF in a super generic way (e.g., “Do you remember her? She was so funny.”) By the end of the conversation that you have just hijacked, you will have convinced yourself that the person you are talking to is, in fact, Anne. If you choose this option, I’d recommend making a swift exit from the conversation as soon as you are done blabbering.

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Bail

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Ignore the fact that you just waved at the person and just walk straight past them. Avoid the interaction all together.

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Apologize and re-introduce yourself

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This is probably the best and most graceful way to go about this unfortunate turn of events. When you reach not-Anne, be honest and apologize; maybe blame the mask or your eyesight for the misidentification. Save your dignity and the poor person’s time by simply introducing yourself for real. Maybe you’ll make a new friend!

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Stare blankly at them

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This one needs no explanation.

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Make sure to always have someone next to you to save you

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This one takes a little bit more effort and planning, but always having a friend walking next to you is a solid safety net. Your friend can immediately introduce themselves to not-Anne and then at least you’ll have the actual name of the stranger you are about to talk to.

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The shift from Zoom to in-person learning has been challenging in a lot of ways and dealing with misidentifying people has been especially hard to handle. But, cut yourself some slack, because it is HARD to identify someone based almost exclusively on their forehead. A sure-fire way to not misidentify someone in the first place is to make sure their mask is off before waving to them.

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{shortcode-98469702946dce47a0b75650b4f8b0c2b00421b4}We know them, we love them, we claw our way through tourists in front of them — but have you ever wondered which Harvard Square business you are in your soul? Wonder no longer, because Flyby’s got you covered.

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{shortcode-42d08fbed6a10dce0c609460bab19967e19ef44a}When we talk about being watched at Harvard, we always pin the blame on the tourists. Yes, it’s awkward when you accidentally walk into a stranger’s vlog and they keep the camera directly on your face, but we’re forgetting our most dedicated audience: Harvard’s beloved urban wildlife. They saw your shame when you trudged through the Yard, drenched in rain because you forgot your umbrella. They were there when you were stood up in front of Lamont. And they were there when you took one step outside your dorm building and realized you’d left your keys in your room. So here’s Flyby’s ranking of the urban wildlife on campus. Because let’s be real: they’re ranking us, too.

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7. Roaches

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People act like these guys are a staple of the Harvard experience, but they’re just unnecessary. Nothing like walking around to the back basement entrance because the roach in front of the main entrance contributes to my growth or development.

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6. Centipedes

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I despise these creatures, but they are good for one thing: a lesson in perspective. Are you nervous for a test? For an upcoming interview? For your professor to roast the living daylights out of your essay? Go into your dorm, turn off the lights, and google ‘house centipede’. Suddenly, your professor taking a wrecking ball to your self-esteem is exactly what you need today.

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5. Rats

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Rats are nightmarish little things — especially when their stomping through the classroom ceilings is louder than your TF’s voice — but Open Letter to the Rats of Harvard really made me feel for these forsaken creatures. Maybe they’re just misunderstood.

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4. Birds

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The birds here aren’t the most entertaining in the world, but they’re surprisingly unafraid of humans. Besides their incessant 7 a.m. squawking, they’re alright.

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3. Dogs

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Don’t get me wrong, I love puppers, but they’re going to have to take the number 3 spot. They’re adorable and surprisingly obedient, but there is so much FOMO that comes with watching proctors walk their dogs. When you first see them, you go “Aww! A doggo!” but five seconds later, you go “I want one too :(”

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2. Turkeys.

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Those turkeys prowling the Yard make me so self-conscious. Sometimes they’re ambling down the street like they’re looking for someone to rob. Sometimes they’re sitting on the grass, watching people zone out through their million-page readings, watching athletes zoom by on their light-up scooters (seriously, where did you guys get those?), watching STEM students scramble through their psets as if they’re not about to be assigned five more as a reward for their hard work. And through it all, they’re staring us down, more judgmental than Harvard students watching tourists try to touch John Harvard’s foot.

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1. Squirrels.

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There’s nothing more hardcore than a Harvard squirrel. One used to eat in the tree outside my window every morning so loudly that I couldn’t even snooze my alarm. I caught another literally trying to bite into a pole. And last, but certainly not least, I watched an adult squirrel scurry up a high tree and roundhouse kick its two babies off a branch. One stuck the landing and scurried away. The other face planted on the ground and lay there shaking for a bit (he was okay, I think).

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At the end of the day, though, we love all our wildlife here at Harvard despite its quirks and faults. After all, it was a human that took the last plum in the dhall — not a rat.

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Disclaimer: Remy the Cat was not ranked in this, because he is not part of the “wildlife.” He is our supreme leader.

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{shortcode-2dadda377ccaf6118ff1a5b35584086313e42e2a}I’m going to be honest with you guys. Some of your coughs sound questionable. I can’t focus on my Buzzfeed quizzes in lecture because I’m thinking about which seat is the furthest away from the guy hacking out a lung in the back row. Hopefully people aren’t coming to class with Covid-19, but I’m too busy trying to figure out what type of cupcake I am to even think about the possibility of quarantine. So, for our collective peace of mind, here are some ways to let everyone know that the only thing plaguing you is your fourth pset of the week.

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Wear it with pride!

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There are too many button-making events at this institution to not make at least one “Covid-Negative” one. Or design a T-shirt that says “Just Allergies” and wear it all season long! When it gets colder, you can even embroider a little “N” for negative into your Canada Goose. If Hester Prynne can do it, so can you.

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Send screenshots of your color.com results to the classwide groupme.

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You already take the tri-weekly screenshots to send to your Covid-cautious parents. Why not expand that to the whole class? It can’t be more annoying than the same four people asking about add-drop deadlines over and over, and how else will that one girl in section know that it would be 100 percent safe to make out with you in the basement bathroom of the Science Center?

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Shout it out!

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This one’s pretty simple. Each time you sneeze or cough, just stand up and calmly yell, “Not Covid!” Everyone else in the Widener Reading Room will be so relieved.

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Simply do not get sick.

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Every time I sneeze, I just think to myself, “Does this align with my five-year plan?” And every time, the answer is no! Your pandemic-addled immune system’s got this one in the bag, so just relax and triple-mask up every time you pass a tourist caressing John Harvard’s shoe.

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These tips are bound to keep everyone else from surreptitiously tightening the nose wires of their masks when you loudly sneeze into yours. And if you do test positive, at least you still have a one-of-a-kind customized Canada Goose. Stay safe out there!

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{shortcode-9af669a9cadb57c7376d0ed1a6c59e7f411fe7d0}I think we can all agree that the Harvard College community wouldn’t be so special without one particular man: Dean of the College Rakesh Khurana. This iconic individual is known on campus for his positivity, friendliness, and charisma. He makes it his mission to meet and connect with students – one such way being through his Instagram @deankhurana. For many, the peak of their college career (and most likely their life in general) is getting featured on this account. If you’re not already following...literally wyd.

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Anywho, to procrastinate on everything else I should be doing, I created this Tag Urself: Rakesh Edition to determine which version of Dean Khurana you align with most. All photos are sourced from his lovely Instagram (which you are now following if you weren’t previously). Stop what you’re doing and tag urself RIGHT NOW.

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“The Snacker”

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You like pistachios. We get it. There’s one in every group.

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“The Vaccine Queen”

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You care about the wellbeing of yourself and others. You are what makes this community safe. You have saved your friends from chaos on multiple occasions.

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“The Yogi”

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Fitness is your passion. You are always in a state of zen. You probably own healing crystals. Nothing is more important to you than the health of your lumbar spine.

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“The Elbow Bumper”

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You keep up with the latest social trends. When life throws you a curveball, you adapt. No physical contact? No problem. Socially-distanced elbow bumps it is.

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“The Activist”

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You live and breathe social justice. You will not rest until the people get the rights they deserve. You will be the force that carries us into the future. #HVC4life

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“The Clout Lord”

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You are an absolute unit. You are legendary. Your body hurts from constantly carrying the weight of your clout. Famous people want to hang out with YOU. They’ll have to speak with your secretary to get on the waitlist.

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“The Good Roommate”

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You bite the bullet and do the hard things others don’t want to. You are a selfless being. You are the person that stays late after a party ends to help clean up the cups. You are the backbone of society.

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“The Nochs Aficionado”

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You are an absolute chiller who is down for anything anytime. You go with the flow and take life as it comes. Your vibes are utterly immaculate. You are the glue to your friend group.

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{shortcode-bf969be3790c18dcb109d0d50e5aabfccc04f1a7}Scrolling through your Instagram and see yet another picture of someone with Remy the Cat? Don’t understand how everyone else has spotted Remy for the fifth time while you haven’t even seen him once? Don’t worry! Our precious Remy is hard to find, but here are some tips to help you find him.

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Go to Lamont.

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Tucked away in a cozy corner of the Yard, it’s no wonder Remy gravitates toward Lamont. Next time you need a study spot, head to Lamont, or take a different route to class that includes passing by the library. If you do this consistently for your whole undergraduate career, you’ll definitely find stressed out students, and you might just see Remy!

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Chill in the Yard.

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The best place to spot Remy is where he is living up to his name as the Guardian of the Yard (and its expensive furniture). Especially when the weather is sunny and warm and Remy is in his feels, you’ll see him sprawling out on the grass in the Yard, watching us as we walk to class while chugging our third cup of coffee of the day.

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Get Catnip.

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Cats have a sense of smell that’s fourteen times stronger than humans. Fourteen! Imagine how they feel about Red’s Best Catch. But this superior ability means that catnip is a wonderfully pleasant scent for them. Go to Costco (get a hot dog while you’re at it), buy bulk catnip, and leave hunks of catnip in every corner of every room (don’t skimp). The smell is bound to result in an appearance from Remy (and your building manager) at some point.

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Scout Every Dorm.

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Lots of people invite or take Remy into their dorm rooms. So if everything else fails, just knock on every door to every dorm in the Yard. Even if you don’t find Remy, you’ll get your steps in and probably make a few friends. This may seem like a bit too much, but it’ll all be worth it to see our friend Remy — just think about the Instagram possibilities.

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These tips should help you get your star moment with Remy. But even if you don’t ever end up seeing him, I can guarantee you’ll find a few rats along the way. Looking forward to seeing that post on my Instagram feed. Good luck and happy Remy-searching!

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{shortcode-c69849da0be60747140b6e04a8683bb951938263}Sure, they may look dapper, but I can’t help but have some questions. Are they going on an adventure on their scooter to a punch event… perhaps. But, I can also choose to believe that an even cooler destination is in store on a Tuesday evening. If you too want to ask some nicely dressed people a question as you contemplate your own life on your way to Lamont at 9 p.m., here are some starting points to get the convo flowing.

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Hey, is that tux rented? (If yes, did your scooter come with the rental?)

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I appreciate a nice usage of alternative transportation — scooters, bikes, legs, shuttle. For research purposes, I also would like to know where the tux is from. We love seeing people in suits scooting at 9 p.m.! I would just like to join!

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Who’s your prom date?

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Another subtle way to inquire about the suit and the vibes. You could even offer to snap some pics for mom, I’m sure she would appreciate that! Bonus: a lowkey (highkey?) assertion that they could pass for high schoolers…

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Can I have your pocket square?

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We’ve seen a few spiffy men in suits with pocket squares. But the question remains, can I have it? Please?

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Going to the Hamptons? Me too.

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This is perfect for someone wearing a tan or linen suit. We may officially be in fall, but fashion (as well as Cambridge weather) knows no boundaries. It’s also a great time to assure them that you, too, are in the *know*.

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Where’s the wedding?

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Are you a groomsman? Perhaps a flower girl? Maybe a bridesmaid? Regardless, I hope there’s cake where you’re headed. And, you know, not just social pressure and even more people dressed in suits.

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All in all, we enjoy seeing people in suits looking fancy. Just as geese must fly south for the winter, so too must the suits emerge for punch season. At least that means cuffing season is not far behind?

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{shortcode-19ec1c220ba3b45d7dc3fcb5496b4476a301000e}Roses are red, violets are blue, Trader Joe’s fall treats are here, and we’ve tried some for you! It’s that time of year again: sweater weather, crunchy leaves, and pumpkin-spice everything. On our mission to find the best fall-themed snacks, Trader Joe’s comes once again to our rescue, giving us a reason (or excuse?) to make the trip to our favorite grocery store (please sponsor us, TJ). Here are our ratings for the new TJ fall snacks, with a dash of cinnamon, pumpkin spice and everything nice.

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Pumpkin Spiced teeny tiny Pretzels

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{shortcode-08ed1c43b1a7f699d950dd5fdc54c6444b793e5d}CJZ: 9.5/10. Look at them! They’re so so cute. The pumpkin flavor is amazing and I love the yogurt. They’re so tiny I could probably finish a whole bag of them while suffering over psets.

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TC: 10/10. Just the right amount of pumpkin and cinnamon flavor for that festive fall vibe. Sweet from the yogurt dipping, salty from the pretzel itself. Definitely gonna be munching on these to motivate myself through my psets when the dhall Brain Breaks run out of their less-than-exciting plain pretzels.

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Pumpkin Cranberry Crisps

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{shortcode-40b011bc00d4fff2104feab1148652fa3ca99345}CJZ: 7/10. I love the idea of them, but I’m not the hugest fan of cranberries. I think these would be really yummy and aesthetic on a charcuterie board, though!

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TC: 6/10. Nice and crisp, with a subtle pumpkin flavor, but there’s nothing really special about it. Maybe it would pair better with a dip or something. I would snack on these if available, but not my first choice selection.

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Non-Dairy Pumpkin Oat Beverage

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{shortcode-30ce8709d634a9f00cafe82717f9fc6e4e7a2065}CJZ: 4.5/10. Who at Trader Joe’s comes up with these wack product ideas? I love pumpkin and oat milk separately, but together is just a no. The packaging is adorable, though.

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TC: 5/10. I pity people who are lactose intolerant because this just doesn’t slap like real milk. It’s alright — has quite a pumpkin/cinnamon flavor, but it’s not a great aftertaste. 1% milk all the way.

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Maple Sea Salt Kettle Corn

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{shortcode-83698a0b5f78f5ab099268a34f61b3d79eb39fb3}CJZ: 7/10. I really enjoyed this! I love sweet and savory combinations, especially the flavor of maple. Would buy again for sure.

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TC: 4/10. Looks like regular kettle corn, tastes like regular kettle corn. I guess kettle corn is just sweet popcorn, so the maple flavor is just sweet flavor. Nothing too exciting imo, doesn’t really scream “fall” for me.

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Pumpkin Ginger Mini Ice Cream Cone

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{shortcode-095e90b08ea3d8b58bd577d68c5c621b79bcb7f1}CJZ: 10/10. THESE ARE SO GOOD!! The gingery pumpkin flavor really comes out, and each cone is the perfect size for a snack (or you can have 3, no judgment). My crappy dorm freezer did melt them a bit, so they were soggy. Still delicious!

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TC: 9/10. -1 because these need to be bigger. So good, really can’t go wrong with ice cream tbh. Pumpkin + ice cream = match made in heaven.

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We hope this article makes you want to run to the closest Trader Joe’s (a solid 20-minute trek) and stock up on their fall products. Wishing you the best of luck on your TJ’s journey, whether you’re shopping for your next fall-themed extracurricular social or just scouting ingredients for a personal ~autumnal~ charcuterie board. Go crazy!!

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{shortcode-aafd5bc597a0fa6f3d5c4f84e652c5a1045711e8}Recruitment season has just ended and all the clubs have been hard at work looking for new members. From flooding email lists, offering free foods and drinks, to promising awesome merch (though unfortunately for all the Wall Street bankers wannabe, Patagonia is no longer an option), every single organization at Harvard is pulling out all the stops to woo new members. With that said, the hardest worker of all must be that semi-secret Sorrento square social organization that used to occasionally publish an allegedly humor magazine. For a “secret” organization, they sure are desperate for members.

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If you are still confused about this organization — that for tradition’s sake legal reasons we cannot mention by name — and their try-hard ways, let us walk you through their various (and questionable) recruitment efforts.

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That magazine that was put in everyone’s mailbox the first week of school

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Here’s the thing about being a secret organization with a purpose to party only 95% of the time: you want to make sure to advertise the entire purpose of the org to potential compers before you crush them with your elitist comping process. The usual Harvard students have only heard of the name in passing and know of the off-kilter building that perhaps some would consider an eyesore. To generate more buzz and interest, a magazine was dropped into every room’s mailbox to show just what exactly this organization, whose name is composed of the first three letters of a certain 24/5 Harvard library and the second half of a harpoon gun, is capable of. Is this their best work? Probably not. But hey, maybe they’re recruiting for some new blood and better writers.

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Effort: Average. Props to the people who went to every dorm to drop off the magazine. I hope your step counts for that week were good.

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Environmental damage: The amount of electricity and ink as well as paper spent on this… all those emissions. :-(

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Does this make me want to comp? Nah

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Overall rating: 2/10

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The fake syllabus

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pov: it’s the first day of class and you’re a student in Gov 20 or Psy 1 or any iconic large Harvard course, and people are passing out syllabi at the doors. Being a typical eager Harvard student, you immediately try to get your hands on one of them, only to realize later what a complete bogus the piece of paper in your hand is. “Not one of the jokes hit,” shared Ian H. Thompson ‘25, a student in GENED 1091 who threw away the syllabus pretty quickly. A student in PSY 1, Birukti Tsige ‘23, did have a laugh about the syllabus but was mostly confused. She originally thought the professor was messing with her before realizing on second read that the jokes were “so ridiculous and terrible.”

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Effort: Did they even try? At least with the magazine, I could give some points for the manual labor required. But this? For a club that’s supposed to be funny, they can do better.

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Environmental damage: I hope the amount of trees that were sacrificed for this prank keeps you up at night.

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Does this make me want to comp? No. Though I do want to give them some jokes books after this.

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Overall rating: -3/10

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Excessive flyering

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Maybe they just have never heard about “quality over quantity”, but for some reason, excessive flyering seems to be a good idea for this organization whose name is the second Google search result of “publicly criticize (someone or something) by using ridicule, irony, or sarcasm.”

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First of all, taking up all the bulletin space everywhere? Total jerk move. Though, I gotta thank them for the free thumbtack pin and tape that I stole from the flyers in order to use on my own flyer. What cannot be forgiven, though, was the paper-covered atrocity surrounding a certain building in between Adams and Lowell.

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Effort: did negative energy go into this?

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Environmental damage: Let’s just hope someone is nice enough to recycle all those papers.

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Does this make me want to comp? Is there a word for wanting to anti-comp an org?

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Overall rating: -128472345105

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The fake Crimson newspaper

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This is actually clever, I gotta admit. Unfortunately, any potential enjoyment for the fake article was spoiled by that slavery joke. It’s 2021. You can do so much better, Ampoon-Lay.

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Effort: Probably required the most effort out of the four

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Environmental damage: I’m convinced that everyone in this organization hates trees.

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Does this make me want to comp? O-nay

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Overall rating: -∞

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So there you have it, our totally honest and unbiased ranking of that organization’s recruitment methods. And for any members of that Pinocchio-shaped building reading this, do better next year.

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{shortcode-c2de1b520f033c7d527fd4b0ba301d7477d938c2}Dear Harvard Rats (the animals, not the snitches),

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I’ve been in Cambridge for more than a month now but have not seen much of you in a long time. I guess now that I’m at the Quad you don’t feel like paying me a visit, but surprises are always nice. I remember the days at Mather during my freshman year where you would run against the prison walls in sync like secret agents in the shadows. The fateful day that one of you paid me and my suitemate a visit in our common room was one of the most eventful days I had in the pandemic era at Harvard.

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I know this is controversial, but I miss you. I miss the fight or flight that flushed through my body as you searched for food in any Harvard Square trash can. I miss the fear that both you and I felt when we were in proximity to each other, like a playful game of hide-and-seek. I miss the nights where I would catch a glimpse of your long-haired concrete fur, make eye-contact with you, and then we would just give each other a little cheeky smile. Those are the memories I cherished most as a first-year.

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Times have changed since then. I heard you don’t really come out too much since there are more people out. I get it. It can be an overwhelming change. Just know that if you ever do find yourself taking one of those long and lonely college-student midnight walks, I would join you in an instant. Who knows, maybe after reading this you’ll finally text me back, and if not, that’s okay too (it’s not). I get you’re, you know, constantly trying to survive and all.

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Whether or not you believe it, I really care about you. When I saw you in my common room, I never bought a rat trap or rat poison. I will admit that clogging the hole from which you would enter was a little cruel, but I should have known that rats at Harvard are smart enough to chew through cardboard boxes if it means getting a warm and cozy place to sleep for the night.

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Even after the encounter we had where you ran under one of our couches to hide, I never thought about anything less than welcoming you into my Harvard College experience. I know there you will never read this—considering you cannot read or understand the complex linguistics of the English language—but if one day you find a way to fluently read, write, and speak English using some amazing product like Duolingo, or at least understand humans like Remy from Ratatouille, I hope this letter somehow finds its way to you and makes you smile. But until then, just keep on doing your thing and don’t die.

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Happy Trails,

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Edgar “Teddy” Onate

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P.S. This letter is not sponsored by Duolingo

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{shortcode-00ba28187818eebd366884c75b1a53737485c818}I’d like to dedicate this article to all my fellow Quad inhabitants, along with anyone who has a class in the SEAS building, and all those who generally are opposed to walking anywhere. You might be wondering, what common factor unites these groups? Well, there are two — being the main character and spending time on the shuttle.

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Now, I must confess that I am not the shuttle’s biggest fan. I have been known to power walk with a bagel and coffee in hand rather than brave the shuttle and its unknown-to-me destinations. I also have been known to download PassioGo and pretend as if I know how to use it. However, the Quad life has necessitated me reluctantly giving in to the shuttle life, and I must say, it comes with one great bonus: living out all of your greatest main character fantasies.

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Allow me to provide a scenario. You’re rushing out of your first floor dorm room in Currier, which requires you to run down a flight of stairs and then back up another flight of stairs (and no, this can’t be avoided, for any non-Currierites who might be thinking that I am clearlyyyyy missing something). You have a slightly warm bagel with cream cheese in one hand and a combination of coffee, a hair clip, and earbuds in the other. (Oh, how the female hands have evolved to accommodate a lack of adequate pockets.)

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Anyway, you finally get outside of the building, and the last shuttle is driving away with only 15 minutes left before your morning class starts. “Dang, horrible morning!” You might be thinking. WRONG! Could that not be the start to every great pre-2000’s coming-of-age/rom-com/cheesy/heartfelt classic movie?? Maybe you’ll chase after the shuttle, get cream cheese on your favorite pants, and spill coffee everywhere, making the start of a great story that will help you flirt with your super cute TF. Maybe you’ll turn around and your future husband or wife will be standing right there because they just missed the shuttle too! Probably not, but you get the idea. Romanticize the pain away, baby.

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For all my pragmatists out there, let me give you a much more realistic scenario — a.k.a., let me use this platform to describe my typical morning to you. You wake up 45 minutes before your class starts, put on some jeans, pack your bag, grab some coffee, and make it to the shuttle on time. You put your earbuds in when you sit down and debate what to listen to. You’re sick of all your normal music, so you decide that you should look for a new playlist. (Prepare yourself to cringe at the next sentence.) After debating for a moment, you type in “main character energy” into Spotify to see what comes up. I KNOW, I know, it’s super weird, and if you feel superior to me right now, I get it.

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But, if you just so happen to feel a similar inclination, I highly recommend it. There are some extremely intelligent people out there making Spotify playlists, and let me tell you, I rediscovered some songs that absolutely hit the spot. There’s simply nothing better than listening to some main character music and staring out the window as you pass Cambridge Commons, knowing that you’re protected inside the shuttle and can’t smell the super extreme odor that has been coming from that general area in recent weeks (hopefully other people have noticed this??).

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Anyway, the point is that if you want to walk into your 9 a.m. feeling the full potential of your gaslight-girlboss side, I 10/10 recommend having a main character shuttle moment. It’s probably equally powerful to a hot girl walk and completely eliminates the need for the walk aspect — woohoo! So, go catch that shuttle, go look out that window like you’re in a cheesy Jonas Brothers type music video, and go shamelessly look for that main character music that will help you semi-seize the day.

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