Sunrise in Lamont: Timestamped Observations of an All Nighter
Lamont’s 24-hour status means that knowledge is constantly being produced beneath its hallowed roof. I took the opportunity to imbibe 8 hours and 41 minutes of sweet wisdom. Below is a sampling of my observations from the illuminating night.
I settle into Lamont Café. According to Google, the sun will rise at 6:41 a.m. In the intervening eight and a half hours, revelations are sure to come.
A girl with thick-framed glasses that don’t look like they have an actual prescription exclaims “Kafka is my favorite!” excitedly. The learning begins.
“I love the fur, it’s real coyotes” says a girl extolling the virtues of Canada Goose coats.
“The champagne is a farce. The mimosas are gonna be extremely strong. It’ll be blue raspberry vodka.” - Larista
Someone comes in to conduct a psych experiment. It involves candy. I am not asked to participate.
I decide that this video is immensely important.
A man refers to the “Larista” as an American hero.
“Why the fuck would I want to send money over Snapchat? Does it go away if I don’t use it in 10 seconds”
It smells like stale cigarettes here.
The Larista summarizes a Spongebob episode and fields trivia.
The café has closed but the trivia continues. We are now on to Fairly Oddparents.
Silence has descended on the café. A guy in a fedora who has been passed out for the past 3 hours has now shed his fedora in his never-ending quest for a comfortable sleeping position (for now he’s huddled in the fetal position in the chair)
Completely new ideas for a paper that come after 4 a.m. are always good, right? Realizing the error of my previous ways, I walk briskly back to my dorm room to retrieve a necessary book.
I get back from my dorm room. As I type fedora guy wakes up, dons his fedora and backpack, and leaves. I feel an immense sense of loss.
Work on my paper has long since stalled. I decide to take a stroll around the library that’s sure to be regenerative.
On my stroll I create an intricate, painstakingly crafted statistical analysis of who is asleep and who is awake.
Level B: 1 asleep, 1 awake
Level A: 0 asleep, 2 awake
Level 1: 3 asleep, 2 awake (excluding Larsen, and Lamont Café)
Level 2: 1 asleep, 2 awake
Level 3: 2 asleep, 1 awake
Total: 7 asleep, 8 awake
The sun begins to rise. I can now make out Mem Church’s steeple quite clearly.
The sun is up, the day has begun, and I write a witty, yet somehow beautiful and poetic ending to this piece. Then I go sleep till class.