Apparently Junior Parents Weekend, also known as Junior Parents “Invited-To-Harvard-So-The-Coop-Sells-Its-Quota-Of-Class-Rings” Weekend, commences tomorrow. If only one of the countless Deans of Harvard sent as many emails about Junior Parents Weekend as they send about the weather, we juniors wouldn’t be scrambling to simultaneously rid our rooms of sin and determine the purpose of Junior Parents Weekend before our sweet parents arrive. Since the “tentative” Class of 2017 Junior Parents Weekend schedule is far too many Google searches and PDF downloads away, we here at Flyby have done you the favor of acknowledging the most important (read: absurd) events offered during Junior Parents Weekend 2016.

Nature Walk in Harvard
Harvard Square is known for its plethora of nature, from its receding grass patches to its occasional tree stumps to its notorious turkey. We just hope Pfister and his fungi make an appearance.

Jogging Tour of Harvard & Fun Run
We really hope this is a sick joke. Also, are the jogging tour and fun run two separate entities?

Class of 2017 Ring Sizings
Because nothing screams “family fun” more than getting fitted for a ring that’ll cost your parents their flight home.

Green Tour of Harvard Yard
This sounds illegal in every state but Washington and Colorado.

Music and Memories
Is this an event, or the name of One Direction’s next single?

Searching For Signal
We’ve seen enough.

Pro Tip: If your parents are kind of the worst and forgot to make reservations for dinner, fear not. For an ever-so reasonable $18.25 each, mom and dad can join you for a delightful HUDS supper (because beef meatballs and soup du jour sound too good to pass up).

So there you have it– Flyby’s Guide to the Most Absurd Junior Parents Weekend. We wish you and your parents an unforgettable weekend of rings, nature, and “green.”