There are three types of people in the world: those of us who are looking forward to spending Valentine’s Day exclusively with our significant other, those of us who are resigned to and perhaps proud of the fact that we are celebrating the overrated, capitalist holiday with our platonic friends, and those of us who refuse to be romance-less next week and will do whatever it takes to land bae. If you find yourself falling into the last category, here are a few tips on how to find your new boo STAT.
Act Aggressively on Your Harvard Crushes
No matter how big your crushes are, now is the time to flirt aggressively with every single one of them. “Accidentally” run into your crush in the dining hall, spilling all the contents of your tray onto them and dropping all your belongings on the ground. This way, they’ll have to talk to you. Slide into their DMs (we hear that Instagram DMs have the highest success rate). Ask them to grab a meal or study together. It’s okay to seem desperate in this week before V-Day, because you are.
Increase Your Dating App Presence
Download every dating app you’re comfortable with (Tinder, Bumble, eHarmony, IndianDating.com, etc.) and change your settings to be as inclusive as possible—we recommend that you set your age preference at 18 through 65+ and your maximum radius at 250 miles. Once you match with a potential mate—er, date—initiate conversation. Be open-minded, and you might just stumble upon the perfect person.
Get Friends to Set You Up
While they may be bitter that you’d rather scramble to find a random date for the sake of fleeting companionship and your rapidly approaching mid-20s than spend it with the gals or the pals, your friends know your taste in partners best and can easily set you up with someone. Convey your desperation to all your friends and acquaintances, and they’re bound to pity you and find you a V-Day companion.
If Your Exes Don’t Live in Texas…
If the aforementioned strategies don’t end up working, and you’re still bent on finding bae by the 14th, you could always rekindle an old flame (no, not THAT old flame from Opening Days). Who knows, maybe they’re also looking for someone to spend the day with…
Best of luck, and we hope that all of you, regardless of what your plans are, have a good (or at least tolerable) Valentine’s Day. If not, at least there's half-price candy at CVS the following day!