Your BoardPlus Horoscope Will Predict How Your Semester Will Go

By Rachel F. Collins

Forget enneagrams and zodiacs: the real window to your soul lies in your BoardPlus preference. Whether you stockpile your semesterly $65 into one big end-of-the-year blowout or have to restrain yourself from making multiple trips to Lamcaf per day, the items that drain your balance reveal more about you than any personality test out there.

Lamcaf Lattes

Lamcaf is the sole redeeming quality of a marathon grind session in everyone’s favorite 24/7 undergraduate library. Skipping the chaos of the JFK Starbucks and saving your bank account from the strain of a Tatte habit make Lamcaf hard to pass up. If your BoardPlus lands in the hands of the godsends that staff the ’Caf, you’re probably a classic Harvard student: practical, motivated by the stress of approaching deadlines, and in dire need of a “treat yourself” day, like, everyday. You can expect a disgustingly full Gcal spread in the next week or two, but don’t worry — you always manage to tackle the grind. Ramp up your self-care routine (maybe switch out your standard drink for something sweet, like a chocolate croissant) and you’ll ride out this semester just fine.

Mozz Sticks

Mozz Sticks are practically the unofficial mascot of Harvard. Any weekend without a late night Grille order of golden, cheesy happiness is for all intents and purposes considered a loss. Burning BoardPlus on mozz sticks is a surefire indicator that you’re out to do damage over the weekend to makeup for your weekly workloads. While you’re out, you may have some messy late-night encounters, so be ready for the possibility of awkward dhall/section eye contact, or perhaps even a mention on Harvard Confessions. Keep the same confidence you use while going out to avoid letting the cringey memories get to you, and you should be set.

Barker Cafe Bougieness

Crimson Yard’s sun-soaked neighbor is everyone’s favorite escape from campus, minus the whole effort/time/money that it takes to actually escape campus. If you’re spotted in Barker more days of the week than not, it’s safe to say that you appreciate aesthetics and won’t hesitate to drop some dollars on treating yourself. A last-minute end of the semester trip is in your future, likely New York. Embrace the spur-of-the-moment vibe, but be ready to get hit by everything you put on pause when you get back. At least you’ll have a fresh stock of photos for the inevitable “take me back :(“ pics that you’ll be posting during finals!

Buckminster’s Lindt Truffles

If you’re a regular at the LISE building’s cafe, chances are you’re a STEM kid seeking refuge from the Science Center, a Music Department student in need of a pick-me-up in between practices, or just someone who spends entirely too much time wandering around campus in search of food. The hidden gem of BoardPlus cafes, Buckminster’s keeps a rotation of non-standard fare.

Another semester, another $65 blank slate. Use it wisely!

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